reminiscent =)

Thinking about home. Honestly, it's been quite rare since i got back here. I've been feeling so detached and disconnected from home, family and friends back home... Guess it's hard to keep in touch frequently cos of different time zones, lives, etc.
But it's always nice to read a comment dropped by someone back home, even if it's a short one :) thank you eefoo, meixin, justin, ty and all who read...
Was reading a friend's blog from home, got me reminiscent about home and all. And gave me inspiration to blog, thanks Yvonne if youre reading this :)

I think i've been here long enough to forget how life is like back in Singapore. But i guess ultimately i'm just an 'embassader' here for the meantime and doing what God wants me to do here. Yet sometimes, i'm confused about where my sense of belonging is. I've grown to grow familiar to this place, and found my community of friends here as well. i've even got a home to call my own now :) But ultimately this is only my temporary home...

Realise i'm not a face-to-face person if you know me. i'm not good at interacting with people and being myself. Find it so much easier to communicate through emails and stuff. the less direct the better, heh. Sigh. but that's not how God created us to be right? otherwise everyone can just stay at home and communicate through the internet/ phone. We all need some sort physical touch eventually.

ok. just some thoughts. been a while since i typed them down...

a broken spirit and a contrite heart

A broken spirit, and a contrite heart
You will not despise
You will not despise
You desire truth in the inward parts
A broken spirit ,and a contrite heart

"1Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love,
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
2Wash me clean from my guilt,
Purify me from my sin.
6But you desire honesty from the heart,
so you can teach me to be wise in my inmost being.
7Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;
Wash me, and i will be whiter than snow.
8Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me -
now let me rejoice.
9Don't keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a right spirit within me.
11Do not banish me from your presence,
and don't take away your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me again the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you."

Psalm 51

on baking (part 2)

Hmm things weren't as bad as i described it in my last post... I tend to look at things too negatively sometimes =/ anyway, thanks huifen, i certainly do need to get some baking tips from you.
Anyway, my flatmates said that it tasted quite nice! yay =)
heh, so what was bad turned out to be 'good' in the end.
Guess it's a bit like me. I'm so rubbish and messed up, but somehow God still uses me.
And though i feel the things that i do are like that cake-gone-wrong but by God's grace and miracle it turns out to be good.
Guess God really specializes in using broken, spoilt, bad people/things and making them good and wholesome, or even better =) Amazing huh.

i didnt get much work done in the weekend in the end =/ oh well. Shall not worry and trust God. Please pray for me - for more focus and God's wisdom to use my time.

have a blessed week ahead my friends.

on baking

Had my first attempt at baking today.
It was doomed to fail from the start. heh.
Got the simplest recipe i could find on the net - Butter Cake
Quite idiot proof. Or so i thought.
Bought the equipment and ingredients. Spent about S$60 in all.
Fatal error no. 1: Added butter to the flour (i.e. i added a double portion of butter)
Fatal error no. 2: Forgot to beat the butter first before adding sugar
Fatal error no. 3: Added in egg yolks without beating butter and sugar first

Bah. I realised it was insalvageable on number 3. And so the rest was history.
Was quite irritated and disappointed at myself initially. After all that money and effort spent. Only to screw up =/
But learnt a few important lessons through this failure:
1) I am a terribly impatient and careless person. I try to hurry things and do them as fast as i can. I hate wasting time.
2) There are no short cuts. More haste less speed. I have to follow step by step and not try combine or skip steps!!! Crucial in baking!!! And probably in the christian walk as well.
3) We can learn from our mistakes, and it can do us good. If once i fail, try and try again. And guess that applies to the christian walk as well.
4) We can find some humour in such situations. And so yes, here i am typing this post. Hopefully you're smiling or grinning. heh.

Oh yes, if youre interested. I decided to go ahead and bake the 'mixture' anyway. Looked far from a cake, but tasted quite nice!! haha. not a COMPLETE failure after all. At least i can eat it.
oh well. So here's my account of my first baking attempt. There will be more to come! Stay tuned.... till then, if pam can cook, so can you!

thoughts....

My flatmates are in London this weekend, so i'm all alone in the flat tonight.... Feels so different, feels like last year, when i spent most of my nights alone in my room. Got me reflective. Maybe that's why i'm blogging less this year, my social activity has increased, voluntarily and involuntarily. heh. Guess it's good also. Need to learn to be less anti-social.

Anyway, been thinking about pleasures lately. And the point of them all. So many things i want to do. I wish i could do. Skydiving. Horseriding. White water rafting. Travelling. Watching movies. Playing games. Etc. The list can go on....

Yet, all these require both time and money. Which could be used and spent on God's work and 'better suff'. I still can't reconcile the fact of me pursuing worldly pleasures and the verse that 'this life that i live, i live no longer for myself . I'm questioning all the things i do, to the point that i get legalistic and judgemental sometimes. =/ sigh, i don't know. I confused. I'm just trying to obey His Word, yet sometimes seems so contrary to what the world does - even those whom He calls. Or am i mis-interpreting scripture? Someone please enlighten me... O Lord, please speak to me. Teach me how to live this life you've called me to.

autumn's here... again

Yup, it's here alright. I was wondering when it'll come but i guess it creeps in slowly...
Can see the mixture of green, brown, red, orange and yellow leaves and fallen maple leaves covering the ground. I remember last year how i used to trudge through the fallen leaves on the path on the way to school. Was quite fun :) But this year i'll be giving it a miss cos i've become lazy and take the shuttle bus (they call it the hopper bus here cos you hop on and off. heh.) to school instead of walking. bleh. But maybe i'll just shuffle through the leaves-strewen path just for fun one day.
Quite like autumn, it's nice when the wind blows and the orange leaves surround me. The days are getting shorter though =/ And i'm not looking forward to long nights again... but seasons come and go i guess.

end of a busy week...

