Christmas part 2

i second that... thanks meiyin for sharing the video :)

Tis the Season...

Went for the last evening session at church youth camp last week. Glenn Lim was the camp speaker. He was one of my inspirations for joining prison, so it was significant that he was speaking. He spoke of Caleb, and how he, unlike the other Israelites who saw the Canannites (the people of the promised land) as 'giants' and impossible to defeat, had faith in God to overcome them and acquire the land God had promised them. It was a timely reminder that despite the giants i face at work, i know my God is with me and will deliver me from my enemies and take His rightful place!
Work has been interesting to say the least. Being stern/ fierce/ scolding is not my forte. The only person i've ever really scolded is probably my younger brother, when we were younger. Every day is a new adventure and lesson for me.
Christmas is approaching, however, i don't really feel it. Unlike the time when i was in UK, where we'll be busy preparing for the annual christmas concert, or organising potlucks in people's houses, or watching the snow fall. I kinda miss those days. oh well, that's not the crux of christmas in any case...

Let us remember the less fortunate this christmas season and give generously. It's more blessed to give than to receive!
Have a Blessed Christmas, my friends :)

First week in Prison

Lots of new things to learn and issues to grapple with. Is it possible to be as innocent as a dove, but as shrewd as a snake? How hard should i be? Can i still be myself without being trampled over and taken advantage of? Someone once said not to take others' kindness as a weakness, but in this dog-eat-dog world, kindness often doesn't pay off. I'm still trying to find that fine balance. i don't wish to have a spilt personality. I'm beginning to see the harsh realities of prison. Joined with rather lofty ambitions to 'rehab', but i'm beginning to doubt if i can really do that. The notion of them being able to change has been challenged, some say that second chances should only be given to those who deserve them. Humanly and logically speaking, that seems right. But come to think of it, we all don't deserve God's forgiveness and grace, yet He still gives it to us, that's what makes grace, well, grace. Why then, should seemingly 'hardcore' offenders not be given that grace as well? But the concept of grace seems foreign in my work environment. It's really hard ground, and every day i'm only depending on God's grace to protect and help me to try help others.
It's only the beginning, and i know the journey will only get tougher from here, at least for the start, i'm not expecting an easy time, but i know that i'm get by with the Lord's grace. I pray that i won't only be a good prison officer, but more importantly, a godly one. I don't want to seek to meet people's expectations of me, nor seek to rise the ranks, nor seek people's approval, but to do what God has called me to do here - which is to be a light in the darkness. Will you please pray with me? I can't do this alone.

Been feeling rather left out and rejected amongst some of the youth at church lately. I'm supposed to be there to help people feel welcome, but somehow i feel sometimes i need to feel welcomed too. It's been more than a year now, and things haven't progressed much despite my efforts. At times I feel i'm trying too hard, while at times i feel that i'm not doing enough. It's really hard sometimes and i feel stuck and but somehow know that He has His reasons to put me here for such a time as this... Can see that God has put in some of the youth's hearts a desire to reach out to others in need, something which really encourages me :)

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

Turn of a New Chapter...

Alas, 25 weeks have come and gone by in a blink of an eye... I've learnt and grown a lot through these past 6 months or so, first adapting to a whole new culture and environment, learning to speak up and step up to take the lead, pushing myself to my physical and mental limits, living and working together with ple of different personalities. This is only the beginning - the foundation of at least the next 5 years as a prison officer. Feels rather unreal, and the feeling hasn't fully sunk in. Feels a bit like the 'lost' feeling after u finish a major exam. Already missing my squadmates and training life. No more....

- alarm going off at 2230 to remind me of lights off
- booking in every sunday night
- flag raising at 0645
- bunk evening every tues and thurs evening
- shouting and screaming at one another in the bunks
- soggy vegetables and sticky noodles for meals
- marching from point to point
- makan/boardgame sessions in the rec room

As King Solomon wrote in his book of Ecclesiastes, There's a time for everything, a season for every activity under the sun. Guess it's time for me to grow up and step out. I foresee the road ahead to be challenging, but will take one step at a time and trust God to walk me through. To discover the reason why God brought me here. Pray for me that i'll be make a difference for Him. Pray for the prison officers that they will discover who He is so that they can give hope to the prisoners. Pray for the prisoners and family members - that their lives would be touched and changed by Him.
Have received my posting - will be doing my on-the-job training at changi women's prison - pretty much expected. Starting on 1 Dec. Sadly we're not allowed to leave the country during our 1 week block leave, so stuck in singapore =/ Perhaps it's good also, been feeling rather spiritually dry lately cos past few weeks have been very busy and hectic and i haven't been spending much time alone with God. Also prob spend some time to rest & clear up stuff at home, run some errands and catch up with friends. Perhaps visit places in Singapore which i've not been to too :)

1 more week to POP....

Dear friends, thanks for keeping me in prayer. My papers went ok - not the best, but thankful it's over. i've done what i can, now is just to leave the rest to God. I'm learning to submit and surrender my pride and will to God - not to find my identity in who the world says i am or to seek for man's approval, but to secure my identity and significance in Him alone.

Been busy preparing to pass out this Friday. Gonna have to learn the parade commands and how to balance the sword on my wrist. Quite excited about it. 6 months have come and go in a flash... Part of me doesn't want this to end so soon, cos that means that i'm going out soon to face the dog-eat-dog world out there. But i know it's just a matter of time that i need to do what i've been called to do. Can't let fear cripple me.

Haven't got my posting yet, though i'm pretty sure it's the women's prison i'll be working at. Have 1 week block leave before i start work on 1 dec. Thinking of going travelling somewhere - been sometime since i did that and miss it. Mom's away travelling for 1 1/2 months and that leaves me alone at home.

Anyway, here's an upcoming seminar which some of u might be interested in with the current economic situation:




And here's a new song to share :)

Some Updates

Last 3 weeks have been busy so didn’t have time to update…
Here’s how OBS went:
- Hiked 10km with a 10kg backpack
- Slept by the beach and watched as the planes and ships pass by
- Bitten by mosquitoes and sandflies
- Went without bathing for 4 days and 3 nights
- Walked along through the forest at night in almost pitch darkness
- Sat alone in the forest for 6 hours
- Sailed a 16-men boat (called a cutter) for 2 1/2 days
- Slept through a rainstorm on board the boat
- Awakened in the whee hours of the morning
There were times I just wished I were back in the comforts of home, but all in all, I enjoyed the experience – learning how to expect the unexpected, being open to feedback (esp negative ones), stepping up to be a leader, facing one’s fears, amongst many other lessons…

Another 2 more weeks before i finish the residential phase of my training and go to the 'ground' for my on-the-job (OJT) phase for 3 months before i officially graduate as a prison officer. Believe this is where the steepest learning curve and greatest challenge will be for me. Have heard about the various ‘tests’ that new officers are put through on the ground. But for now, the most immediate hurdle for me would be my upcoming exams on 10 & 12 Nov, which would largely determine how well i will be graded for my residential trg phase. I was again reminded of the expectations the department has of me as a 'scholar' and was urged to work harder. I’ve been compared to previous scholars and feel that I’m not as good as them. When I look into the mirror I see more of my flaws and weaknesses than my strengths. Since primary school, i was always striving to top the class/ standard - which by God's grace i did well for most of the time. But i was severely humbled in JC when i couldn't do it any longer. Nevertheless, God did a miracle for me in my A levels and brought me to where I am today, for which I’m grateful. Since then, my philosophy has changed from 'Being the Best' to 'Doing my Best'. But it seems that this cannot hold for a ‘scholar’. I guess I’m still grappling with the position God has put me – perhaps like Moses I’m trying to run away from it. Honestly, I really don’t know how I’ll do this on my own, but just trusting God to help me and fulfil His purposes for me here.

