holiday from far away... it's christmas time!

Hi all!!!

It's FINALLY the end of term for me, and the end of 2 hectic and tiring weeks of rushing deadlines and assignments. Thank God for His grace that preserved and sustained me through... Wow, it's been 3 months. Seems so fast yet so slow, cant wait till i go back in Summer (ie. June) next year! As i reflect back, on how afraid i was to leave, on how lost and confused i was in a foreign land, difficulties fitting in and making new friends, getting lost in the univeristy, blah blah blah.. i could go on but i shant bore you with the details. Now, i can actually direct ple to most places within the university, go to town and back by myself rather confidently, got a group of friends in hall as well as in class, christian groups and churches to go to... He has blessed me so :) Realise how often i only see the bad stuff that happens to me and fail to see what He has done for me.
Most of my hallmates have gone home, so hall's pretty empty =/ Now i know what they mean when they say you'll feel extra home-sick when it comes to turn and youre not the one going home. Well, but i'll be doing some travelling with my mom, uncle, aunt and cousin in Europe! First white christmas for me.

Well, however you may be spending Christmas this year, hope it'll be a meaningful and happy one, and let us not forget the reason for the season!
The choir sang this song for the christmas concert last week, basically sums up the meaning of Christmas

We were the reason
by Avalon (i think)

As little children we would dream of christmas morn
and all the gifts and toys, we knew, we'd find.
But we never realised,
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift, of our lives...

Chorus:
We were the reason that he gave His life
We were the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
And giving of ourselves, and what, that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
Because of love, because of love....

(Chorus)

Do go listen to the song if you can, it's lovely :)
Well, i'm gonna 'disappear' for the next 3 weeks or so. So this blog is gonna be rusty for a while =/ But will blog and tell you guys abt my trip when i get back. Take care and wishing you all A VERY MERRY & BLESSED CHRISTMAS and A JOYOUS NEW YEAR!!
warmest wishes from a cold land, Pam

work, work, work...

work has made me withdrawn and anti-social. bah. =/

Song

Jeremy Camp - I Still Believe
From the album Stay

Scattered words and empty thoughts / seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before/ seems I don't know where to start
But it's now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip, washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness / I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word / even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind / with promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind / It's my heart I see you prepare
But it's now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip, washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness / I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word / even when I don't see, I still believe

The only place I can go is into your arms / where I throw to you my feeble prayers
In brokenness I can see that this was your will for me / Help me to know you are near

I still believe in your faithfulness / I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word / even when I don't see, I still believe

Reason for the Season

It's been one really long and tiring week, going for choir practices... skit rehearsals... rushing an essay, studying for an exam. But thank God for sustaining me through it all. Christmas concert was fantastic today. About 200 or more ple turned up, and despite our inadequacies, unpolished skit and unpreparedness (we only did a full dress rehearsal an hour before the actual performance!), God's grace was sufficient for us, and everything went smoothly. Well, at least we felt that God was in control and His message was put across to the people. I was so stressed and overwhelmed with backstage stuff (cos i was in charge of backstage and basically everything was so messed up and disorganized...) many times I just wanted to heck care everything, but i was encouraged by how the people involved sought strength from and TOTALLY relied on Him. (Groups of people were praying backstage simultaneously when the concert was going on!) I was really touched and glad. I realise how much I rely on my own strength rather than coming to Him. Ive got lots to learn... Well, all glory to God! Pray that the seed might be planted in the hearts of all who came.

Oh, i realise how fun choir can be (: Really gonna miss all those arduous choir practices where we sometimes had to stand for 2 hours in one stretch, sang till our throats hurt. The only sad thing was that i couldnt really put my all into the choir today cos i was busy with backstage, but i guess the process is really more impt than the goal itself. I've more confidence singing now (: Whee. Well, back to reality now, one more week before end of term, lots of deadlines to meet, many of which i havent started on... pushed back work cos of the concert. Pray i'll have strength and focus to do them, as well as to serve Him daily despite all this business.

God bless and keep you all, hope youve had a good weekend and have a blessed week ahead!
Cheers from Notts, Pam

healing or contentment?

Something on my heart to share...

Every morning when i wake up i get this heavyness in my head that stays throughout the day, till i fall asleep, and then when i wake up again it's still there. It's likle a nightmare happening over and over again... I tell myself to live with it and get used to it, but there's always this longing for it to go away, for healing to occur.. Yet i dont have such a level of faith. It's the feeling you get when you try and try and fail and fail again, till youve come to that point where you dont see the point in trying again. Yet there are stories of perseverance that pays off, like the Bible story of the widow in the court who begged so hard that the judge finally gave in to her request. Yet i know that sometimes God allows us to go through strange, incomprehensible trials that work together for His purpose, and that i shd rejoice in suffering for it produces perseverance and patience. And in His time i will be healed. Then again, we dont receive cos we dont ask... But there has to be contentment. Sigh. As you can already figure it out, i'm really confused and tired fighting this mental battle daily.

BUT I will choose to trust in Him and His loving kindness. I will look back and say that He has been faithful to me, that i am where i am now because of Him alone. It is this weakness in me that i have no choice but to depend on Him. It is the needy, the sick, the weak whom Jesus has come to save and seek. Not the strong. Let us take comfort in that.

In all our inadequacies, He understands.
I think i know now what to do. To pray for healing, that if it is His will this thorn in my flesh shall be taken sway from me. But also to submit to His will, to trust in His perfect will and timing. And in His time.... i will see the complete picture. Amen.

in the midst of the storm YOU are there...

Hi all,

an update of what's been happening... The international christian union here is putting up a christmas evangelistic concert this saturday. I'm singing in the choir and helping out with the props and backstage, the nights week's gonna be taken up by rehearsals and practices... Was pretty stressed and lost thinking abt it, cos i've got an assessed essay to hand in this week, plus a german exam, plus i gotta prepare for a presentation on friday. Been tiring but i know God will see me through the next 2 weeks by His grace and grace only. If you could, pls pray for the concert this saturday, the skit is kinda still unpolished and there's little time left to prepare. Pls pray for strength, wisdom and guidance for us, that we will be able to rehearse it well, and to put in our best for the Lord. Pray for His will to be done, that we might be able to reach out to the non-Christians in the university, and He will speak to them in His way. Thanks you all :)

Let us continue to depend on Him continually in ALL that we do, and to set our eyes upon Him, trusting that He will work ALL things for good for those who love Him and are called according to Hs purpose. God bless and keep you.

In His love, Pam

P.S. For those who have finished your exams, congrats! and Happy hols :)

Went for two interesting talks this week.

First one was a talk by a Holocaust (is that how you spell it?) survivor. He is a German Jew. Born in German but lives in Britain now. Shared about his experience when WW2 broke out. He was only 7 then and he was taken as a POW. His parents and grandparents died in the war, and he and his 2 siblings were left orphaned. Quite an amazing story, dont know if he's a christian but God certainly protected Him for a reason.

Second talk i attended was by 2 ex-prisoners and a forensic scientist. i'll be working in the prison myself next time thought it was really relevant to me. One was convicted of fraud for 21million pounds, jailed for 3 1/2 years. the other was involved in a kidnapping and murder case, was jailed for life, but out on parole now after 20 years in prison. He was only 20 when he went to jail.
As i listened i wondered if i could actually change anything at all in the prison next time. Or would it just be a job i go through. Wonder if i made the wrong choice, but there's no turning back for me now. I trust the Lord has led me here, and He will led me through it, no matter how tough it will be.

"26Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things -- and the things that are not -- to nullify the things that are..." 1 Corinthians 1:26-28

"Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering. " Hebrews 13:3

Choosing the Path

"And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15

We are an affluent nation in comparison to other countries around the world but I doubt we are contented with what we have or where we are at. Not that it is a bad thing but has this quest for greatness hot the better of us. We are always seeking to be first in this and first in that. This has transpired down to our society,when we compare and compete what we have with others. For example, the latest handphone or the latest fashion. Other situations like the comparison and competition for results. Striving for excellence isn't a crime as we should work at everything as if working for the Lord as stated in Col 3:24 but has it over taken our lives and relegated God to 2nd place or does God even has a place in our hearts.

Have we chosen education over God? Serving the god of education? I never thought of studies as a valid excuse to miss service or not doing quiet time. Service only takes up 2 hours out of the 168 hours we have each week. There is value in coming together as a church as stated in Ps 133.

Sometimes we strive so hard and run so fast to create something for ourselves. There is only one safe place to run to and it is into the arms of our God. Matt 6:33 says "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you"

Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. God with a capital G or other gods with the little g.

--- the above was ka-poed from Samson's blog. the actual website is http://ypmrevolution.blogspot.com/ (P.S. thanks for the website amelia) =)

Sounds really exciting, what's up ahead for the YPM camp this year, and what God will do in the lives of the people! i believe God is going to do a revolution for you guys. Have faith, expect and keep praying and watching!

Realise how hard i've been striving to do well here, been working myself mad for essays and lab reports just to get a good grade. And at the end of it, the good grade (i still thank God for it nevertheless) doesnt really bring much fulfillment, it's like air filling an empty vessel. Been stressing myself out too much =/ Becoming self-centered and all. Sigh. Lord need Your refreshing and love once more.. Teach me to serve others and not myself. Teach me to focus on YOU.

Isaiah 40:28-31

28Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
AMEN.

sleepless nights

Have you ever stayed up till the whee hours of the night
When everyone's asleep and all's quiet
And there is no one else but you and your thoughts?
Your body and mind's urging you to rest,
but there are just so many things going on in that mind of yours
A battle raging within.
A losing one i'm fighting.

How often i try use my pathetic reasoning to solve and try figure out everything,
although i do realise it's all going to come to naught...
That in the morning when i wake up
nothing's changed.
When all i could have done was to pray
to come before Him and
surrender everything to Him
and lay my burdens down at His feet...

