update on dad and work

Dad went for his first chemobilisation treatment last Wednesday. He was in hospital for about 5 days for post-treatment observation. He was discharged from hospital on Monday, and he’s doing pretty ok, other that the fact that he is feeling very weak and tired due to the effects of the treatment and cancer. He can’t really eat, walk or talk very much =/

Work’s been very busy – worked almost 70 hours last week – that equals about 14 hours every day if it is a 5-day work week. Even when I’m home sometimes I still do work till late at night. Think I’m turning into a workaholic…

I feel a lot that people don’t think very well of me at work, and there has been some not so very nice talk of me. Feel rather disheartened and disappointed. Feel that at times everything I do seems to be wrong to people. Sometimes even feel ‘laughed at’. Maybe I’m just being over-sensitive, but it’s kinda getting to me… Trying to stay close to God which has honestly been a struggle of late with many many distractions and things on my mind. Need your prayers in this aspect. Need to re-focus back on Him… Thanks.

I’m coming to the end of my 3 months on-the-job training and this Friday is my graduation ceremony, where I’ll become a full-fledged prison officer from then onwards. No more labelled as a trainee, and much more will be expected from us. To my utter surprise, I emerged as best trainee amongst my squadmates. I didn’t expect myself to get it, and I really don’t think I deserve it, but God often gives me many things which I don’t deserve. Perhaps it’s his way of encouraging me, which I’m grateful and thankful for.

dad

Guess most of you who are reading this would have received my email about my dad, so won't go in detail here...

it's strange how i'm feeling rather emotionless about all that has happened the last 1 week. i was feeling a mixture of fear and worry last sunday when i rushed my dad to A&E. Throughout this week, at times when i think about my dad, a mixture of sadness and fear grips me. I'm trying to stay strong and not get too emotional, which is not too difficult, considering i don't express much of my emotions. People might mistake me for being cold and heartless.

i'm thankful that for the past 5 years or so, i started to spend more time and get closer to my dad - even if it were 10 minute phonecalls from UK every week, i believe it meant much to him. i'm not very close to my dad and find it hard to express my love and care for him, but when i saw him suffering in hospital, i held his hand perhaps for the first time since i was 5 years old. Strange.

I'm not afraid to lose my dad. i know it's only a matter of time. My greatest fear is that he will go with bitterness and hatred in his heart towards God - smth which he has held in his heart all his life, because of all that he has been through. i never fail to get into quarrels with my dad about christianity, and i've kinda given up trying to speak to him about it, for wishing to avoid conflict. it seems impossible for him to accept God, i kinda see his reasons and where He is coming from. he blames God for everything bad in this world. it's hard to convince him. I believe now that only God can change his heart. only God.

it's interesting how i found out more things about what happened between my mom and dad last time, when my mom visited my dad in hospital today. And i started to piece up the puzzle of possible reasons for my parent's divorce. it's too late now, but at least i understand better, and hopefully avoid the same mistake in my own life.

i've been rather tired thinking about many things lately.
Need my soul to BE STILL and find REST in God.