End of Tactical Trg

Today was the last week of my tactical training. We said our thank yous and farewells to the trainers whom i feared at the beginning but grew fond of towards the end of it... despite all the scoldings and push-ups which they give us. Looking back, it was a tough but enjoyable experience. It pushed me to my limits, and i learnt more about my strengths & weaknesses, as well as those of my fellow squadmates. It's 'suffering' together like this that breaks or bonds us, i believe it did the latter for us. Couldn't have done it without God's strength and protection. I endured an injury free training, other than the common bruises and aches, nth too serious.
Can view some of my pics here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/17466796@N00/
Going for Outward Bound School at Pulau Ubin for 7 days next week - we were cautioned that it's gonna be tough as well. Don't really know what to expect, but we're trained to expect the unexpected so nth very unusual. heh. Should be exciting.
I'll miss training days when they are over. Till then, i'll relish and enjoy it while i can =)

Running for Jesus...

The past week has been one of the toughest in training thus far - both physically and mentally. Was pushed to the point i thought my arms and my legs couldn't hold up anymore... Sang christian songs in my head while running to take my mind of the tiredness and pain in my body. Was tempted to give up and fall out many times. But at the end of it all, am glad i didn't :)
Every time i run, i am reminded of the following verses:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:24

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:7-8

Life is like a marathon - some start of well, but as time goes on, they get tired and give up. Perseverance and pacing is key to finishing well. Except that in the race of life we don't know where the finishing line is. But we know the prize in store for us - smth that we can hope for and give us strength to run this race well :)
As a fellow runner and soldier for Christ would say, ONWARD!

He Knows Better Than Us

I found out that an old classmate of mine has been diagnosed with cancer. I just saw her about a month back. Was rather shocked by the news, but she seemed quite positive about it and is trusting God's goodness in the midst of it. It hit me that life is so fragile and i wonder to myself what would i do if the same thing happens to me? While we are still healthy, life goes on each day as usual... till something happens, that is. There is only hope and purpose in the Lord. In health or in sickness. In life and in death.

Watched "Joseph King of Dreams" at church youth service tonight. Was once again touched by the song which spoke to me a few years back while i was in UK. Speaks on God's purposes and plan in our lives, as broken as it may seem and though we may not understand His ways at times... He turns what is meant for evil for good and He makes everything beautiful in His time...
Be encouraged friends :)



You Know Better Than I

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I choose the surest road
But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better then I
You know the way
I've let go, the need to know why
For You know better then I

If this has been a test
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in You

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If I let You reach me
Will You teach me

You know better then I
You know the way
I've let go, the need to know why
I take what answer, You supply
For You know better then I

Counting down: 8 weeks to POP...

Survived another 2 weeks of tactical training, was pretty challenging and fun, especially with the mock cell fights, which left me a fair share of bruises. I'm beginning to understand the reality of the dangers of this job - not as simple as i first thought. I wonder how I would react when such situations do arise, i would have to make quick decisions, which would affect people's safety & lives... can i do it?

I'll be back at the Home Team Academy this week before our final 2 weeks of tactical training. Having our progress test on 30 Sept (Tues) which consists of 20% of our overall 'grade' (yes, we're assessed...) And i thought that there would be no more exams after uni.. heh. Need prayers if you can afford it. thanks :)

Went to CEFC today. Was inspired by a true story shared by the pastor. Watch it here.
The pastor also shared a parable which i've heard sometime ago, but it was a timely reminder for me. May it encourage you as it did for me.

A water bearer had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said. The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house." Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to grace His Father's table. In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste. So as we seek ways to minister together, and as God calls you to the tasks He has appointed for you, don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and allow Him to take advantage of them, and you, too, can be the cause of beauty in His pathway. Go out boldly, knowing that in our weakness we find His strength, and that "In Him every one of God's promises is a Yes."

Faith in the Midst of Chaos

The news lately have been scary.

Wall street crash.
Political instability and protests in Thailand and Malaysia.
Floods and christian persecutions in India.
Earthquake and poisonings in China.
Bombings in Pakistan.
Cold-blooded murder in Singapore.

What is this world coming to?
I ask myself,
In helplessness and dismay -
I can but whisper a prayer for them.
My personal struggles and problems seem so insignificant in light of these events,
Ashamed at my self-centeredness
And amazed that You still care.
People go on with their busy lives,
Not knowing it's the signs of the end times.
Though we may not understand everything,
I know You are still God.
In the midst of this chaos,
Help us be still
and continue trusting in You.

I was randomly listening to some songs recently and fell in love with this song. Enjoy :)

updates

I passed my driving test (my 2nd attempt) today! Wohoo... It had been 3 months since my last (failed) test and i only took 2 lessons before my 2nd test, felt pretty unprepared and nervous, but thank God i got a more lenient tester (in my opinion) as compared to last time. 1 more hazard on the road! heh. yes guys, i'll inform you when i'm driving so you know when not to drive. well, dont think i'll be doing any driving soon though... no car and don't intend to get one in the near future cos don't see a need for it. It's more of a skill which i believe will come in handy someday sometime... though an expensive one to acquire.

Next 2 weeks will be staying out of camp cos going for another round of tactical trg - this time learning Control & Restraint techniques - prepared for more bruises, aches and pains to come. Will be fun. Time really flies... 15 weeks of training has gone by very quickly. Another 10 more weeks before i pass out (for those who dont know, i dont mean faint, it means graduate from my training) Having mixed feelings about it, on one hand looking forward to finally starting real work in prison, yet on the other hand, i feel very inadequate and unprepared to face the world of prison. But i know that i'll never feel ready and that i will learn most on the job... If God has called me here, then He will be faithful to bring me through it!