In the stillness of the night
YOU are there, always.
I cry out to You, and You answer me.

effects of the Fall.... SNOW!

Woke up this morning to blueskies, bright sun and.... SNOW all around! We (the Singaporeans who have never experienced snow before) went around campus taking pretty pictures! Think it's the loviest day so far since ive been here. I do realise how the environment has a drastic effect on my mood, it did lift my spirits :) Thank You for snow Jesus. heh, i hope i'll still be saying that in winter.
Apparently some people had snowfights last night, and some Brits lay on the snow laden grass with just a t-shirt on! heh. Well, i just stayed in my warm room, avoiding the cold outside. Temperature's dropping rapidly now, day temperatures can go close to zero and think night temperatures drop below zero sometimes. But weather today was lovely.

first snow fall...

First signs of a cold winter
approaching...

Came out from german class today, and got a pleasant surprise to find white fluffy stuff falling from the sky. Was a really nice feeling (nice wouldnt do justice to how i felt but cant think of a better word...) All i can say is that i smiled :) My friend was exhilarated and though it was freezing outside, she took off her gloves and tried to 'catch' the falling snow. Think the brits must have thought we were crazy. heh. First time i've actually experienced snow falling from the sky. Rather early for snow (it's only autumn now) i must say...

Been going through a whirlwind of emotions lately. Trying to change my perspective, see how tiny my problems are in wholeness of God's plan, of His work in the nations. When i hear of what God is doing back home, i wish so much i could be involved, i wish i would have the same passion, same vision. But here i am, dwelling upon my inadequacies. Realised how much ive lost my focus... trying to do things and to love on my own strength.
Teach me to love you and to surrender all to you Jesus. Amen.

a broken spirit and a contrite heart

Create in me a clean heart, O God
Renew a right spirit within me
Do not banish me from your presence,
and dont take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me again the joy of your salvation
and make me willing to obey you.
Psalm 51:10-12

Pray for those who are weak that you might strengthen them,
for those who are discouraged you might give them hope
for those who are broken comfort them
for those who are lonely surround them with your love
for those who are anxious grant them peace
for those who are worried grant them faith and trust
for those who fear grant them courage
for those who are tired uplift them with your mighty hand
for those who have sinned forgive them, as you have forgiven me.

I will trust and hold on to You Father, for You are faithful and merciful in all your ways.
Teach me to love, to live, each day for You alone. Amen.

Tiring Tuesday

It's been a tiring day... Fell asleep in 3 out of 4 lectures. =/ Couldnt concentrate and think straight as well. Sighs. Came back mentally and physically exhausted...Not a good start to the week. My brother emailed me, told me about how he's worrying so much about his future, scholarship and all. Brought a smile to my face, thinking about how i was in his position sometime last year (just that he is worrying much earlier than i did!) Oh, and thanks for the 'Interview with God' email you sent me tricia, hope youre getting on well doing Law in NUS. You can be my personal legal adviser if i decide to break my bond next time! heh.

Going for choir practice later tonight (pam can sing??!!!), was thinking i had some time to do some work tonight, but looks like i got to push it forward again... Well, it'll be worth it eventually i guess. It's for a christmas musical put up by the christian union this december. Hope it'll turn out great, and God will bring many people to Him through it.

Yep, boring entry, needed to let something out of my system, writing is one way. Thanks for reading. Hope your week's been going on fine.

Pam

Nottingham games & Maiden flight

It's been one eventful weekend. Tiring, but exciting nevertheless.
Nottingham games on saturday, it's when singaporeans and malaysians from the universities in UK come down to nottingham to compete in sports and games. Sth like an inter-university league/competition. Well, as some of you can guess, i took part in tennis. Thank God for the wonderful weather, although it was really chilly, 1 degrees celsius so says the weatherman. It's been such a long time since i last played a tennis match, think it's been more than 2 years already. Was really nervous and excited. Played really cautiously for the 1st match, but gained more confidence in the 2nd and started hitting the balls harder. Made it to the top 3 for singles but we didnt fight for the placing cos all the 3 of us were from Nottingham! heh, so Notts tennis girls ruled the day ;) And we won for doubles as well! I really enjoy playing doubles, remember those days in SC, all the double screw ups on court, bumping into each other, volleying, and encouraging each other during the match. Met a girl i played against back in secondary school from rgs, i only played against her once (lost, i think) was rather surprised she could recognise me. Helped to empire some of the matches as well, quite enjoyed that as well. Felt like a professional umpire (well, almost la..), cos not many ple knew the rules for tennis... heh. Met some of my tennis rj friends, and a classmate who has been in the same school as me for 12 years. Caught up a bit.

Went for gliding on sunday. For those who are not too sure what gliding's about, it's almost exactly like flying, just that you don't have an engine. So a machine called a 'sky launcher' tows the glider up (like a kite) and you basically use the wind to fly. pretty cool huh. It was all the more exciting for me cos i've always wanted to learn to fly and well, this is the closest i can get to flying. The place where we flew was really windy and COLD. i was wearing 5 layers, plus a scarf, gloves and i still felt cold. Brrr...
I was first on the plane. Put on the over-sized parachute, and strapped in to the aircraft. Instructor briefed me on the flight controls and instruments before we did some ground checks. The rope from the 'sky launcher' was hooked on to the aircraft and we were set to fly! Once the rope was being taken in, we moved forward, slowly, then accelerated, and in 4 seconds were we off the ground at 45 degrees to the ground, nose pointing towards the air! It was like a dream, couldnt believe i was doing this, heh. When we gained about 1200 feet, the rope was released, the instructor levelled the glider and we were free as a bird to fly... It was great weather, blueskies and all, could see till miles away, view from above was amazing. Instructor taught me how to pitch and roll the aircraft (some basic air techniques) and he gave me the controls to try it out. Felt like a computer game of sorts with a joystick in front of me, just that it was real this time. Was pretty cool manoeuvering the glider, though i didnt feel in control of it at all times, thats when the instructor took over. Was up in the air only for about 9 minutes, before we lined up for landing. Landing was quite smooth, air brakes up, and we were down in no time. Back exactly where we took off from. Went for 2 flights in all. Felt a bit nauseous when i came down, heh. Well, that was basically it, after that i just stoned for 5 hours! Waiting for the others to take their turns to fly, was SO sian. Never felt so bored in my life. heh. So was an extreme of adrenaline for those 20 minutes in the air, and complete sianness in the next 5 hours or so. Bleh.

Another week of school, not entirely looking forward to it, i've lots of work to catch up on and essays to write as well =/ Getting all worried and stressed up again, but i'm gonna trust the Lord and take things one step at a time.

Take care friends, and have a blessed week ahead.
Pam :)

pam thinks about thinkin...

Sometimes i wonder if it's better
Not to think
Or to think too much...

It doesn't really matter once i'm asleep,
my mind rests for the night...
till i get up at least.

10 weeks and going...

Hi all,

havent really had a substantial update for some time... Been busy rushing a lab report that will contribute to my first year grade. So was kinda stressed up and kan-chiong over it, esp since it's my first report and I didnt know how to go about writing it. They dont really give instructions how to do it, but expect you to do your own research. Been so used to being spoon-fed back in sgp, not entirely used to working independantly, but guess we all learn... Spent 4 entire nights working on it! With God's grace, strength and help, i churned out a 3000 word report! Not anywhere near a well-written report but im just relieved that i managed to get it done. Felt like a load off my chest when i handed it up today.
Well, went to town to watch a Shakespeare play entitled "The Tempest". Didn't really catch on to the plot really well cos they were talking Shakespeare. duh. heh. But the acting and special effects were good, and it was pretty entertaining on the whole. Think it's my first Shakespeare play I've watched in my entire life. whee. Had to rush back for german class, but i miscalculated the time, so i couldnt make it back in time. ie. I pon-tanged German class!!! For those who know me, that's really a rarity. heh. Didnt feel good missing class, but couldnt do anything abt it really. blah. Next time i'll give myself sufficient time to get to classes! Seems like i'm always just on time, or late. Typical singporean. tsk tsk.

That's basically the most interesting and exciting thing that has happened this week. It's been one stressful and topsy-turvy week but God's grace is sufficient for me, and so much more for those who are weak. For when we are weak, then we are strong :)
Well, hope you guys are having a good week. Weekend's almost here! Take care, God bless and have a lovely and relaxing weekend ahead.

Nottingham games, here i come! ;)

for him who is on a wing and a prayer ;)

"Once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned forever skyward, for there you have been, and there you long to return"
-Leonardo Da Vinci

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they
sometimes will.
When the road youre trudging sems
all up hill.
When the funds are low, and the debts are hugh.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest of you must, but dont quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he
stuck it out;
Dont give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is a failure turned inside out,
the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when youre
hardest hit,
it's when things seem worse,
that you must not quit.

i surrender.

to be strong and act as if everything's alright.
or.
to dwell on my inadequacies and weaknesses.
How easy it is swing from one end to the other.

Humble me Father
to admit i need You, that i can't do this on my own.
and.
not to look within myself, but to look up to You.

"...Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. " 2 Cor 12:8-10

a girl, a guitar and a song

Finally got my hands on an acoustic guitar today! =) Played till my fingers were numb and my hand was shaking. heh. I brought a guitar here with me from singapore, but it's a classical, and i really missed the sound of an acoustic. It belongs to a year 3 psychology student from singapore. she's really humorous, caring and her heart's for God.
Played all the songs i knew by hard - Here i am to worship, We fall down, Love unfailing, He who began a good work in me, I want to know you, Blessed be your name, and some other new songs as well! Oh and if youre reading this gina, i played your song for them as well, the one that starts with a C#m. (where you lead me i will go...) Miss those days in tlc where we'll slack off at work and start jamming. thanks for teaching me songs in E. =)
This song brought back lots of memories back from YPM.

