Updates, thoughts & ramblings

Ran the SAFRA Bay Run & Army Half Marathon on 16 August.
Was my first half marathon. Completed 21km in slightly less than 2.5hrs
Considering i've not ran more than 8km without stopping, i'm quite surprised and proud of myself :)
I was feeling quite ok until 10km, after which each km seemed to get longer and longer, until i couldn't feel my legs, and i had to force my legs to keep on moving, despite it's protests :P
I believe in mind over body, and this was a personal challenge to see whether i could go beyond my limits and comfort zone. Also to train for upcoming climb up Mt Kinabalu in September.

Everytime i run, i am reminded of how life is. A marathon. One can start well, but finishing well is what matters more. It's important to pace oneself, or it's easy to get burnt out and give up. One needs to keep the finishing line and prize in mind, which motivates the runner to keep on going. Having companions to run alongside with also helps.

In the words of the bible,
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:23-25

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

Meanwhile, have been very very busy with work. Am in the main organising committee for the upcoming Yellow Ribbon Run on 6 Sept. They say that scholars are supposed to do more, and more is expected from people like us. I'm really feeling stretched and overwhelmed, but sustained by the LORD's grace and strength. Scholar or not, i don't really care anymore, i just do my best and leave the rest to God. I don't really care how far i go or how people look at me anymore. Too tired to bother any longer. Anyhow, i take it as a learning experience, and a test and opportunity to learn to rely more on God, and not my own wisdom or strength. If i boast, let me boast in the LORD. If i succeed, all glory goes to God. And if i fail, then i shall say, blessed be His name.

Facing Discouragement & Loneliness @ Work

Under the shadow of Your wings
I will find a hiding place
You are my refuge
A fortress in whom I can trust

Under the shadow of Your wings
I will find a hiding place
You are my refuge
My God in whom I trust

You are my strength and my shield, O Lord
I run to You and I find help
Under the shadow of Your wings will I abide
And in Your loving arms i will hide

Reflections...

It's been about 2 weeks after my dad passed away.
I was swamped with work the moment i returned the following day, and for a while things seemed to return to normal, as if nothing ever happened.
I returned to my dad's house this weekend, to visit my stepmom and stepsis' family. They seem to be coping alright, and getting on with life. My stepmom had went through all my dad's stuff, and pulled up a whole stack of photos of us when we were younger. (Now i know where all my childhood photos went!) Apparently, he had kept them and framed them up so he could see us whenever he wanted. My stepmom passed me a few of his old tennis rackets, jackets, specs, belts and old photographs. Brought back memories of my dad, and i had to hold back my tears.
Today, my mom convened a "meeting" with my sister, brother and myself to share with us of her life and the circumstances and evens leading up to my parents' divorce. She felt that it was time to tell us, now that we had all grown up, and to take this opportunity before something bad happened.
I was somewhat shocked at some things my mom told me - i never knew about all this. I never dared to ask about the past for fear of bringing up bad memories. Now, pieces of the puzzle slowly fit together. As my mom shared about the breakdown of her relationship with my dad, my heart sank. I could still sense the pain and sorrow that my mom went through then. Though she has forgiven, however, some things cannot be completely forgotten.
My mom shared this with us so that we would know the mistakes she made, and learn from them so that we would not make the same mistakes in the future. Sometimes i can't help but be afraid of getting married, because of my mom's bad experience. I don't know if i'm cut out for marriage, what more bringing up children of my own! Sometimes perhaps i want to choose the easy way out or run away from these fears by remaining single.
I shall just leave this to God, and entrust it to Him. If He provides, He provides. If not, then so be it :) I'm sure singleness is not all that bad. It has it's perks as well. heh.
Also came up with some sort of simple "death will, wishes and parting words" for my family to do in the case that i die suddenly. The unpredictability of life hit me hard since my dad's demise and i'd rather not assume i'll live long. it's never too early to prepare in advance i guess :P