It's not easy being a leader - often it's lonely leading, your decisions and authority are sometimes questioned. Smth which i'm learning the hard way. But i am reminded that many people chosen by God to lead were far from leaders when they were called... Looks like there's hope afterall. heh.

thoughts

Won't you calm this storm within me
Help me to be still
To think about what is good, lovely, admirable
To think about who really matters
To pray for the lost, the needy, the hurting
Why am i entangled in my own raging thoughts?

Time and time again
I ask why
Sometimes we don't get all the answers we want
I don't understand some things
But You give us the grace we need
To continue to trust You

Help us see beyond what our human eyes can see
To see the world beyond
To see Your greatness and Your love
That we may live this life
To glorify You

Please Take a Momemt to Pray...

Imagine how you would feel if a mob broke into your home, raped your wife and daughters, tried to kill you and then burned your house down—all because you are a Christian. That's exactly what is happening to our brothers and sisters in Orissa, India, right now. Read the latest update on the continuing volatile situation here.

Dear friend, I have seen a lot of violence against Christians in my more than 30 years of sharing the Gospel with the people of Asia. I have even been on the receiving end of some of those attacks. But the events in Orissa are by far the most orchestrated and horrifying atrocities I have ever witnessed. Please join me in praying for these persecuted brothers and sisters in their time of great suffering.

Yours for the unreached,

K.P. Yohannan
Founder & President

Yellow Ribbon

I was selling flags for Yellow Ribbon yesterday.
It's been sometime since I last sold flags, and things haven't changed much.
Weird stares, looks of horror, siaming techniques, etc.
Of course there were those who gave - some grudgingly, some generously and sincerely. I think the least people could do is to acknowledge the person's presence and to give a polite 'no'.
Singaporeans are too busy rushing from place to place, self-absorbed in themselves or whoever they are with, adverse to meeting strangers.... I must confess that sometimes I'm like that too, but we must fight against that... To be able to stop, step out of our own problems & lives, and to see and meet the needs of those around us.

Anyway, i'm here to tell you more about the Yellow Ribbon Project, if you haven't already heard about it. It first started in America in the 1970s, but was brought to Singapore only in 2004. It's based on a true story of a man who was imprisoned, and his fears of being released and going back home to his wife and child - whether they will accept him back. He wrote a letter to her to tell her to tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree along the way back his house, which indicated that she had forgiven him and was willing to accept him back. Thankfully, this story has a happy ending. But not many people are as fortunate.



It's easy to label/ stereotype/ stigmatise offenders & ex-offenders, and to elevate ourselves to a higher level than them, but we often fail to realise that we are all sinners saved by grace. Yes, they have made a mistake or many mistakes, but like all of us, they may not deserve but they definitely need a second/ third/ forth... chance. They need the acceptance of their family, friends and society for them to get back on their feet.
Would you help to unlock the second prison?

Mission Before Mate

Dear friends, Thanks for all your encouragement & prayers. Made it through another tough week at tactical training, hopefully i'm a stronger & tougher person after this :)

Came across this article recently. Hope it sheds some light for all out there who are still waiting for that special someone, as well as those who have already found that special someone:

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Those of us of a certain vintage will remember that in our college years, we were told that in the matter of choosing a life partner, we must follow this rule: mission before mate.

In other words we had to be first clear as to what God wanted us to do with our lives. Then we had some handle in choosing a life partner because the right life partner would be one who would be committed to a similar vocation and thereby able to assist us in pursuing that mission.

In those days, if you were a guy you assumed that the lady would be taking care of the house and raising the kids, to free you to do your thing. And then you discovered that not all the ladies interpreted the life partner rule quite in the same way.

In any case, mission before mate was a tough rule to follow because few of us at 19 knew what our life mission was. (Unless you were in the Navigators in which case you knew your mission was to make disciples. And you also had help because the senior Navs were probably trying to pair you off with potential life partners of the same spiritual calibre.)

But the rest of us had no clue as to what God wanted us to do with our lives. Meanwhile our hormones were raging. And then there were those hunks/babes?

Well, with the hindsight of age fifty, more marital adventures than I had ever counted on, and a fresh reading of Genesis 1 and 2, I have to say, what do you know, those speakers at our College fellowships were right. It is mission before mate.

In the Genesis Chapter 2 account of the creation of man for example, we see that three things define Adam's life:

1. Vocation --- He is to work the garden and care for it. (V.15)

2. Provision --- God generously provides for all Adam's needs. He can eat from all the trees of the garden except one. (V.16)

3. Prohibition --- God gives Adam a clear warning. There is one tree from which Adam must not eat. (V.17)

It is in this context of Vocation, Provision and Prohibition that God announces that it is not good for man to be alone. (V.18)

You may ask why does God wait until this point to point out that Adam needs a Eve. Why didn't He just make them man and woman from the word go. I like Bruce Waltke's explanation. He believes that Adam must discover for himself his incompleteness:

"Adam must realize that it is not good to be alone. Rather than squandering his most precious gift on one who is unappreciative, God waits until Adam is prepared to appreciate the gift of the woman." (GENESIS, 89)

However it is also clear that the woman is to be an equal partner that enters into the man's experience of vocation, provision, and prohibition. Together, the man-woman partnership is to carry out God's task of caring for creation, enjoying God's generosity, and resisting sin.

"? the 'helper' is an indispensable 'partner' (REB) required to achieve the divine commission." (Kenneth A. Matthews, GENESIS 1 - 11:26, 214)

I have heard many sermons on marriage from Genesis Chapters 1 and 2. Most focus on the companionship dimension of marriage, on the 'wow" of Chapter 2 v.23. I believe that the book of The Song of Songs shows that God endorses romantic and sexual love.

But still, the "wow" has a context, the context of vocation, provision, and prohibition.

Therefore when one is considering a potential life partner, it would make sense to ask:

1. Is this person committed to God and His purposes? Can I forge a partnership with him/her to do God's work, however that is defined for us?

2. Does this person understand the faithful provision of God? Can we go through life in faith and trust, pointing out to each other the generous care of God? Can we go through life with hearts of gratitude?

3. Is this person committed to a life of holiness? Can we be used by God to help one another resist the assaults of Satan, the world and the flesh?

Of course the prior thing to do is to check if we ourselves are people like that. Am I committed to God and His purposes? Am I aware of God's faithful care and have a grateful heart? Am I actively resisting sin in my life?

You may say, boy it is tough enough to find a potential life partner. If you throw in all these qualifications, I'll never find a warm body to share my life!

What to do? This is God's Word. Do you trust Him enough to supply a life partner if it is His will?
Besides what are the alternatives? The many unhappy marriages you see around you? The ever-increasing number of broken marriages? I often wonder how many of those marriages could have been saved if there had been greater sensitivity to the issues of vocation, provision and prohibition.

Some of us are married already and like many, entered into marriage with little spiritual education. Nobody told us the biblical teaching on marriage. What should we do now?