How could i live without You

How could i live without You
How could i survive without Your touch
Without Your love
Youre the one who heals me
Cleanses my heart
And set me free

So i come right before you
With my hands lifted up
And my knee humbly bowed
at Your work on the cross
As You hung there and died
You were paying the price
for my life... for my life.

For Your love is higher than the heavens
deeper than the sea
All i want is You in my life
No one else
could satisfy my heart
make me feel this way
Only you Lord,
only You...

food for thought

People are different, that's what makes us human.
But the ability to look at someone, and see
another person and not someone who's different,
that's what makes us divine.

...it is finished!

Phew... after days and nights working on my essay, it's FINALLY ALMOST complete. Just need to do a final reading through, add a few more pics, and it's DONE! at last. On hindsight, it's not worth spending so much research, time, effort and getting so stressed over it. But i can't help it, i'm a perfectionist by nature. Bleh. =/ oh well, i've finally thrown in the towel and said i will STOP!!! no more drafts for me. On to other stuff like get ready to write my first lab report! Heh. Well, at least I don't feel too slack now... There's always work to keep me occupied.

Amazing how easily I get fixated and ditracted by trivial and unimportant things... it's like a million things demanding my attention and memory at once. And i get sucked into it... Makes me really frustrated cos i end up wasting so much time. But guess i'm used to it, just need to know how to deal with it when it comes... Well, like a friend used to say "I'm alive and well.. Praise the Lord!" heh. Humour, other than God and loved ones, keep me going... whee. Tmr's a free day for me. Going to shop! Buy MORE clothes, heh... seems like i buy more stuff here then back in Singapore. It's like an addiction. And also need to take a walk and stretch. Pretty much confined to the university campus, my hall and my room most of the week... but i'm not complaining, the campus is rather pretty on a non-rainy day, and i quite like my room as well.

It's been 2 months since i've been here. Seems so long, yet time flew by so fast. Another month and a half before the end of term. Then it's off to germany for me, to practise what i've learnt in german class, and get lost with my mom. heh. Another exciting story to tell you guys when i get back :) okay, shall stop here for today, it's been one mass rambling session but feels good after doing a technical essay on "visual illusions" Thanks for reading! Have a good rest of the week you guys, and all the best for the upcoming exams, work assignments, bible studies and flights! ;)

Short Poem

Calm this restless spirit within me,
Take captive every thought
and make it obedient to You.
Teach me to be still,
and to wait upon You
all of my days.

Psalm 103

1 Praise the LORD , O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD , O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-
18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the LORD , you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD , all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD , all his works everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD , O my soul.

Weekend break

Stayed in this weekend. I've been out of town the last 2 weeks consecutively, so thought i'll make it up and be a good girl and catch up on my work this weekend. Well, went down to town to help one of my Architecture friends do a survey on ple in the city. We had to approach strangers and ask them questions like "Do you feel stressed in the city?" sort of questions. I approached an old women and she looked so terrified of me initially, heh. But she was really nice, a typical british retiree, like to drink tea outdoors and look at the world pass by sort of thing... Got 'daoed' by a few people as expected, felt like back in Singapore again, doing Flag day. heh. Had my first Jap mean here in UK! Ate Udon noodles, can't really say how good it is cos i don't eat Jap food frequently, even back in Sgp. Well, was nice for a change, hall food getting really dreary =/ Bleh

Church in the morning tmr, prob drop by a friend's place to visit and talk. Then do some studying back in my room. Days getting mundane sometimes, have frequent lapses in concentration when i study as well, but guess it's alright for now cos exams arent here yet. Daily struggle, but really thankful for the occasional phone calls (=)), chatting to friends back home and all. God's been gracious and faithful despite my faithlessness... it's amazing how He has brought me this far, through my A levels, scholarship process, and all. It's been a long way, and a long way to go, but i will have to trust and depend on Him for everything.

Another weekend's here and will pass soon. Take care and God bless you all :)

a thought

Is it possible to feel happy yet depressed at the same time? i think it is... =/

Miscellaneous stuff...

Whee. Finally had my fav choc - cookies and cream here in England! Tasted great. Heh. :)

Was talking to a catholic yesterday, asking about the difference between catholism and protestants - penance, pergertry (i don't think that's how you spell it...), traditions, etc... Kinda changed my views on catholic. Want to find out more, what other ple believe in, want to be more open-minded, find out why ple believe the things they believe in... But in the end I must decide for myself what I believe. So I might go for mass one day, it's a catholic service, just to experience what's it like...

Had hall formal dinner last night. It's almost like prom nite, just that there's no fancy ballroom or hotel. Knew everyone was gonna be really dressed up, as in, REALLY dressed up, so I wore the only dress I brought here... And borrowed a pair of high heels from a friend. I havent worn a heel since prom last year, so I was trying really hard to balance and walk elegantly... heh. Pam with a dress, heels, some make-up, and with her hair let down. Pam transforms for the night. Food was BAD... dried up chicken for the main course. Only good thing was the dessert (usually is), caramel cake i think.

Didn't have lessons today, slept in late, missed breakfast. Played some songs on my guit, it's been a long time since I've done that. Didnt bring my songbook so playing the same songs pretty much over and over again. Bleh. But keeps my fingers from going soft so i'll still be able to play when I get back home! Played tennis today as well. Just me and 3 other guys... practised some serves, getting better at it. At least it gets in more often! I have to play a little differently cos of the strong winds here, have to adjust my strokes according to the direction of the wind. Played doubles with the guys, quite fun, but definitely not as enjoyable as tennis back home :) Miss those sunday sessions.

Went for Bible study in the evening, watched a short video on Jesus and the Sea of Galilee, about the fishermen, Peter walking on water, etc. Quite interesting but I was kinda tired, so dozed off a couple of times. Heh. But managed to learn some stuff. When storms come, when we wonder where God is in our situation, He's in the boat all along with us. Sometimes He allows us to struggle for a while, or sometimes very long... so that we build character and perserverance, and also, we realise how weak we are... And it's at that point when we've got no energy, strength and whatsoever left, that we cry out to Him to save us - just like the disciples - that He calms the storm... Ultimately, He's in control of the situation, and no trouble, no difficulty, no problem is too big for Him.

Essay is due in a week. Argh. I hate DEADlines. Make me so nervous and kan-chiong. This counts for 25% of my first year grade. Bleh. I'm about half way thru my first draft. Have to speed up if I wanna produce a good essay in time.

Hope you guys are having a good week so far. Take care and God bless ya all. :)

German frenzy!

Guten Tag!
Heute ich stehe um viertel vor neun Uhr auf und fruhstucke um neun Uhr. Ich lerne abends zu Hause und hore Musik nachmittags. Um funf Uhr habe ich eine Deutschstunde. Das Abendessen ist um sechs Uhr. Am arbend bleibe ich zu Hause und lerne und schreibe E-Mails. Ich gehe um eins Uhr dreizig ins Bett.
Guten Nacht!

Translation: Good morning! Today i got up at 845am and had breakfast at 9am. I studied and listened to music in the afternoon. I had German class at 5pm. Dinner was at 6pm. I studied and emailed in my room at night. I went to bed at 1.30am. Goodnight!

Going german crazy now, i'm supposed to be able to talk about my day in german by this thursday! Was quite lost in class today.. Bleh. Amazing how simple sentences in English can sound so 'qhim' in german, and btw i took about 10mins just to type that! (and with the help of my notes....) Well, for those wanting to pick up a German boyfriend/girlfriend, you can pick up some phrases from here! ;)

Thoughts

To come back to that place
Where I could seek You
with all my heart and mind
To reach out to You
Once again
This is what I need.

To hang on to your promise
To trust
To press on
to live a life that pleases You
Your grace and mercy
Despite those raging thoughts
In my weaknesses and flaws

Alton Towers

Went to Alton towers with a friend from Brunei - Chrysteen (i shall start to put names so every time i talk abt someone i dont have to say 'a friend from ____') today. Most of my Singaporean friends went down to London this weekend so they couldn't come. Didnt want to go at first cos of that, but managed to find someone to accompany me! I heard many stories about Alton towers (mostly good) and I really wanted to check it out for myself, other than the fact I haven't been to an amusement park since 5 years back i think. Needed a break from school and studying as well...
We only had abt 8 hours there (which isnt much considering each ride takes about an hour to queue) so we rushed for the first ride in our sight. The second scariest ride there (i think). Tossed me up, down, left, right centre at incredible speeds, we were so dizzy after that we decided to go for the 'milder' rides to 'warm up' first. Heh.
Rapids, mine train, flume ride(!) Got drenched from bottom down on the last one. It's like the 'log ride' that used to be in Haw Par Villa except you are guaranteed to get wet (esp if youre sitting in front which i was!) Walking in wet shoes and pants in cold british weather isn't really pleasant, quite uncomfortable actually. But thank God the weather wasn't too cold, so was still bearable...
So we rushed from queue to queue, ride to ride, hoping we can make the most of our money and time here. Q for 60 mins for a 5 min (or less) ride. So effectively i think we were only on the rides for abt 50 mins at the most? But some of them were really worth the queueing in the rain (yes! it rained! Like Singapore rain...) There's this 'rollar coaster ride' that positions you in a 'superman position' such that you're facing the ground, and works like a normal rollarcoaster. Pure adrenaline rush. I wonder how come Escape theme park doesnt have rides like those. Maybe for those of you reading this, you could write in and suggest to them and they might just give you an annual pass to the theme park! Not that you want to. heh.
Fireworks and a Halloween show on ice to end the night. Fireworks display was quite spectacular, amazingly the rain stopped JUST before the fireworks started and the rain began again RIGHT after the display.
Yup. Such an exciting but tiring day... Now back to reality, got psy essay to do, german words to memorise, lectures to revise and understand, theology reading... Bleh. =/ I'll prob work myself harder this week since I slacked off so much this week and weekend. Or Prisons Service will soon terminate me from service!
Well, have a great weekend and week ahead yourself.

