A restless night

A restless night it has been.
Spending hours worrying and thinking about stuff that i shouldn't be thinking about. Paralyzes me and i don't get anything done as a result. Quite frustrating.
Sigh. Sorry Lord... I know you're moulding me. Teach me to let the Spirit control me, and not my sinful nature.

Thinking of going on a mission trip to Malta (an island in the meditaranean sea) in the easter holidays... I've always been excited about mission trips, and i've been praying for this one for months. Having some doubts about it now though cos of a few reasons.
Become a bit disillusioned about what 'mission' means. I can't even do simple things right as a christian, how am i fit to go out to the mission field? Won't i be a hypocrite? But then again, i know if i think that way then possibly i'd never go, or anyone for that matter... God uses imperfect people to do His work. Lord, if it's what You want me to do, please grant me Your peace and re-assurance.

The one thing I ask of the Lord -
the one thing I seek most -
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
delighting in the Lord's perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
he will hide me in his sanctuary.
He will place me out of reach on a high rock.
Then I will hold my head high,
above my enemies who surround me.
At his Tabernacle I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,
singing and praising the Lord with music."
Psalm 27:4-6

Happy Chinese New Year!

Hello all,

it's been quite a while since i last blogged. I realize that i'm starting to lose the purpose and motivation to blog, ever since i started this blog when i came to UK, started off mainly as a descriptive blog to update ple back home of what's happening, slowly turned to somewhere i can share my reflections and thoughts, and to encourage people with what God teaches me, at times became avenues to vent my frustrations... Now it's pretty aimless and rambly - like now. Heh. Guess it could be a combination of all of these.

Got back my results for my first semester, i didn't have any expectations, got a 2-1 which is what i'm aiming for, thank God for it, with the short time i had to prepare and the stress i was facing... it's more than i can ask for...

Then went to Barcelona for a few days. Started school for 3 weeks now. Went horseriding in Sherwood forest. Had a nice surprise for Valentine's :) Had a nice chinese new year weekend with friends. Had 30ple over at our house for dinner on Friday, had a quiet reunion dinner with 2 friends, a lunch in church on CNY and dinner at home with 10 other friends. Passed by pretty fast, there's not much CNY atmosphere here, pretty different from back home in singapore. But i'm contented and thankful for the good time of fellowship and food with friends this weekend.

Walk with God has been pretty alright. Learning to abide in Him daily... I know I should be spending more time in prayer and studying the Word. He teaches me old and new things daily.

In the midst of the busyness and restlessness
Teach me to have a quiet heart to seek You at Your feet
Not to find comfort in my goodness, or my success, or my popularity
To learn not to let my conscience condemn me
But to let it direct me to obey You
To learn to lay down my rights
To know and love you more
So whatever i do, think or say
May be an outpouring of the gratefulness of what You have done for me
And the love that You have poured into my heart

P.S. I've opened a new account to post photos :)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/17466796@N00/

The One Thing

God opened my eyes tonight, after listening to a sermon by Edmund Chan, a pastor of covenant evangelical church in Singapore.
He brought new perspective into the passage from Luke 10:38-42 to me.

38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

It’s not about where we are, or what we do that matters to God, but the inner disposition of the heart that truly matters. Martha’s fault was not in being busy, but in being worried and upset about many trivial things. She was frustrated with herself, which led to frustration with God. I do realize how much that is true of me. My studies, my need to meet people’s needs and seek their approval and acceptance, my desire for perfection, has clouded my mind and burdened by heart, distracting me from the one thing that truly matters.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul

brief thoughts

The first week of school has just passed.
Slowly starting my studying engines again after a short break in Barcelona (can view the pics at: http://community.webshots.com/user/pamphor1985 under 'My Public Shoebox')
Learning to walk daily with Him, learning how to face my daily struggles with God's strength and word. Praying God will teach me how to spend my time and money, learning to prioritize, to love God and others...
Praying God would give me a more grateful and joyful heart. Something i'm lacking severely.
One day at a time. God is changing me :)