Start building the marriage according to God's purposes! Start structuring your marriage around vocation, provision, and prohibition. You may discover a real revival in your marriage and even a return of the "wow"!

What about those who are single? We must believe that God loves us more than we love ourselves and that if it is in His will for us to be married He will bring the right person at the right time.

In the meantime, we can continue to build our lives around the themes of vocation, provision, and prohibition. We do need significant others in our lives. We seek out good friends, soul mates, brothers and sisters who are also committed to walking the path of vocation, gratitude, and holiness.

We live in a fallen world. Even marriages entered into with the best of intentions, may fall apart. When such tragedies happen we need to come alongside people to help them rebuild their lives.

But we should also seek out ways to help people experience marriage as it was meant to be. And I do believe the manufacturer's instructions talks about marriage as a partnership for doing God's work, enjoying God's blessings, and obeying God's Word. So yes, boys and girls, it is mission before mate.

1st week at Tactical Training

Just finished 1 week of tactical training. Was quite an experience indeed.
We were trained by officers from SPEAR (Singapore Prisons Emergency Action Response) which is equivalent to the Commandos in Army and the STAR force in Police.
The first day was a culture shock for me - it was more 'BMT' style and we had to "push the ground" (i.e. do push ups) for any mistake which we made. I thought that i was quite fit till last week. It came to the point that i was so tired that i couldn't carry on and i broke down... i thought i was stronger than that but i surprised myself. It was rather embarrassing and humbling... i think i tried to push myself too hard and i couldn't accept the fact that i couldn't do it. It's been sometime since i pushed myself so hard physically and mentally.
We learnt breakfall techniques (i.e. learning how to break a fall when pushed from the back/ front/ side) and various defence techniques. My body was bruised and aching so bad i couldn't get up the morning after the 1st day, and i had to pop painkillers for the rest of the week.
Had an assessment at the end of the week and thank God i passed it!
Another 1 more week at SPEAR learning baton techniques, before i'm back at the Home Team Academy. One good thing is that I get to stay out of camp these 2 weeks...

1 Year On...

It's exactly a year since I got back for good from my studies in England. Feeling nostalgic. I still remember the day I landed in Singapore, i just managed to catch a glimpse of the National Day fireworks from the plane - i was flying alone and no one was picking me up from the airport - i took it as God's way of welcoming me back home :)
A year has passed... Many many things have happened and changed since then. The friends I once shared my life with are now all over the globe doing different things - newly married, pharmacists, lawyers, doctors, etc. I'm one who likes to reminiscise about the past - but i know that doing too much of that is unhealthy cos it makes me live in the past. There is a time for everything. God puts different people in different phases of our lives to go through it with us - some may stay longer, some perhaps just for that moment or period of life. But each one is precious and treasured. I look forward to the day i'll be reunited again with them.

Some thoughts on our Nation's 43rd year of Independance...
"Ultimately a great nation is a compassionate nation. No individual or nation can be great if it does not have a concern for the "least of these". Deeply etched in the fibre of our religious tradition is the conviction that men are made in the image of God and that they are souls of infinite value, the heirs of a legacy of dignity and worth. If we feel this as a profound moral fact, we cannot be content to see men hungry, to see men victimized with starvation and ill health when we have the means to help them. The wealthy nations must go all out to bridge the gulf beween the rich minority and the poor majority." - Martin Luther King Jr, at his Nobel Lecture

I attended the yearly national day prayer gathering at Expo together with a few thousand other christians. It's been a number of years since the last one i attended. This year's focus was on Migrant Workers in Singapore. There were representatives from the major migrant groups in Singapore - Chinese, Indian, Bangladesh, Indonesian, Filipino, Myanmarese, Thai, Sri Lankan. We asked for forgiveness from them - for our attitude of superiority, for discriminating them, for not caring for them as we should, even ill-treating them... It was a solemn and humbling moment - kneeling on our feet and repenting. It's been a while since i've been touched to the point of tears.
There are about 1 million foreigners in Singapore - that's about 1 in every 4 Singaporeans. Living abroad for 3 years, I kinda understand what it feels like to be a foreigner in a foreign land, and it's not easy. My dear friends, let's be good hosts to our friends, and to welcome and embrace them here.

Happy National Day to all my Singaporean friends out there - wherever you may be and whatever you may be doing.
Remember: Home is where the heart is :)

Book-out Day

I've never looked forward to Friday so much - it's what the NS guys call BOOK-OUT DAY. To be able to come out again to the 'real world', and see 'civilian' heartlanders. I was quite taken aback when I came out this weekend to find burning joysticks all around - to the realization that the hungry ghost festival is near. My heart sinks every time i walk past people burning 'hell money'...

We've started our Legislation lectures - i.e. learning about criminal law. e.g. the right of self-defence, powers/restrictions of a prison officer, punishments for various crimes, etc. Some of it is very interesting, whilst other parts are quite dry & boring (you can try reading the government statues and you'll know what i mean!)
The more I study about the law, the more i realize that all of us (including myself) are guilty of breaking the law in more ways than one - whether we realize it or not. Technically, doesn't make all of us criminals? The law teaches us what is right & wrong, but it doesn't ensure/ help us to do what is right.
This parallels the christian faith - All men have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God. The letter of the law (i.e. the 'ten commandments') only serves to show us that we cannot live up to all the requirements of the law.
The Law Condemns, but Faith Through Grace Saves.

Paul sums it up very well in his letter to the church of Galatia:

"Why, then, was the law given? It was given alongside the promise to show people their sins. But the law was designed to last only until the coming of the child who was promised. God gave his law through angels to Moses, who was the mediator between God and the people. Now a mediator is helpful if more than one party must reach an agreement. But God, who is one, did not use a mediator when he gave his promise to Abraham.
Is there a conflict, then, between God’s law and God’s promises? Absolutely not! If the law could give us new life, we could be made right with God by obeying it. But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God’s promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ.
Before the way of faith in Christ was available to us, we were placed under guard by the law. We were kept in protective custody, so to speak, until the way of faith was revealed.
Let me put it another way. The law was our guardian until Christ came; it protected us until we could be made right with God through faith. And now that the way of faith has come, we no longer need the law as our guardian."
Galatians 8:19-24

First Week as I/C

Dear friends,

Hello! I'm back again for the weekend. It's been quite a week...
Challenging, but enjoyable at times and learning lots.
First time managing and leading a group of NS guys from Police, SCDF, ICA & Prisons. A bunch of rugrats they are! It took me a few days to remember all their names as well as to tell them apart (seriously, they all look alike with their haircut and all. heh)
Me looking young and timid, the guys tried to 'test' me. But when they started to get too rowdy, i decided it was time to be firm and stern with them. I don't normally show my anger, but when i do, you know i mean business... I almost lost my voice shouting... but decided on the 'silent treatment' instead =P

Had back-to-back lectures on various issues on the Home Team (e.g. terrorism, internal defence, etc.), as well as National Education. Was rather interesting and insightful. We also had some team building activities and had to prepare for a 'social nite' event this coming Tuesday.
Coupled with that i had to write daily reports, so managed just slightly more than 5 hours of sleep each night this week. Really thank God for His strength and grace, couldn't have made it through without Him. Thanks for praying.