Rantings and Update for the week

The week has passed really fast, maybe it's because i've been more busy this week, with classes, tennis (ie. exercise and training for Nottingham games), planning for the floorball club, researching for my essay and other stuff. Time just seems to fly.. and lately i've been feeling really lazy and unproductive as well =/ Not revising my lectures or classes here, back in Singapore i used to make my own notes after every lecture! heh. I wonder where Mugger Pam disappeared to, i need her now! Going to Alton Towers tmr, it's this theme park in UK with lots of scary rides... So even less work done in the weekend, got lots of catching up to do next week. Bleh. And i might really be going gliding in Nov.. then i'll be in floorball. Sheesh. Now things really seem to be getting busy. Well, it's first year so hopefully still can cope with all these commitments, really want to make the most out of it. But not get too busy or immersed in all these activities that I forget about God and living my life for Him as well. Got lots to learn... Been staying up till 2 and 3 the past few nights to do reading (notes and textbooks) I dont really know how much to study cos they give you so much freedom here, so I dont know how much im supposed to read either. And ive got this nagging and guilty feeling that i've not done enough.

Well, hope you guys have had a good week. For all those studying for exams, study hard and all the best! Will be keeping you all in prayer.
God bless and have a great weekend.
-Pam

On British weather

It's been raining for the past 48 hours i think. On and off. British weather is really strange and unpredicatble - almost like women, heh. It can be sunny and clear when you get up in the morning and just when i'm about to go for class an hour later it's pouring cats and dogs. =/ And it hailed last night! Thankfully I was indoors by then so i could only hear the loud pattering on the windows. The wind has been amazingly strong as well, as I was walking back from class last night, my friend and I had to hold on to each other so we wontbe blown away! Well, not so bad, but strong enough such that we had to lean forward to walk, and I could feel myself being blown by the wind... The last time i experience that was in the mountains in New Zealand i think! So much for UK weather...

Song

Whee. It's 2am in the morning and i'm utterly bored. Taking a break from reading for my essay... I figure i work best when it's really quiet, fewer distractions that way... Still distractions nevertheless, but fewer. Not much inspiration today so shall take off the lyrics of a song...
For those who's looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, looking for a spring in the midst of the desert, the Lord's still carrying you through...

Third Day - 40 Days
From the album Come Together

Here I am at what feels like the end
And so I come to You, my Lord, again
With this burden buried deep within
This heart that You have made
In this trial that I'm going through
I don't question 'cause I know it's true
That the sorrow brings me back to You
And You have made me stronger

It's been forty days and forty nights
Down the road of many trials
And I pray it's only for a season
'Cause in the wilderness and in the flood
You're the one I'm thinking of
And I know You've brought me for a reason

I have one more thing I've got to say
Before they try to take my life away
Let it be known that I am not afraid
Let You will be done, Lord

Memories

Sometimes it's better not to have a good thing
than to have it for a while
only to be taken away...

Feel like going to the beach for a walk now. Miss those days when I could just walk over to the bedok jetty from my condo... The sea breeze, the people fishing along the jetty, the occasional cyclists, and the food at the lagoon... When I could just let my thoughts run without being afraid...

Leaves are falling,
Trees getting bare,
Rain falling outside my bedroom window.
Autumn's here
to stay.

Trip to York

We underestimated the time to walk to the bus departure point and ended up having a early 'morning run' to catch the bus. So much for punctuality. heh. Well needless to say we were the last to board the bus... We were all quite sleepy still so all of us caught up on our sleep on the bus to York. It took abt 2 hours to get there. It started raining heavily on the way there but the sun was out when we arrived! God answered our prayers for good weather :) (it's been raining almost everyday here now...)

Our first stop when we got there - the toilet! heh. of course. How could we not visit the toilet before we begin our exploration. I was torn between joining the Singaporean grp and my hall grp, but i cant have the best of both worlds, so decided to give up familiarity to try 'bond' with my hallmates better. And I'm trying not to stick too much with the Singaporean community here, as tempted as i might be.

We walked ard the ancient walls of York to get a general view of the city... Was quite a narrow wall and we had to walk single file, and it was a two-way traffic! So you can imagine how squeezy it was... didnt see much but trees and a glimpse of the York Cathedral though.

Highlight of the day was York Cathedral. It's the largest cathedral in the whole of UK i think.. took 250 years to build! That's about 3 generations! Either it was really tough to build or the workers were just lazy... you decide. heh. I was thinking how many small churches they could have built in place of that. Well, grand and massive it was. It was so big it felt as cold inside as it was outside. And on each side of the cathedral were infamous stained glass windows, each of which had 190 glass pieces (i was paying attention when the tour guide was speaking...) altogether, i think that works out to about thousands of glass pieces altogether! And each stained glass had it's own significance and story behind it. Like there were some paintings of the 12 apostles, famous prophets, Jesus, Mary, the star of David, the line of Jesus, etc.. Some of them even had pictures of monkeys for goodness knows what reason. The architecture was really intricate and detailed, the stone walls had sculptures of people and all. We spent about 2 hours in there, just walking around the entirely place, and we didnt even cover everything in detail. Quite enjoyed the experience, though i felt that it was more of a tourist attraction than a place of worship to God. There was a general feeling of reverance and respect, and not of cosyness or friendliness... (not that i expected it to feel that way, just a thought)

Wanted to visit the national railway museum but didnt have time so we just walked around the town area, tourist district with the shops and all... Popped in and out of sovenir shops to browse through stuff, and also to seek refuge from the cold. heh. It started drizzling later in the afternoon but wasnt too bad though (not for UK standards at least). I bought a postcard, a watch and some other sovenirs...

Bis ride back was quite an interesting one. Met a girl from Brunei, started a casual conversation with her which ended up into singing chinese christian songs like 'you yi wei shen', etc... heh. Reminds me of service back at home... though i'm not really a fan of Mandarin, i really love and miss those chinese christian songs i sang at church... Well, she shared with me about her church back in Brunei, and i shared a little about mine.

Didn't manage to get any work done today =/ But was a refreshing trip indeed. Might go back there again someday! Now, back to reality...

Hope you guys had a great weekend, take care and have a blessed week ahead :)

Solid Rock gathering

Went for cell group gathering at a friend's house tonight. There's a christian group here in Nottingham called "Solid Rock" comprising mostly of Singaporeans and Malaysians, we meet every friday night and have a time of praise & worship followed by bible study or a message by a guest speaker. Almost like YPM, only smaller (they're about 40 regulars every week) My cell group had a first social (that's what they call 'hanging out and relaxing' here) today. We had a pot luck style dinner - traditional fried rice with lots of chilly(!), herbal&soya cauce chicken, tau gay, stir-fried broccoli, char siew, sweet&sour pork, battered chicken,prok ribs, apple pie... etc etc. heh. Think it's been the best meal ive had here. Felt almost like home again :) I gained exactly 500 grams after dinner! We played pictionary after that... my group was trailing far behind the other 2 grps initially but we caught up and won in the end! Teaches us not to give up, and to strive on even though we might be losing, or trailing behind, that there's still hope till the journey comes to an end.. expect the impossible! :) It was really hilarious, enjoyed myself thoroughly, it's been a long time since i laughed so hard. heh. Feels good to laugh again :) There are 2 non-christians in my cell grp as well, a thai and a malaysian from my hall, they are rather open to the gospel, thank God for that... Pray that i'll be a good witness for Him to them, and that they'll come to know of our Father's love and forgiveness for them...

We're almost on our way to starting a floorball club here! Have a lot of admin stuff to do and hurdles to get by to register our club with the Atheletic Union here, as well as to get the equipment, book the facilities and get committed members and all... still in the midst of working things out. Really hope we'll be able to get it started... i can finally be part of some sport here, right now i'm kinda 'sportless'. And we'll get to compete in the national floorball leagues as well! My hockey senior from rj has been trying to start it since last year.. and has been unsuccessful since, hope it'll come through this year...

Going for a day trip to York tmr. First holiday here! Somewhat excited. I heard it's one of UK's oldest and nicest town... will take lots of pics and show you k?
Have a good weekend ahead my friends, God bless!

Happenings in Notts

Lately there has been quite shocking news reported in Notts. A few days ago a 14-year old girl was shot just as she was coming out of the goose fair. Some guys in a car drove by and opened fire at her... She was rushed to hospital but she didnt make it... She was a black girl i think, a student, a christian, talented, smart, well-liked and loved by her family and friends. Quite sad... But at least she's in heaven now... Didnt believe at first when i heard abt it, i was just at the goose fair the day before the incident i think... Kinda freaky.
Weather reports say that it's gonna snow late next week! And it's not even winter! Unbelievable. Probably due to El Nino effect, global warming or some environmental upset. Apparently this year's winter is gonna be the coldest in the last 40 years as well... Brrr.... Good thing i just bought myself a winter coat today, will come in handy.
Yup, so that's all for news from Nottingham.. Not entirely good news.

Went for my first bible study today, was 2 hours long! Was on how to be a witness for Christ in words, deeds, attitudes and relationships.. I've been really frustrated with myself lately. Realise how many opportunities i have here to share the gospel to friends here.. But my timid and introvert nature doesnt really help. And a lot of times i'm just pure selfish and dont feel like talking to anyone at all really. Real struggle. I realised that I cannot be someone else im not, and guess God isnt asking me to try either. But action speaks louder than words most of the time... So have to let my feet do the talking... still a struggle for me though. But God and the good news has to be preached! So just gotta continue to strive on...

New look!

Decided my blog needed some sort of revamp. Must be boring looking at the same layout all the time. And black made it all too depressing, doesnt help my entries are not entirely optimistic and cheery either. Now it does look more positive, somewhat. heh. Hope you guys like the new look!