Ending my week at 3am on a friday. Finally have time after a busy week to blog... Thank God for weekends... though it itself has it's own set of 'busyness'. sigh, need to rest in Him. Have been running about doing stuff, but spending less time with Him, guess that's why i've been feeling lethargic, and all. But His grace and strength sustains me nevertheless.

Had our first proper bible study for solid rock today. Was very very unprepared, realized that only an hour before bible study and was in a mad rush to tie loose strings! Ultimately, i knew only God's mercy and grace could help me, and He did. Was struggling initially, but thank God for people in my group who helped to contribute to the discussion. Quite a gd mix of ple, from Africa, Korea, China, HK, Singapore and Malaysia... A few newcomers and come non-christians came as well.

ok need to focus on studying in the weekend, quite strangely i do most of my studying (however little of it) during the weekends more than the weekdays... quite unfocused in the weekdays cos there's so much other stuff going on. Many things i'm still unsure of =/

Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and i will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because i am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly and the burden i give to you is light." Matthew 11:18-30

Coming to Jesus, guess that's where i go at the start and end of the day... to find rest, peace and solace in Him. One thing i still don't understand though. Why does He say the burden He gives is light? i sort of understand, but it's not concrete enough... hmm.

ok, time to zzz.
Have a blessed and restful weekend my friends.

P.S. FH is flying back to Singapore today, keep a look out for him :)

Come to Jesus - taken from "Utmost for His Highest"

Isn’t it humiliating to be told that we must come to Jesus! Think of the things about which we will not come to Jesus Christ. If you want to know how real you are, test yourself by these words— "Come to Me . . . ." In every dimension in which you are not real, you will argue or evade the issue altogether rather than come; you will go through sorrow rather than come; and you will do anything rather than come the last lap of the race of seemingly unspeakable foolishness and say, "Just as I am, I come." As long as you have even the least bit of spiritual disrespect, it will always reveal itself in the fact that you are expecting God to tell you to do something very big, and yet all He is telling you to do is to "Come . . . ."
"Come to Me . . . ." When you hear those words, you will know that something must happen in you before you can come. The Holy Spirit will show you what you have to do, and it will involve anything that will uproot whatever is preventing you from getting through to Jesus. And you will never get any further until you are willing to do that very thing. The Holy Spirit will search out that one immovable stronghold within you, but He cannot budge it unless you are willing to let Him do so.
How often have you come to God with your requests and gone away thinking, "I’ve really received what I wanted this time!" And yet you go away with nothing, while all the time God has stood with His hands outstretched not only to take you but also for you to take Him. Just think of the invincible, unconquerable, and untiring patience of Jesus, who lovingly says, "Come to Me . . . ."

first week of school

Hi all,
hope it's been a good week.
Labs and lectures have started for me, and i've got quite a number of morning lectures this year! that means waking up early... and i've realised i'm quite bad at that esp since i'm nocturnal and sleep late and wake up late. Guess it's good also, disciplines me to sleep a lil earlier and wake up early too. Though i had to drag myself out of bed this week, and overslept my alarm most of the time. heh. But good thing 2 of my flatmates do psych as well so we help wake each other up! Lectures have been alright, just have a lot of reading up to do. I've borrowed most of the books from the library (being a typical kiasu singaporean) but have yet to read up on them due to other commitments and random things that come along the way...
I realised that staying in a flat means spending MORE time doing grocery shopping, cooking, washing, etc. But it's been alright, learning to cook more stuff :)
Had our first cell group meeting for Solid Rock tonight. I led P&W for the first time, was quite a daunting and humbling experience. So many things against me, i hate extensive attention, i can't sing for nuts and i've got a stuttering problem when i speak, esp to large groups of ple when i get nervous. But i must remember it's all about Him and not myself... So must learn to learn and move on... If this is what He has called me to do here, then it shall be and His grace would be sufficient. Cell went alright, things were a bit awkward initially but after an ice-breaker things warmed up more. Not many ple came today, but was a good sharing session, about how each of us came to know Christ. Realised all our experiences are so vastly different, and how God deals with each one of us. Ultimately, it doesn't matter if we have known Him for ages or have just known Him, we're all learning and what matters most is that we follow Him with a sincere heart. We're all equal in His sight, 'mature' or 'immature' christian. The least shall be the greatest and the greatest shall be the least in the kingdom of God.
Weekend's here = time to stock up food in fridge!!! haha. Might do some baking with my flatmates tmr as well. Havent tried that yet :P
And yes, i better catch up on my reading and WORK. O Lord grant me discipline and FOCUS.

first day of school

Finally. School and lessons are going to start. It's been 2 weeks, yet it feels like 2 months, i really don't know why.
I'm not ready to start school yet =/ Well, but i need to get down to it soon. Monday blues i guess. Thank God i don't have too early a lecture though.
"Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct." Galatians 6:4-5
I guess this gives me reason to study for now.
I want to go sky diving and sailing, if God and time permits :)
ok need to get changed and walk to school soon.
God bless and have a good week ahead my friends.

All Because Of This - Mercy Me (Spoken For)

Why do we do the things we do
How can we sing when there seems no reason to
How do we smile when there's not much to smile about
When the world is down who are we to stand and shout
They wonder why we do the things we do

[CHORUS]
It's all because of this
It's all because of this
We've tasted love, tasted hope, tasted holiness

And they wonder why, we do the things we do