The past few weeks i've been hearing sermons on missions and God has reminded me of the passion He has placed in my heart. I believe He is calling me - It's just a matter of WHEN and WHERE...
Still have a long way to go... One step a time.

May the Lord's glory fill the earth as waters cover the sea...

Praise & Prayer Requests

I've been feeling rather out-of-touch with church of late - i've not been putting my heart and soul into the youth ministry, my passion of missions also seems to be fading... Not sure if training is consuming me, or i'm just drifitng away... It's been hard to praise and worship God of late, to be honest. The thorn in my flesh has been weighing heavily on me. A recent conversation with a friend confirmed me to have a melancholic and phlegmatic personality. I wonder: Is there room for such a personality in a christian?

Being compared to previous scholars has gotten to me of late - having to live up to the expectations of people who have walked the path that i'm on. It's smth that i struggled with in school, and it's smth God is still dealing with even right now... refining and moulding me. I've been told that to be a leader, i can't show my weaknesses to others, whatever i do, i have to try to hide it. Part of me resists that idea - perhaps cos i'm not so good at that. I think quite different from what people's impression/ stereotype of a scholar.

On a brighter note, i've achieved my GOLD for IPPT on my second try. I was rather disappointed when i only got a SILVER the first time round, cos I thought a mere C for my standing broad jump was sufficient, only to find out later that I need at least a B to get a GOLD overall. I also clocked my personal best time for my 2.4km run which was rather surprising, cos i never thought i could break the 12 minute barrier. I guess nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it, and with the Lord's help of course.

I've been appointed to be the I/C for the next 2 weeks. Will be meeting (for the first time) and leading about 30 officers from the various Home Teams (i.e. Police, ICA, CNB, SCDF, ISD) Feeling rather apprehensive about it, but i will take it on one day at a time praying for the Lord's help and wisdom.

p/s. Thank you all for your birthday messages. I honestly didn't expect them. Thanks for remembering and caring =)

On 6th July 2008

I turn 23 today and one of my closest friends is getting married on this special day =)
I'm going to have 3 celebrations this weekend - 1 with my grandma, mom, uncle, bro & sis, 1 with my dad, bro & sis, and 1 with my squadmates. I would love to spend it with some others, but time doesn't permit.

I'm quite sad that I can't be there on her wedding day... i've seen how they've gone through thick and thin to come together... their love story has amazed and touched me. Oh how i wish i had the wings of an eagle to fly over to England. i miss her so.

Been experiencing and learning new things at training. Conducted a footdrill lesson for the junior prison officers - i got feedback that my commands are much better than when i first started, but i'm too 'friendly' (as a footdrill instructor). I shouldn't smile so much and scold more. heh. Another time, we were also caught off guard to give an impromptu speech in front of the squad - which was rather nerve-wrecking for me cos public speaking is one of my greatest fears. We also had our first scenario-based training where we were given a 'mission' and had to execute it within a stipulated time. It was both exhilirating and nerve-wrecking....

I've also been facing situations where i have to make a stand and be 'different' cos of my faith. At times it's easier to go with the 'flow' and not be a sore thumb, but i know that i'm called to be the light and salt in the world. Experiencing the reality of what it means to be in the world but not of the world....

Another week ahead, new challenges to be faced, new lessons to be learnt....
His Grace Is Sufficient Each Day...

Wedding Weekend

Spent pretty much of this weekend attending the wedding of a couple who are two of my good friends.
I've known them for the last 12 years and their love story has touched my life. How brought them together, apart and then back together again.
Sometimes I wonder what it is that binds 2 totally different people together - it blows my mind. I guess it's smth i have to find out for myself... All in good time.
Every time i attend a wedding, i can't help but smile and be amazed at how God brough the couple together. Nevertheless, it is said that it takes a moment to say i love you and a lifetime to prove it. There is much truth in that.
I admire couples who stay happily married for lifetime, as well as single men & women who stay happily single forever.
I know God has His purposes for me - whichever way the tide or wind takes me. To learn to be contented and happy in singleness or togetherness.
To learn that He is all i need.

3 weeks down, 22 weeks to go...

I'm getting pretty used to the routine in training school. Time flies by when youre kept occupied 18 hours a day, and the weekend is here before i know it, and gone in a flash as well.
My instructer commented that my uniform ironing and boots polishing has improved - thanks to those for your kind advice =) Though i still feel i'm lacking behind the rest...
We are forced to lead here in training school, and more so for me. I've been struggling with being assertive and confident when giving instructions to my squad - i've been criticized many times for my soft-spokenness, etc. etc. etc. It gets me quite frustrated and disappointed, cos i can't seem to match up to what people expect of a leader. I feel that people don't think i'm up to it. Personally I don't think I'm a born-leader. Can I be made one? I believe it takes a miracle (God's grace) for that to happen.
Loneliness has creeped in unto me. I must admit i'm quite a loner and introvert, but at times i do wish for someone to confide in which i'm sorely lacking, other than God and my diary - which keeps me going. Family feels pretty non-existent at times. When i try hard to bring my family together, it seems that no one really appreciates it and it seems better if we all live our own ways.
Don't mind my ramblings, perhaps i'm just tired and disillusioned about things. Just need a listening ear. I'll get by...
Thanks for your encouragements and those who drop me ocassional msges in the week. I apologize if i'm late at replying or don't reply, cos i'm really caught up with things to do at camp...
Need the joy of the Lord to be my strength.

Weekend

Back from camp.
Was almost pushed to the max during PT this week. Did 400metre sprints which isn't exactly the funnest thing to do... I've also never done so many sit-ups, push-ups, squats and vertical jumps at one go in my entire life till now... Body aching everywhere, it hurts to lift my hand to bath at times. Taking my first IPPT this Wed.
While we were marching back to our bunks after PT, the guys in my squad started singing army songs, it felt really strange. When i was in sec sch i imagined myself in the army, but i never thought it'd become a reality. well, it's not exactly army, can't say it's even close to those who are outfield most of the time, but it's a small taste of in some way i guess. Spending the nights polishing boots, ironing uniform and cleaning our bunks...
This weekend has been rather packed, had my first practical driving test - which i failed due to a stupid mistake i made =/ i was quite confident i'll pass actually, but the seemingly small things added up, a lesson to learn for me. I won't give up yet!
Also, invited my dad to my church's Father's Day dinner, which went rather awkward - not sure if it was a wise thing to do... First time i'm celebrating Father's Day in maybe 15 years. I guess it's never too late to start again.
Now that I don't have much time in the weekends, i have to be really selective about who i meet up with. Can't spend as much time catching up with family and friends. It's times like this i miss the good old nottingham days. Well, there's a time for everything under the sun. I shall enjoy this while i'm at it =)
Week 3 - Here i come!