MSN's down the whole day today =/ Realised how insecure and lonely I feel without the knowledge that I can talk to people with just a click of the mouse. Oh well. Spent the evening doing some emailing instead, and reading up for my essay on "Visual Illusions". Quite an interesting topic, but when you have to write a 2000 word essay on it, now, that's a different story altogether. Gotta start from scratch cos i know nuts abt the topic. My attention span and concentration lasted for abt an hour and a half (which is considered very good!) after which i decided to check out my ex-classmate's blogs... It's been such a long time since i talked to them, have lost contact with most of them really. Most of the guys are in army now, the girls, most in NUS doing Med, others in US... Reading their blogs brought back fond memories of JC... though I didnt really bond well with my classmates but there were good times in class, when we'll entertain ourselves in class with stupid and utterly pointless topics and all. heh.
Our lives all seem so different, it's virtually impossible to keep in touch, really. To do that would just be too tiring, so guess a blog somehow connects us all together. And when we do meet again, we wouldn't be too much of a stranger to one another :)

Thanks for reading my blog you guys. Even with all my complainings, groanings and mussings... i'll try have more 'happy' entries yeah? Hope this counts as one. Heh.

Miss you all so much. Oh, if you guys have a blog, do let me know your blog add yeah? So i'll have more life stories to read... thanks.

Psalm 77

Psalm 77
For the director of music. For Jeduthun. Of Asaph. A psalm.

1 I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.
3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
Selah
4 You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days, the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
7 "Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"
Selah
10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD ; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.
13 Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
16 The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen
20 You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

Lovely psalm. kinda explains how i'm feeling now. Sunday service was good today, worship was almost like home, some hyms some slow song some fast songs. Sermon by Peter Lewis was good. Went to a friend's house for lunch after that, she cooked chinese dishes for us. really nice of her. Wanted to go down to Beeston (small town near the university campus) to buy some stuff but by the time i went there it was closed (i forgot the shops close at 4pm on sundays! Some shops dont even open on sundays) =/ Came back feeling kinda tired, and mentally drained, head was spinning, another one of my moody spells. (No logical reason for them, really) Not a really good end to the week, but hope the week ahead will be better.

Have a good week in school and at work you guys. God bless and keep you all.

The great exchange

Let us come before His throne of grace and love
and exchange -
our weariness for His strength
our weakness for His power
our darkness for His light
our problems for His solutions
our frustrations for His peace
our turmoil for His calm
our hopes for His promises
our afflictions for His balm of comfort
our questions for His answers
our confusion for His knowledge
our doubt for His assurance
our nothingness for His awesomeness
the temporal for the eternal
and the impossible for the possible.
Amen.

-adapted from "A woman after God's own heart" by Elizabeth George

"But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:42

Been quite busy the past few days. Sleeping late lately (pun intended, heh) Sometimes get so caught up in things to do, that I just fall asleep on my bed while praying. Had my first tutorial today, 5 in a group, i was so nervous my hands kept on sweating and shaking. We had some discussion abt what psychology is and I tried to come up with some intelligent answer to which he didnt comment much on. My hp started vibrating in the middle of class so got quite embarrassed as well. heh. So when it was finally over after an hour of intense nervousness and uneasiness, i heaved a sigh of relief. Heh. So much for my first tutorial class. And. Ive got to do a presentation next week. =/ Bleh. I've decided to take modern theology instead of moral philosophy as my elective module. Modern theology seems so qhim, harder than i thought. It's been 4 lectures and im still clueless abt what im supposed to know. sigh. God help me. Well, at least it might help me to better understand some bible doctrines better.
Another week's over! :) The days are passing faster than I thought. Thats good :) Soon it'll be christmas! whee. And i can see my mom again. Though i cant see you guys =/ But im sure you'll have a great Christmas wherever you are! Will miss spending christmas with you all.

Ok, thats abt all for today. Have a great weekend ahead my friends!

Goose fair and other unimpt stuff...

I don't normally update my blog in the midst of the week, but this will be an exception.. Some interesting things happened today, some which brought a smile to a friend's face when i told her abt it. So maybe, just maybe, and i hope, it might bring a grin to yours too :) It never hurts to smile once in a while, even if it's over stupid things.
Well, the day started out pretty normally, stayed in my room, went online, looking for some info on the net, read the Bible, read a storybook, revised some german words (which i think i have forgotten by now =/) and did my own stuff mainly. Yup. So some insight into what i do when i'm in my room.
The 'interesting' things happened later in the afternoon when I went down to play tennis with some Singaporeans/Malaysians. Turned out i was the only Year1 there, felt kinda out-of-place but I just played with them anyway, needed to exercise and also let out some stuff on the ball (now you know why i hit so hard, heh) We were just minding our own business when suddenly a sea of bare-skinned people came running unto the field just beside the courts. To our horror/amusement/delight, they were the rugby boys training stark naked! (the temp was abt 10 degrees celsius!) Thankfully for me, they were quite far away so i couldnt see much. Some people were so excited they were shouting for someone to get a camera quick to take a shot at them.
Soon after it started to rain, we thought it was just a passing shower, but it just came on and off, till the heavens finally seemed to decide it'll just let all the water out at once and it poured! It was then I came to my senses and decided to stop playing and get shelter (by that time i was drenched already...) And worse thing was, the road i had to walk to get back to my hall was blocked by the rugby guys! argh. I tried to find another route back but couldnt so I just took shelter somewhere till they finally decided to disperse (they probally couldnt take the cold with nothing on, heh) So i walked back cold, and wet. Thank God i didn't catch a cold.
In the evening, I went down to a fun fair in town with some of my friends. The goose fair, which they call it, is an annual event held in Nottingham, and is one of the largest fun-fairs in UK. And HUGE it was. It's like 5 times the size of Escape themepark! (if any of you have been there before...) Well, except that they had scarier rides there. Didnt intend to take ant rides intially but got persuaded by one of my friends. hmm. It's once a year, why not? heh. So spent 3pounds (!) on ONE ride that lasted about 15mins (although after 5 mins i hoped it would just stop) it's one of those spinning rides that just tosses you up, down, sideways and you close your eyes and hope it'll be over soon. heh. But i enjoyed the adrenaline rush for that moment, i havent sat one of those rides for a long time... Even if i wanted to, Sgp doesnt have them.
Weather was freezing cold tonight, i was so cold my knees were knocking and i had to keep on jumping up and down just so that i could feel my toes. Apparently temp dropped to 5 dgrees celsius tonight! I must started getting out all my winter clothing already. OR just start eating more. Heh. Leaves are falling and all, summer's gone and autumn's here. Soon it'll be winter...
ok. I shall stop here. It's been one loooong entry. Gotta wake up for class tmr as well!
God bless you guys and keep you always, wherever you are - Singapore, Shanghai, US and Australia! :)

Titleless

Can't seem to explain this feeling that's inside of me
Things seem to be working out fine,
the day's go by like the seasons.
But there's always something i know
that's not right inside of me
I don't want it to be there
But it's like a cancer
spreading through
I try to ignore it
Pretend it's not there
but it haunts me
everyday...

Standing in a midst of friends
But feel so out of place
like a zebra amongst horses
Just wanna run away
somewhere where no one can see me
Cos nobody would know then
What's going on
inside of me...

Sorry guys, just needed to let out.
Feeling down all of a sudden, wouldnt call it lonely. Just empty and tired from fighting. or maybe. i'm just missing home and all it's familiarity.
Anyway, thanks for reading...

First week at school

First week at school has come and gone. It's been a pretty fast week. Though sometimes I feel like ive been here for a few months already (though it's only been a month since ive arrived), can't wait till June hols when I can come back to Singapore!
Tutorials, practicals and seminars (like class discussions) havent started this week so it's been a pretty slack week in terms of class time (only abt 2 hours a day. With my wednesday totally free! ( I already sense some envious ple out there...heh) Well, there's always a flip side to the coin, i got LOTS of readings to do on my own... i've got like 8 THICK textbooks in my room which i have yet to touch, and I have to get down to them soon...
I'm also gonna do german and an introduction course to modern theology in my first term as my electives. German is rather fun, for now. I can count from 1 to 10! Whee. It's quite fun learning a new language initially but it's not easy, esp the pronunciation bit, it's rather strange... I'm the ONLY chinese among abt 100 ple doing modern theology, quite intimidating and challenging, but I really wanna learn more abt Christian theology... Wanted to do moral philosophy but when i went for the first lecture i didnt feel too comforatble with some philosophical views - like actions are morally right cos God commands it, or did God command it cos it is morally right? Really qhim stuff. Interesting but not for me.

Have been feeling very mentally tired lately, so many things ard me demanding my attention i just dont know what to think abt sometimes. Gets me kinda frustrated and down. God has sustained me each day, and I'll cling on to Him for His grace.

Thank God I dont have many classes cos I enjoy the free time I have, i feel more at ease when I'm alone in my room. But there are times when I choose to go out to socialise, I wont coop myself up in the room although sometimes im attempted to do just that. heh.

Well, hope you guys are doing alright wherever you are, and whatever you're in the midst of now. Hope to catch up with you all soon! Take care and may our Father bless you and keep you!

Sea of Faces

For those who feel lost at sea... who feel insignificant. God cares and loves you so much He died for you. Sometimes I feel so lost and confused in a sea of faces here... but He still sustains me with His love and faithfulness. Thank You Jesus.

Kutless - Sea Of Faces
From the album Sea Of Faces

I see the city lights all around me
Everyone's obscure
Ten million people each with their problems
Why should anyone care
And in Your eyes I can see
I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread,
Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

Sometimes my life it feels so trivial
Immersed in the greatness of space
Yet somehow you still find the time for me
It's then You show me Your love

And In Your eyes I can see
And in Your arms I will be
I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread,
Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

If only my one heart
Was all you'd gain from all it cost
Well I know you would have still been a man
With a reason
To willingly offer your life

I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread,
Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

Just one in a million faces....

