Struck Down Again...But Not Defeated

I thought I recovered from the last blow from my final paper. But today, i got an even greater blow. I've been charged with a possible academic offence - plagarism. Which is VERY serious... And may mean that my degree goes down by a grade. I was stunned and afraid when i first read the letter/ email. I didn't expect myself to be charged with plagarism and I have to attend a meeting where I have to explain my deeds, and for the school tutors to decide what to do with me (Sounds a but like a court hearing to me...). The meeting is next week, and i'm supposed to be in Prague then, booked air tix accom and all liao, so i requested to see them earlier or later. But they said that if i don't attend this meeting i won't be able to graduate. When i heard that, my heart just sank, and the severity of the situation dawned upon me. I knew i was at fault and i was in no position to bargain.

I was furious at myself, for my foolishness in being complacent once again, not being meticulous about ensuring that i don't take sentences word-for-word and put them in my essay. I know I'm wrong. Once again, i felt like God was punishing me and that made me angry at Him... I wanted to run away from everyone and hide. But then i met another friend who was in the same position as me. I wasn't feeling the most loving and sympathetic, and all i could think was what would happen to me, the loss of my pride and self-respect, etc. I didn't want to help her or be with her, but in the end i agreed to go with her to make an appointment with the school advice centre to ask them for advice. I really wanted to be alone then but for some reason or other i asked her if she wanted to go with me to pray in the chapel. I said a short prayer together with her, confessing our sin and asking God for His mercy and help in this. She then shared with me her family situation and how this was going to affect her, and i realized that she was worse-off than me and i felt ashamed at how self-centered i am dwelling in self-pity. Nevertheless I still feel the burden of the consequences of my misdeed. The shame that it has brought me, to think that a christian can do such a thing. To think that a future prison officer can commit an offence. The black mark it has put on me. What would people think? The possibility of a lowered degree. Forfeiting my trip with my friends to eastern europe which i was so looking forward to... At times I really want to rebel against God like a child rebels against his/her parents. But a friend reminded me not to struggle or fight, but to just obey and submit. I'm going to try to do that. Pray that God will teach me how to face this in a way that is right and pleasing to Him. Pray that He will be merciful to me and that He will give me the wisdom to speak and explain to the board during the meeting next Thursday.
Thanks friends.

Yet another blow
Bitter I ran
But who can i run to?
I look with disdain and regret
at my folly
What can i do
But bear its consequences?
Would You show mercy
On Your servant
My pride's been shattered once more
Teach me to be humble
Help me find delight in You once more...

it is finished!

I've finished my final exams... Thanks for all your encouragement, prayers and love friends. It was much needed and appreciated :)
First 2 papers went ok, last paper was terrible... Was really upset at myself, even blamed others and God. Perhaps i should have done more, was i too complacent? But after talking and praying with a friend, and settling the issue with God, i'm much better. It's out of my hands now. There's regret, but what's the point in that? To learn from my mistake, let go and move on. To trust He will work things out for good and give me accordingly...
The feeling of finishing uni and graduating has not sunk in yet. Feel rather emotionless at this moment. Relieved yes. But not overjoyed or what. I'm not a very emotional person by nature, too unemotional it scares me at times. Guess also my feelings are attenuated by today's paper. But yes, thank God for bringing me through this stressful period and that He's taught me much through it. I felt that i could have dealt with it better if i depended more on Him, but i believe i'll learn slowly through each trial.
On one hand, finishing exams has left me with more time - or so it seems, yet on the other hand, i feel there's much that needs to be done, which can be a good thing so i dont idle. But i must remember not to run ahead of God, to busy myself with too many things, but to stay close to Him each day.

Next stop: Prague and Poland.

10 more days to... (:

In the final preparation stage before i begin my final exams... My papers are on 22, 24 and 29 May. Really thank God that i've more time to prepare this time compared to January, so not rushing like mad... Hope i'm not being too complacent though. Ok lar, learning not to go crazy studying. I know that over this hill, it's downhill from there, at least before the next hill comes :)So i should not live to just get past the exams, which i tend to do whenever it's the exam period =/ Whatever your situation might be, turn to Him... and He will help you.

A friend shared this song with me, i never really took notice of the lyrics till recently. It's written and sang by Corrine May. She's a really gifted singer. Singaporean too :) It's a really simple and meaningful song, which reminds us to find God in the simple things in everyday life. You never know when you'll meet an angel in disguise, or when you can be one too ;) Enjoy and God bless you all richly my friends.

Angels in Disguise

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed
and dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody Loves You'

But out on the street it starts to pour
and before I get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me
the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look at Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch and we had a delicious meal
But I forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out on the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places,
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look at Paradise
You could be next to an Angel in Disguise

Thoughts of the Week

John Newton, who once used to be a slave trader but later repented and became a christian, wrote the song 'Amazing Grace'. He said 2 things which struck and touched me:

"I may have a terrible memory. But there are 2 things that i will never forget. One: I am a great sinner. And two: Jesus is a great Saviour"

"I'm not what i ought to be
I'm not what i want to be
I'm not what i hope to be
But thank God, i'm not what i used to be"