Batam Trip & 1st week of Training

The last 1 week has been rather eventful.
Batam mission trip last weekend was great – turned out to be more relaxed than I expected it to be. We spent an afternoon visiting a city slum, visiting some homes, distributing food & basic necessities and praying for them. It is the 2nd time I’ve visited a slum (the 1st was in China but we just prayer walked around and didn’t interact with the people). This time we got ‘up close’ to the people, by coming into their houses and talking to them. It humbled and saddened me to see their poor living conditions, but I was pleasantly surprised to see a small church in the middle of the slum – the fruits of labour of the local church there. We spent the second day at a kelong off a small island about a 30-minute bum boat ride from the mainland. It’s a really serene and beautiful place – it feels like you’ve been transported to another world there… Really blessed to have such a nice place to stay in. We visited 2 smaller islands near the kelong, where we distributed food to the villages and conducted some programmes for the children there. We didn’t spend much time there though, cos we had to get back to the kelong before it got dark. We spent a night in darkness & without water, cos the electricity & water supply got cut off! Well what’s a mission trip without some hardship? Heh. At night, we sat below the star-strewn sky, played guitar, chated and some of us tried some fishing (without much success....)! We also watched the sunrise, was a breathtaking moment admiring God’s wonderful creation. Before we knew it, we were back in Singapore.
You can view some of my batam pics here (you can see my new hairstyle too ;))
Immediately on reaching home, I was busy packing for my first week of my training.
Was feeling rather nervous and apprehensive, not knowing what to expect. First few days was mainly briefings by the trainers, settling administrative stuff, cleaning our bunks, etc. Had our first bunk inspection, which wasn’t ‘up to standard’ (which means more scrubbing and cleaning…..). Also need to buck up on my uniform ironing and boot polishing (anyone got any tips?) We had some footdrill lessons, I’m finding it quite hard to remember all the malay commands, and to give it under pressure. Learning how to turn in time, walk in step, stand straight with my hands at my side without moving, etc. So far the trainers have been quite understanding cos it’s our first week but I’m not expecting that to stay the same… Getting used to say ‘yes sir’ and ‘no sir’ like clockwork.
Physical training (PT) this week hasn’t been too difficult (i.e. I still can walk… heh). But it will step up as well. I’m aiming for a gold for my IPPT so I need to train hard.
I’ve been appointed the chairman of my squad committee, who is responsible for leading and managing the squad – on one hand it came as a surprise, but I know that I’ve already been ‘marked’ for such a position considering my background. I’m the youngest in my squad, and I feel very much inadequate for the role. But will try my best with the Lord’s wisdom and grace. I’ve already received some negative feedback which got me kinda down, but I know I must learn to take such criticisms positively and to work on my weaknesses if I’m gonna improve.
Spending time with the Lord has been quite a struggle cos of the long training hours, and when I do get time I’m so exhausted I fall asleep once I get onto my bed. I’m also the only christian in my squad. Really need His strength and grace to be a good testimoney and witness for Him there...
It’s my first weekend out, and I realize how precious weekends are now… Still getting used to staying in camp during the weekdays. It feels like I’m in a totally different world, and when I come out it feels kinda strange. Feels like I’ve lost touch of the ‘real world’ for a while.
Well, it’s not as bad as it sounds, it is enjoyable in its own way, and I believe it’s a time of testing & growth for me, to challenge myself and to learn to depend on the Lord. I pray I will come out stronger, not only physically, but mentally and spiritually =)
24 more weeks…!
Ok gtg, time to book in.

life of a young adult

I look younger than most people my age, and often mistaken for a jc student. Lately with my new haircut the comments has been even more prevalent. I know they don't mean it in a bad way, but at times i get the feeling that ple don't take me seriously or treat me like a kid.
On the other hand, at times i feel 'old' amongst the youth in church, and finding it hard to fit in and connect to them.
Torn between two worlds.
God reminded me of His word in 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." and 1 Samuel 16:7 "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart"

I'm off to Batam for the weekend, then will be confined in camp (except weekends) for the next 6 months at my Basic Officers Course (BOC). Entering yet another phase of life. Here i go. Whee.

New Look...

I finally did it. I cut my hair short like when i was in secondary school days. The china doll, bob hairstyle. Just that now it's RE-BONDED so i don't look like a mushroom-head but it's more flat than anything. heh.
Thought I'd try smth new for a change - was quite hesitant about it at first, cos naturally i have not much reason to change. And i'm not one who bothers about my appearance very much if you know me. Well, this is one thing no harm trying. Or so i hope. heh. Don't get too shocked when you see me.

Seems like my wish to go on a holiday before i begin my training can't work out... But I'll be going on a short mission trip to Batam with church instead from 30may to 1 june. Was kinda hesitating but decided to go in the end for various reasons. Pray it's a wise decision. I'll be back the day before my in-camp training starts. Hope the same thing as before doesn't happen again. Seems like all the trips i go on are so close to my training date.

Lately God's been teaching me about letting go and moving on. Nth new. But just a reminder that it's a process and a journey, not a one-off thing. At times i give in to my emotions and i look back and the memories start flooding in. Forgetting is a lie. One cannot forget. Only will oneself not to dwell on and live in the past. I shed a tear or two, finding comfort knowing the Lord understands. He gently nudges me, and with some reluctance, I turn around and walk on. Though I can't see the end of this road, but I know that with each step He's holding my hand. And someday. I'll find my way once again.

You Know Better Than I


I thought I did what’s right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I’ve let go the need to know why
For you know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don’t know
Is part of getting through

I try to do what’s best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in you

For You know better than I
You know the way
I’ve let go the need to know why
For you know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was you who taught that bird to fly
If I let you reach me will you teach me

For You know better than I
You know the way
I’ve let go the need to know why
I’ll take what answers you supply
You know better than I

Global Day of Prayer

I attended my first Global Day of Prayer last Sunday night at the S'pore Indoor Stadium. This is the 3rd GDOP in S'pore since GDOP birthed in South Africa in 2002. Now, 6 years on, over 200 nations and millions of people around the globe gather for prayer on Pentacost Sunday every year.
This was the first time the chinese churches in S'pore had their own GDOP, and I went to join them to meet up with a good friend who was coming down from JB (whom I only saw for 10mins eventually... =/) I half understood what was going on, nevertheless it was an interesting experience to be amongst mostly chinese-speaking aunties (not a bad thing, i find myself talking to more of such aunties now than a few years ago despite my cannot-make-it mandarin and non-existent dialect). It was inspiring to see them worship the Lord with sincerity and enthusiasm, and would put many other christians to shame. Praise the Lord for the mandarin-speaking christians in Singapore! May the Lord continue to bless and multiply them!
I normally don't like being amongst crowds or attending mass events like this, but the only exception is when believers from different nationalities, races, languages, backgrounds come together to worship the Lord in spirit and truth! It gives me a small glimpse into the beauty and joy of heaven.
I recently made a video to raise awareness of missions amongst the youth in church. I couldn't incorporate the music cos it was protected content, heh.