Musings in Minneapolis taken from "In the Eye of the Storm" by Max Lucado

Today's 1.30am on sunday morning, i've got the privelege to go to church today! it's gonna be the 3rd church i'll be visiting since I came here. Heh. Gonna check out the churches ard this area first before i decide which one to settle down in. Well, just thought i'd type this for you guys. Just a reminder/ encouragement to you that no matter what youre going through, God understands fully, and He's just a prayer away. Also remember that you're dearly loved by Him and your family and friends. Have a great sunday. It's a wonderful privilege to be in the Lord's house on sunday morning with those whom you love and care for. I wouldnt want to be anywhere else but in the Lord's presence worshipping Him. Miss worshipping with you all back in Singapore. God bless and enjoy the story :)

Headnote: Denalyn is Max's wife. Jenna, Andrea and Sara are their 3 daughters.

It's a long way from boston, Massachusetts to Edmonton, Canada. No matter how you cut it or route it, it's a long way.
My journey today began around 1.30pm. I spoke where I was supposed to speak and changed into my Reeboks just in time to fight traffic all the way to Logan Airport.
The plane was overbooked; some folks were mad. The plane was also designed by a five-foot, four-inch engineer who hates tall people. (I ate my knees for lunch.) The plane arrived late into Minneapolis, where I was to change planes.
Now, I know i'm not supposed to complain. I've heard myself preach sermons on gratitude. And I know that a million people in the world would love to have the airline peanuts I threw away today. But still, I got off the plane with a cramp in my leg, an empty stomach, a bad attitude, and 3 more hours of travel to go.
On the way to my next plane, I saw a McDonald's. Looked good. Did I have time? Then i saw sth better: a phone.
I walked over, set down my bags, and called home.. Denalyn answered. I love it when she answers. She's always glad when I call. When she gets to heaven, Saint Peter will give her the receptionist job at the gate.
We spent 20 minutes talking about major Pentagolevel topics like the weather in New England and the weather in San Antonio. We talked abt the fact that Jenna had a friend coming over to spend the night and that Sara might have a fever. I told her abt the Canadian, French-speaking English teacher I sat next to on the plane, and she told me abt the new elementary school.
We made no decisions. We solved no problems. We resolved no major conflicts. We just talked. And I felt better.
Jenna got on the phone and asked me when I was coming home, and it felt good to be wanted.
Andrea got on the phone and told me she loved me, and it felt good to be loved.
Jenna put the phone next to baby Sara's ear, and I talked baby talk in the middle of the arport. (Some people turned to stare.) But I didnt care because Sara cooed, and it felt good to be cooded at.
Denalyn got back on the phone and said, "I'm glad you called." And I hung up happy.
Now i'm back on the plane and my attitude is back on track. The plane is delayed because the runway is backed up, which means i'll get into Edmonton an hour later than I planned. I dont know who is going to pick me up, and I cant remember to whom im supposed to speak tomorrow. But that's OK.
I can handle being a pilgriim as long as I know that I can call home whenever I want.
Jesus could... and He did.
Maybe that's the rationale behind verse 19 of Matthew 14. "Taking the 5 loaves and the 2 fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the 2 loaves." I'd always chalked up this prayer up to, at best, a good example - at worst, a good habit.
Until now.
Now it occurs to me that Jesus needed to call home in the middle of the hassle as much as I did. He was surrounded by people who wanted food and disciples who wanted a break. His heart was heavy from the death of John the Baptist.
He needed a minute with someone who would understand.
Maybe he, like me, got a bit weary of the hassles of getting a job done in a distant land and needed to call home.
So he did. He chatted with the One he loved. He heard the sound of the home he missed. And he was reminded that when all hell breaks loose, all heaven draws near.
Maybe you should call home, too. God will be glad when you do - but not half as glad as you will be.

Fresher's week

it's been one heck of a week... Guess i'm still trying very hard to adjust to the culture, life and people here. Still feel really edgy and uneasy most of the time... Doesnt really work well esp when I want to appear confident and get things done. Well, but thank God He's been upholding me in my weakness and tiredness...
Went down for Fresher's Farye, it's kinda of a CCA week where you sign up for all the clubs and societies. There were all kinds of societies - sailing, mountain climbing, gliding, chocolate society, lesbian-gay-transexual society, juggling society etc etc. I signed up for quite a lot. But in the end i'll prob just go for a few. Malaysian Singapore Society, Christian Union and gliding!!! whee. I'm gonna learn how to fly! well.. almost. we'll see how things go. If not, guess i'll just have to stick to tennis, or maybe take up sailing. dunno yet, but dont want to bog myself down with too many commitments. My time-table is out and seems like i'll be quite busy with sch already, path ahead looks daunting. But i gotta trust the Lord and depend on Him for everything.. He will bring me through. Signed up for german and moral philosophy course as well, wanted to do modern theolgy but think i'll die with the reading and essays i have to write.
Have made more friends this week, mostly from my hall. There's this really nice brit girl in my hall, she invited me and the rest of us asians to her room on the first night. Had quite a nice chat in her room.
Trying to bring my ex-roommate to church this sunday. Trying to be a good christian friend to my thai non-christian friends as well. Sometimes it just gets so tiring being nice, sometimes i wonder if im trying too hard. Guess i'm doing it mostly out of my own strength. Well it's amazing how ple here are so receptive to christianity. Met this lady from Japan tonight who's a buddhist but she came for this christian gathering to find out more abt Christianity! My thai friends came along as well, thank God for the Hong Kong guy in my hall as well so i'm not the only asian christain here. :)
Church last sunday was great. Visited cornerstone church, the one uncle kim sam recommended me to go to. Worship was wonderful, got too emotional again. sighs. I must not think abt home whenever i worship or i'll embarrass myself each time =/ oh wells, sermon was great too, Pastor was humorous and captivated my attention. Went for tim sum in town for lunch, spent equivalent to S$30!!! heh, but was worth it for the food we got.
Not entirely looking forward to school... Pray that I'll focus on the right things and to set my heart on the Lord, and not be distracted by my own thoughts. Thanks so much...

Take care you guys and shine for the Lord wherever you go.
Cheers, Pam :)

21st Sept - International orientation week

Orientation here is far from what you imagine. Very different from what orientation is in sgp. No games whatsoever... Was a 'free-and-easy' kinda thing, so you could attend the programmes when you wanted. Most of the 'programmes' were just queuing to register and boring talks anyway. So stayed in my room most of the time or went down to the computer lab to check my mail and stuff. Met quite a lot of ple from various countries - Uganda, Kenya, Israel, India, Pakistan, Mauritus, Zimbabwe, Malaysia, Indoneisa, Thailand, China, etc etc. There were some countries they mentioned ive never even heard of! heh, i better revise my geography. Well the international students were mostly friendly since we all didnt know anyone so everyone just went up to anyone (well, almost anyone) Standard 3 questions would then come out: 1) What's your name? 2) Where are you from? 3) What are you studying her? heh, then there'll be some silence before the topic moves on to sth like the weather (which is a rather common topic in UK cos they weather is absolutely quite terrible - even the brits confess that) Well, it's the start of autumn now, so weather's getting chilly and more windy, so i'm eating more as well. Heh.

Met quite a lot of Singaporeans here, 2 of which are doing Psychology as well. Yay! Most of them are doing Law. Had some late night gatherings cooking instant noodles, Milo and all, cos we're all home-sick and miss sgp food and stuff. Made a few friends from thailand, malaysia and hong kong in my hall... quite nice and interesting ple... Super smart as well! Their only 18 and their in Uni. I'm now a small fish in a big sea... it's a fish eat fish world out there...

International orientation week passed really fast for me, didnt seem to do much but seemed like there wasnt time for myself either. Did my own stuff most of the time, only joined in the programme when i had to. Went to visit my senior and we cooked stir fried vegetables together! turned out rather overcooked and soggy but tasted great! (must have been cos i miss sgp food so much)

The week ended with a short concert - a Brazilian guy played the guitar, really pro! A chinese giy played the flute and there was an Indian dance. Enjoyed it. :)

13th Sept - First sunday service in Notts

First Sunday service in Notts, away from home. Was quite a gd experience, visited a Vineyard church. Ple there were really nice, warm and friendly. May of the members came up to talk and ask abt us, with genuine care and concern. J It’s quite a small church, very cell-group based. Had a time of P&W, followed by coffee/tea fellowship, sharing then ended off with P&W again. It’s quite a charismatic church so songs they sang made me feel like I was worshipping back home. Felt so good to be in the Lord’s house on Sunday morning, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else (other than heaven of course) Really miss YPM services, treasure the moments you can worship with people you know and love guys. New-comers need lots of welcoming and belonging as well. I felt it today, felt as if I was first time in a new church, very lost feeling, but it helps if the ple are friendly and take time to chat with you.
Had Sunday roast for lunch, so much to eat!!! I couldn’t finish, heh. Went shopping in town with serene after that, didn’t intend to buy anything initially but ended up buying some tops at Zara (quite a good bargain!) wanted to buy shoes and a handbag as well but decided that that was enough for today. Went home and helped Serene cook fried rice for dinner. Was rather fun, chopping carrots, onions and all. Just dumped in all the ingredients together with some fried rice paste and plain rice, and mixed it. Turned out not too bad, for 2 amateur cooks! J After that just sat down and chatted with Serene&Simon, exchanged songs and CDs with them. Watched a chinese VCD after that, quite a relaxing day. Nice J