I was rather appalled and saddened when i spoke to a few of them and they said that they didn't know about the recent happenings in Myanmar cos they don't read the papers or watch news. My first reaction was to get all self-righteous and judgemental, but then the Holy Spirit convicted me and i realized that i too, am guilty of this sin of apathy in many other areas and at many other times in my life.
For those who don't yet know: An earthquake recently occurred in China. 5000 dead, as of today. Please pray and see how you can support in practical ways if you can.

"You will be hearing of wars and rumours of wars. See that you are not frightened, for those things must take place, but that is not yet the end. For nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom and in various places there will be famines and earthquakes. But all these things are merely the beginning of birth pangs." Matthew 24: 6-8

Truly, we are living in the END DAYS...

May God help us,
To open our eyes to see people through His eyes
And have compassion & mercy
To reach out
Desiring all to come to the saving knowledge & grace of Jesus Christ

Back from Mongolia

After 10 hours of flight, we landed in the barren & dusty land of Ulaan Bataar, the capital city of Mongolia. We discovered some of our luggages were missing, mine of one of them. We managed to retrieve them a day later, only to discover that the authorities had confiscated the medicine that were for the clinics, and said that they would only release them if we paid a certain sum of money. We decided not to accept the offer, and let it go. Nevertheless, thank God that some of the medicine got through and we didn’t have to purchase much additional medicine for the clinics.

Our sendoff party

Our host couple (Mongolian Campus Crusade staff) put us up in their relative’s apartment in the city. Although it was only a 1-room apt, it was rather comfortable, other than the fact that 10 of us had to share 1 bathroom/ toilet! Heh.

Tired but thankful after arriving in our apt

We had a day of rest and recreation, and our host brought us to a Nature Park about a 2-hour drive away from the city, where we crossed mountains, valleys & rivers. We had a traditional Mongolian meal (boiled lamb, potatoes & carrots) in a ‘ger’ (mobile hut made of sheep skin), together with some Mongolian doctors and friends.

'Ger'
Traditional Mongolian Meal

We attended the local church service on Sunday – which was conducted entirely in Mongolian! The Mongolian language sounds and looks more like a European language (perhaps influenced by the Russian rulers for many years) and it was a major tongue-twister for us. Nevertheless, we still felt a sense of warmth & belonging there, just because we are all ONE in God’s big family =) We even managed to join in singing some of the songs cos they were translated from English songs we knew!




For 4 consecutive days, we conducted free clinics for whomever the church members invited – family, relatives, friends, neighbours, strangers. The 3 doctors on our team saw the patients, while the other 7 of us acted as pharmacists or helped out in other ways. It was quite fun learning how to read doctors’ handwriting and to dispense medicine they prescribed. Communicating with the Mongolian people was quite a challenge cos most of them can only speak very basic English (if any at all), hence we relied a lot on the Mongolian helpers to share the gospel with them directly. The enthusiasm of the Mongolian Christians and the eagerness of the people to hear the gospel really encouraged and inspired me. We felt rather frustrated & helpless cos we couldn’t talk to the patients, but we realized that we could play our part in other ways! Some of helped to take care of the kids while their parents saw the doctor, some of us served drinks to the patients, some of us played the guitar for entertainment, etc.

The Pharmacists

Doctor at work

There was 1 patient in particular whom God used to impact us. He was really smelly & dirty looking and was limping on one leg when he walked into the clinic. We found out that he was homeless and his right leg was frostbitten due to the cold in the harsh winter. He had already lost 3 toes and the rest of his feet was wasting away such that it had to be amputated. The sight and stench of the rotting flesh was quite unbearable for some. Nevertheless, the doctor washed his feet in soap, applied some cream and bandaged it for him. One of the other doctors held his filthy hands and as she started to pray for him, she broke down and wept uncontrollably. Overcome by God’s love, she embraced the man (not giving regard for how dirty he was or how other people would see her). The man and some others around started to weep too. I could feel the strong but gentle presence of God in that room at that moment. I was absolutely in awe and wonder.


Homeless men

All in all, about 410 patients came to the clinic, of which 130 prayed to receive Christ and 26 wanted to find out more. Praise the Lord! He is good indeed! We had a follow-up session for those who had accepted Christ, where we presented some songs, a skit and shared our testimonies. We spent the last evening with our Mongolian friends and said our final thanks and farewells.

Just when we thought we had come to the end of our stay in Mongolia, we were told that the plane could not fly due to strong winds. This continued on for 2 days. We were shuffled to and from the airport twice and put up in 2 different hotels. We were all very tired and didn’t know for sure how long we would be stuck in Mongolia, but we had peace in our hearts as we entrusted ourselves to the Lord. Thank God for a safe (albeit delayed) return to Singapore eventually!

All in all, it was an enjoyable and fruitful mission trip. Thanks for all your prayers for me and my team during this trip, it made a difference!
Do continue to pray that the fruits of our labour would last, and that the new believers would stand firm and grow in their faith. Pray also for the Christians in Mongolia, that they would be united and bold to proclaim the gospel in the land where Buddhism and nature worship pervades.

“In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:4-6

For more photos, check out
http://www.flickr.com/photos/17466796@N00/ OR
http://picasaweb.google.com/zjack22/200804Mongolia

A Season for Everything...

Today was the last day of my attachment at the Prison Headquarters... I've been here for slightly more than 6 months. A couple of months ago i was quite eager to start training, but just as I've formed friendships with the people, I'm about to leave. I didn't realize how much I've grown attached to the people till I was packing my stuff at work today. I'm not really the emotional sort of person who cries at farewells, but i almost did today as i was saying my farewells.
I'm really blessed with great colleagues and thankful for a good boss as well, even though at the start i was a bit intimidated by her. heh.