10th Sept - 2nd day in Windermere

Wasn’t a good day today, started off pretty nice, had a full English breakfast which was delicious, esp when I was so hungry! Took a scenic bus ride down to the Pier where we took a cruise down Lake Windermere. Mom booked a half day tour that morning but unfortunately we missed the bus, by barely a minute. Sigh. Spent the rest of the day trying to get a refund from the tour agency. So didn’t get to see much of the lovely town of Windermere. Pretty wasted. It’s really a lovely place, can do lots of hiking here, and see lots of vegetation and lakes and waterfalls and all. Oh wells, guess there’s always next time.
We caught a train back to Notts that evening, there were tons of students on the same train as us, maybe going for a short weekend break or sth. Got quite a culture shock then. There were in mini skirts, while i was in jeans and long sleeved pullovers. They were making quite a lot of noise, singing, talking abt boys and teenager topics I guess. What really shocked me was how open they were. The girls would just go up to their guy friends, jump on them and hug them. Hmm. I remember I had to muster up enough courage to speak to a guy when I was their age. So different. World’s apart. Well, I’m in their country now and I guess I gotta try understand them.
Train ride back to Notts was quite long, I got kinda down on the train. Suddenly the reality of studying and living here by myself just hit me. The past few days I still felt like u was just on a normal holiday with my mom, but now, it’s over, and I thought of the days ahead after my mom leaves… Finally reached back in Notts, and back home at Simon&Serene’s place. It’s been quite a trip, was pretty alright, other than the rushing and missing of trains and boats. God’s been really gracious, I’ve been kinda tired, physically, emotionally and spiritually, but He shows me His hand in every situation, reminding me that He’s still there for me. He is faithful although I’m faithless. (there’s a song abt that)
Well, hope that gave you a rough glimpse of my trip. Miss you guys lots. Will be having a busy week ahead at orientation and all. Will try update my blog when I can.
In His love, Pam

9th Sept - 2nd day in Llandudno

Took another train down to a town called Bangor (different one from that in North Ireland but spelt the same) and caught a bus to a mountain village called Caenarfon (pronounced as Can-na-don) Took a steam train ride through the mountains of Snowdonia till we reached the foot of the highest mountain there called Snowdon. You could hike up, but there wasn’t much time for us so we just took some pics of the place. Well, rushed back to catch a train to Windermere where would be our last destination for the trip.
Our train was delayed (apparently the trains here are never on time) by more than half an hour so we got into Windermere only at 11pm. We hadn’t booked accom then, so I was really worried we wouldn’t be able to find a place to stay for the night. Walked ard for abt 20mins going from hotel to hotel, guesthouse to guesthouse but they were either full or closed for the night. Finally when we saw one that had the ‘vacancy’ sign up I was so hopeful but when mummy pressed the doorbell and nobody came to the door after 5 mins, i was abt to give up hope… just when we were abt to leave, a man opened the door. He looked as if he just got up from bed – his hair was in a mess, he was just dressed in short and T (very little for a cold night) and wasn’t wearing any shoes. You shd have seen the look on his face, heh, really quite hilarious. He was absolutely shocked and appalled at these 2 crazy Chinese ladies knocking on his door late at night. My mom apologized and explained to him of our situation and he opened up the last room for us. Phew. You cant imagine how happy and relieved I was when I stepped into the house. Praise God! It’s been quite a long day and all I wanted was to get some rest… which I did in the end J

8th Sept - 1st day in North Wales, Llandudno

Reached London at 7am, then caught a train at 7.10am to Chester where we changed to go to Llandudno, a town by the sea. Stopped over at chester for abt 3 hours cos my mom heard it’s quite a nice town. Took a bus down to town and walked ard. Buildings are rather unique there, streets are narrow – very different from other towns in UK. Rather refreshing. Met a Filipino woman on the train to Llandudno. Mummy had quite a long chat with her, asked her abt places to visit there and all.
We managed to find a cheap and comfy hotel called ‘The Esplanade’. Heh. It was fronting the promenade, but we didn’t have a direct sea-view though (had to stand on our bed to see the sea, that’s why it was so cheap la, oh wells... better than nth) Took a train to a village in the mountains of Snowdonia (contrary to commom belief it doesn’t snow here) called Blaenau Fflestiniog (I still can’t ptonounce that, Welsh is a really odd but interesting language, shd learn it sometimes if u have to time, heh) When we reached, we found the place like a ghost town, all the shops were closed, except for a fish&chip and Chinese take-away outlet. Hung ard for 2 hours cos there was no bus back till 2 hrs later. Interestingly, there were many children ard the area, like they were going out or sth (goodness knows where when everywhere is closed, maybe their going hiking or sth! I wouldn’t know) Met a really sweet and friendly girl there who just walked up to me and started chatting with me, heh. Bus ride back was exhilarating! Bus driver sped thru the road, which was rather hilly cos it’s a mountainous area, so u can imagine a bus going down a hill at 80km/hr going thru sharp turns and all. Was quite a roller coaster ride, I enjoyed it, but mummy was freaked out though, heh. Took a walk by the promenade when we got back to town. Was really romantic with the sea breeze, waves lapping up the shore, dim lights and all. There were many old couples there as well. If any of you thinking of retiring overseas, Llandudno would be a nice town J

7th Sept - 2nd day in Belfast

Took an early morning walk to the Botanic gardens which was near where we stayed, nth very spectacular, think Singapore’s one is better actually. Or maybe cos I’m biased. Took a train to Bangor, a small seaside town abt 30 mins by train from Belfast. Ple were really friendly there (almost everyone we walked past waved, smiled or said ‘hi’. Most of the people there were old folks, prob a place for retirees. Pretty peaceful and pleasant town. Walked down to the shore where I saw lots and lots of boats and yatches! Reminded me of so many things… we didn’t get to see much though cos we had to rush back to catch the train back to Belfast to catch our boat back to Mainland (As u can see we were rushing quite a lot that day) Well, sad to say, we missed our boat back in the end (by abt 5 mins) I was quite disappointed, mummy was rather flustered. But thank God there was another ferry back later that day. Though our travel plans were all messed up now cos we had another train to catch back on mainland. We ended up taking an overnight train to London just so that we had somewhere to stay for the night, thank God for His providence! Wasn’t a very comfy sleep but at least we had somewhere to rest for the night.

6th Sept - 1st day in North Ireland, Belfast

Broke my specs this morning =/ Bad start to the day. Was drizzling this morning and was really cold, kinda dampened my mood… We took a train to Glasgow (the capital of Scotland) stopped by for abt 2 hours before we caught a train to Stranraer to take a ferry over to North Ireland. The boat we took was really huge! Had nice comfy seats which overlooked the sea(duh) a ‘food court’, BK, cafes, casino, arcade, shopping centre, lounges, and a place where kids can watch movies! (I watched a bit of ‘finding nemo’ on board. Heh) Didn’t do much when we arrived cos was rather late by then. Just took a walk to the city centre, quite a small town, and most of the shops were closed by then (shops close ard 4pm here) Went to the IMAX theatre by the river there, only to find it was closed. But walk along the river banks was quite relaxing though my legs were aching after all that walking. Came back to our room earlier than usual cos we were both tired and turned in early for the night.

5th Sept - 2nd day in Scotland, Highlands

We barely managed to get ourselves onto the morning tour! (cos as usual we didn’t book in advance and we woke up late, so when we got there the bus was abt to leave, and incidentally they had exactly 2 more spaces on the bus!) Praise God. J I sat beside an Indian guy (2 indian guys in 2 days! Heh) I didn’t intend to talk to him initially but he striked up a conversation and we started chatting a bit. He lives in Mumbai, India, posted to London by JP Morgan for a month’s stint. He was with his 2 other friends from India as well, nice to have some Asians on the tour. There were some Chinese ple too (from China and Taiwan) but they weren’t too friendly though.
Scenary in the highlands of Scotland is really amazing. Tour guide was rather humorous, talkative and friendly. Made the bus trip so much more enjoyable. We visited Fort Agustus (where Loch Ness is) but didn’t get to see the monster though. Heh. Apparently the lake is so deep if you take all the people in the world and stuff them into the empty lake) there would still be enough room to fit the entire population once again. No wonder they never found the monster.
Well, journey back was rather interesting, talked to the other Indian guy (they swapped places for some reason or other) Found out that he’s a catholic, was rather surprised. Didn’t know and didn’t have the courage to share the gospel to him though =/ but we talked about famous Christian ple who came to India to preach, one of which is Benny Hinn. Said he saw miracles and all but he was sceptical abt the works of the Holy Spirit. I didn’t debate much abt it cos I didn’t know how to explain it to him. Oh wells. Was quite a nice conversation though.
There was a festival going on in Edinburgh the past few weeks and today was the end of the festival so they were having a fireworks display when we got back to town. Was so crowded (think almost half the population was down there) The streets were closed and people were just swamming all ard us. I really don’t like crowds, felt kind uncomfortable and didn’t really enjoy the fireworks, coupled by the fact it was drizzling so it was kinda misty and the effects weren’t so good. So was quite relieved when we squeezed our way back to our room, had been a rather tiring but interesting day.

4th Sept - 1st day in Scotland, Edinburgh

Took a 4 hr train ride to Edinburgh, the 2nd biggest city in Scotland. Was pretty nice, just sitting down, looking out of the train looking at the grass, hills, houses, sheep, horses, cows… passing by… Listening to music, thinking, talking to God and myself. Finally not rushing here and there doing stuff, just sat there with nth to do, was the best part of the day really. Feeling of missing home and friends back in Singapore was there, knew I would be home-sick from the start… Sometimes just feel so lost, scared, confused, frustrated, sad, agitated, lonely. But it’s too late to back out now. I’ve chosen this path and I must walk down the road ahead of me. It’s gonna take me longer than others getting adjusted and settling down here but I know God will always be there to help me.
Ok, back to the story. Edinburgh’s a beautiful town, lots of medieval and ancient buildings, castles, churches… We sat down in the park, there were tons of people there, just sitting on the grass, basking in the sun. Had subway for lunch today! Was so happy, heh.
Did quite a lot of walking today, ard town, climbed up to Edinburgh Castle but didn’t go in cos it cost 10 pounds just to enter! So just took a pic outside. Edinburgh’s built mainly on a hill so we had to walk up and down, was rather tiring. Well, watched another play today, not as enjoyable as the previous one but was entertaining nevertheless. This one was a dark comedy abt a girl with a psychological problem, the ending was rather depressing though.
Tmr we’re gonna go on a day tour to see the Loch Ness monster! Heh. I persuaded mommy to join a tour cos I’m really tired of walking ard rather aimlessly, getting lost and asking ple for directions. Just wanna enjoy the scenary and relax without worrying so much.
I walked on the streets at night alone for abt 30 mins today cos I had to go out and buy mineral water. People normally drink beer/ wine/ alcoholic drinks in pubs here at night, it’s like their culture here (and beers are really cheap here too, cost almost the same as water) Walked and walked and walked, thought I’d never find a shop that sells water, got pretty afraid cos there were pubs all ard and some ple were drunk on the streets. Just kept on praying and praying as I walked… Thank God I finally found a shop that sells drinks, snacks and all (run by an Indian man!) heh. Was so relieved when I finally got back to our room.

3rd Sept - 2nd day in notts

Typing this at ard 1am in the morning… physically and mentally tired but not as sleepy as yesterday. Cant type long though cos gotta wake up at 7am tmr to catch a train down to Scotland.

It’s been quite a long day again. Morning started off slow, went down to Wollaton Park in Beeston (it’s a deer park near the uni) really peaceful place with a large large field and a castle on top of it, very much like a fairy tale. But despite the beautiful sight I was feeling rather low in the morning. Realised that it’s not where I am that matters but the people who are with me. Really miss the familiarity in sgp and everyone back there, as well as those in other countries (you shd know who!) But cant msg much cos mom will kill me for sms bills. Sighs. Her obsession with money really gets on my nerves sometimes (she keeps on reminding me of how much I owe her and keeps track of it really well, up to now I owe her S$10000. didn’t know it’s so much but I’ll repay her in installments…) Well guess it’s cos she wants to retire soon and her money is tied up in assets which don’t really pay off. So it’s understandable but still gets me frustrated and angry at times. =/

Walked ard Nottingham town centre again, nth much interesting. Highlight of the day (or rather night) was a performance my mom, serene, and me caught at the Royal Theatre in Notts, entitled “Strangers on a train” Was a really good play, highly entertaining and has lots of literature stuff in it. Satire, irony, tragic, lots of themes and morals. Cant really narrate my thoughts down now cos mom wants to sleep and I gotta sleep soon too…

Had a glimpse of the night scene in Nottingham, it’s a Friday night so many ple were out clubbing. Could see some ple drunk, long queues outside pubs just to get in, girls in mini skirts and all that stuff.

Not entirely looking forward to the long trip to Scotland, cos it’s kinda unplanned and that means we’ll be hunting for accom only when we reach there, and that means my mom gets stressed out which means I get stressed out AND impatient… Havent been doing much of QT, praying only on the go, cos been so busy the past 3 days. Feeling drained already, but the Lord’s been gracious. Hopefully I can do some reflection and reading on the train to Scotland, prob take ard 8 hours there…

Will update you guys more abt my trip when I return.
So far it’s been quite a narrative account of my stay here. Hopefully I can add in some thoughts when I get more settled down and don’t have to rush here and there. Till then, take care and God bless, my friends.

2nd Spet - First day in Notts

Went down to the university first thing in the morning to settle some administrative matters – settled my uni accom, opened a bank account, applied for some smart card and did some exploring of the campus. It’s quite a beautiful campus, not ‘wow’ standard, but good enough to relax, eat, study and socialize. They have a lake there so me and my mom took a walk around. Took quite a number of photos for you guys to see! There was a lot of walking to do cos we had to go from building to building (and my map reading is not really good so you can figure the rest… heh), and the place is quite hilly too, so by afternoon my legs and back were aching. Took a bus down to Nottingham town after that (the uni is situated in the outskirts of Nottingham) Walked ard to explore the town area, pretty nice place. Lots of nice buildings (I know im using a lot of ‘nice’ words but really don’t know how to describe what I see la) so that’s why I took some pics cos a picture paints a thousand words. Well, basically it’s very different from Singapore, very much like Europe if some of you have been there. Got pretty frustrated and impatient with my mom though cos she wanted to visit so many places at one shot and she was asking the locals how to get to here and there and here… and got them pretty confused, they were wondering where she really wanted to go. I tried to come in but made things worse so I just shut up. Well, eventually we did land up somewhere and went walking again from there. Didn’t manage to visit a lot of places though cos they were all closed by the time we got there. I was pretty relieved in fact cos I was so tired from all that rushing I just wanted to go home to rest. I really wished my brother is here, cos whenever my mom does sth I don’t like, I will complain to my bro and vice versa and I wont feel so frustrated after that. Sigh. Oh wells.

Well, we decided to just have dinner and go back cos my mom realized she was quite tired as well. The shops here close ard 5pm so it was almost a ghost town by 5pm. Other than a few eating places and pubs, most of the shops were closed. We walked and walked and walked and finally came across some Chinese fast food restaurant. Thank God we didn’t eat at macs, we were contemplating to eat there cos there was no other cheap food outlet ard. Food in UK is very very expensive. Even the ‘cheap’ Chinese outlet we went to charges 1.10 pounds for a bowl of plain rice (that works out to abt S$3.50!!!) Well, we shared a bowl of rice, soup and a side dish. Not too bad la, and filled our stomachs. Met another 2 Singaporeans there as well, dad and son who’s working at the hospital in Nottingham. Really nice ple, the son gave me his contact so that I can contact him if I have any problems in the future. God is good.

Took a bus back after that and due to my bad sense of direction we got slighty lost again but reached back at the house eventually at ard 8pm. Decided to type this so when I get internet connection I can post this on my blog for you guys to read. Well, im not studying yet so I can type so much but once term begins don’t think I can type such detailed descriptions of my day (don’t think u guys have the time and patience to read so long also… I know im long-winded) But will try my best to keep u guys updated abt whats happening. I would be most happy if any of you could drop me a mail as well to let me know how things are back in Singapore, sch, work, ypm, anything… would love to hear from you all! =)

Okay, pretty tired… think I’ll get some sleep for another long day tmr. Miss you all. Take care and God bless.

1st Sept - Day of Departure

Woke up late at 6.30am (was supposed to wake up at 5.30am but overslept my alarm) Taxi was coming at 7am to bring us to the airport. Was quite a mad rush cos I left some things to pack the last minute. Mom was screaming so was I. But managed to get all out stuff packed and got down in time. Mind was in a blur and mess on the way to the airport. So many things going thru my mind at one time, didn’t know what to feel. Thank God someone advised us to weigh our luggages first before we checked-in cos we would have to unpack and re-pack our luggage in front of everyone, and hold up the queue. (I hate embarrassing situations, who doesn’t…) Well, I mis-judged at home (I used the human weighing scale so not so accurate la) luggages came up to abt 57kg in all, excess by 7kg. So mom had to hand-carry one of them instead. Checked in one HUGE luggage, one medium-sized one and one guitar in the end (weighed 47.5kg in total) Max. allowed is 50kg. So thank God that wasn’t too much of a problem.

Yvonne, Joanna, Jesslyn, Janice and her dad, Gina (late as usual, heh), matt, uncle William, Aunty Meiyoke, Jon, Lester, Sze Hsien and Elijah came down to send me off at the airport. Thank you all so much for coming down that early morning, despite the fact that it was supposed to be a sch hol for some of you, and some of you had to rush down to sch or work after that… Sorry I couldn’t talk much to you all cos I had to rush in so soon, but just wanna say I really appreciated all your concern, prayers and well-wishes. Thanks Jesslyn for getting everyone to write in the book for me. Read all of the notes in the plane, was really touched… couldn’t help but smile as I read each on of them. Thanks you guys! :)

Plane journey was an interesting one. The only bad thing was that the seat was so squeezy and narrow, I had to get up and walk ard every 1 hour to get my blood circulation in my legs running and to avoid a cramp. I sat beside an old lady, mom started chatting with her. Found out she’s a british citizen but stays in Scotland. She came from Perth! And was in transit in Singapore. Went to visit her 2 sons in western Australia. She was bemoaning her trip there to me abt how her sons had got married and led their own lives, and couldn’t really be bothered abt her anymore. Quite sad to hear that. But she also told me lots of interesting stuff abt her travels, cant rem much though. She was sitting beside the window and seemed rather fascinated by the view outside. Every few minutes she would exclaim and ask me to take a look out of the window. I saw Iraq and Germany from above (Iraq was just patches of bare land for miles and miles… she was wondering how ple actually live there… Germany was full of agriculture, miles and miles of vegetables and all…I saw some ships as well when we flew above the ocean) I watched 2 movies, “13 going on 30” and “The Stradford wives” both comedies, I really wanted to watch sth funny. Havent watched a comedy in a long while and I needed a good laugh. Other than that, I just ate and slept and stoned throughout the journey. Played some Mario as well, but got bored of it really fast. (last time me and my bro would spend hours on that game, i wonder why now….)
Finally we reached London Heathrow Airport. Didn’t take too long to get past customs. When I stepped out of the airport, was pretty surprised to see bright sunny skies, was warmer than I thought it would be. It’s supposed to be the end of summer now… thought it was autumn already. Oh wells. Waited for our coach for abt 2 hours before we boarded it to take us to Nottingham. Slept for most of the way, was feeling rather exhausted… When we reached there, it was freezing cold, waited for our host to pick us up from the bus station. Our hosts are 2 really nice ple, the wife’s a Singaporean, married a british and they live in Notts. They were really friendly, hospitable and all. They even gave up their master bedroom to let me and my mom stay! Felt quite bad… Their house is really cosy, they have a cute cat that sleeps on a sofa, and they have lots of softoys in their room, felt really at home. Really thank God for this wonderful Christian couple. Otherwise we would be clueless of where to stay here…