At the same time, been packing my stuff for Mongolia. Re-surfacing all my winter clothing... brings back fond memories of my time in England. The temperature in Mongolia now is sub zero, pray that we'll be able to adjust quickly and won't fall ill. I'm quite excited to fly again, and to a new place as well. Will keep you all posted when I'm back! =)

My colleagues:






My Mongolian mission trip team

Mission Trip to Mongolia - 12th to 19th April

Hi friends,I'll be going for a mission trip to Mongolia... Just to share with you all =)

Overview of Mongolia
About 3 million people live in Mongolia, of which 30% of the population is less than 14 years old. Mongolia covers an area of over 1.56 million sq km and is land of wide-open spaces with freezing winters and dry dusty summers. A nomadic population that thrives in the harsh terrain, their ancestors once ruled an Empire that stretched from Eastern Europe in the west to Korea in the east, led by the fearsome Genghis Khan and Kublai Khan.
Because of the nomadic lifestyle, closely intertwined with the natural environment, Mongols have developed deep traditions of reverence to The Heaven as their main protector. At dawn, women splash some freshly brewed tea with milk into the air as an offering to the Blue Sky and Mother Nature.
Mongolians have been Buddhists since the 13th century, when Genghis Khan was converted by Tibetan lamas. Buddhism is flavoured with traces of Shamanism, an even more ancient spirituality. Mongolia also has a significant Muslim community -- about 6% of the population. These are mostly ethnic Kazakhs living in the far west of the country.
Small groups of sharing Christians arrived in Mongolia in 1817, but by 1924, missionaries had still not planted churches and were no longer allowed in the country. Things changed in 1990 when Mongolia politically reopened to the global community. Today, congregations exist in all 18 provinces with over 30 churches in Ulaanbaatar (the capital city where 1/3 of the population live), and the Mongolians respond to Christianity in positive ways as they see how the love and forgiveness of Jesus can transform their lives, families and communities.

What will we be doing?
We will be spending a week in Ulaanbaatar to run clinics together with Mongolian doctors who are part of the local Campus Crusade Medical ministry. During our four days of clinics, we hope to reach out to unsaved Mongolians through various ways. We will be presenting songs and skits, and sharing our testimony in the mornings before the clinics start. After they are seen by the doctors together with translators, other Mongolian Christians will be sharing the gospel using the 4 spiritual laws and then praying with individuals. The Singapore team will also have more opportunities for personal interaction with the locals as they dispense medication at our makeshift pharmacy!

Why am I embarking on this trip?
I happened to hear about this trip from a friend rather late on 23rd March and found out that the team leader is actually also a good friend of mine and Campus Crusade staff whose wife used to give me bible studies when I was in JC. I was supposed to go on another mission trip before my training for prison officers starts on 21st April, but it was cancelled due to poor response. Hence when this door of opportunity opened, I was quite excited and interested. On that same evening, I called the team leader to find out more and asked him to give me some time to think and pray about my decision.
I spent 3 days and nights thinking through various considerations, examining my heart on why I wanted to go for this trip, as well as asking God whether He wanted me to go. I was actually planning to go on a holiday with my brother during the week which the mission trip is held and there were several things stopping me from going on the trip, but I felt a stronger inclination to go for the trip as I sought God about it. On the night I was supposed to give my answer, I was surprised to receive a newsletter from Campus Crusade (this was the first newsletter I have received after many months) and I saw it as a re-assurance and confirmation from God.
I decided to take that step of faith to GO, despite my nagging doubts and fears. Even though it was just 2 weeks before our departure date, praise God that there were still seats available on the plane! I feel God’s peace and have not turned back since I made my decision, and am looking forward to see how God is working in Mongolia and be involved in His work there!

How can you be involved?
One of the main things that hindered me from signing up for this trip was the high cost involved (~$2200). However, I believe that money shouldn’t be an issue if this is what God wants me to do, and am trusting God to raise the necessary monetary support to embark on this trip. If you would prayerfully consider how you could support me in this trip – whether in terms of money or prayer, I would really appreciate it. You can also email me at pphor@yahoo.com.sg to let me know how you wish to support me in this =) Above all, please PRAY for us! Nothing can be done without prayer! Thank you for sharing this journey with me and partnering in the gospel with our team.

Prayer requests:

For Mongolia:
• Pray that Mongolia will continue to be open to Christian ministries and the government will uphold justice and religious freedom
• Pray for the Mongolian Church - Wisdom and courage in living the Christian life on an everyday basis
• Pray for more workers and for their integration into the culture, adaptation to harsh living conditions and spiritual effectiveness. • Pray for effective Christian work - Economic problems have led to suffering, exploitation and social upheaval, with crime and alcoholism.• For the translation and production of Christian literature and the revision of the Bible.

For our mission team and trip:
• Pray for unity, love and good communication with the Mongolian CCC staff so that together, we may be effective witnesses for Christ.
• Pray that God will move ahead of us to prepare the hearts and minds of Mongolian patients who come to the clinic so they will be open to the gospel
• Pray that God will use the Singaporeans to be an encouragement and blessing to the local Christians.
• Pray for the Lord’s blessings and protection upon all that we do and everywhere we go.
• Pray for us to have expectant hearts, joyful spirits and humble attitudes, to be willing to serve others as Jesus did.
 

Shoes Too Big

I've decided to change the title of my blog. Was inspired by a book I read which my blog is now named after. It's about an autobiography of a man named Henry Khoo, who was the first chaplain in the Singapore Prisons and the founding Father of Prison Fellowship Singapore, the main non-profit christian organization which ministers to the prisoners in Singapore. He named it "Shoes too Big" cos that's how he felt when God called him to the prison. And i guess as i step into the prison i kind of feel the same way as him. But i've learnt that when God calls us to do something, He will be faithful to provide and bless, all we have to do is to TRUST and OBEY. It's not how good i am, but how great HE is.

I've finally got word that my training is going to start on 21 April, though i wouldn't take it for 100% till i see it in black and white. But I'm working towards that date just in case. Stepping up my running schedule and reading up to prepare myself. Call me kiasu. heh.

The Greatest Sacrifice

(Grace) Alone

I felt really alone at youth service in church today.
I realized that even though I tell people that i've settled down in church, i feel quite detached, no one i can share my joys and sorrows with. Perhaps i've been too used to the close fellowship in Nottingham. Perhaps i've been away for too long, and it takes longer to re-establish relationships. Perhaps i've grown too old to be able to relate to the youth.
I felt quite hurt and disappointed when time and time again when i try to do something on missions and evangelism in the youth service, i get sidelined. There are already too many other trainings and activities, no place to fit in evangelism training. Even some of the leaders said outrightly that they wouldn't want to come for such things. I feel very alone in this journey at times. Nevertheless, I thank God that He has brought a handful of people who have the same passion God put into my heart. I started out in this ministry with big dreams, visions and plans. But i know that i have to start small and take things one step at a time. Be humble. Remember I am only one part of the body of Christ. There are other ministries to consider. Still, i believe that evangelism and missions has taken a back seat for too long... It's time we step up and step out. Who will walk alongside me?
Many times I ask myself if i'm the right person for this responsibility, if i'm capable enough, if i'm in the right ministry. If I'm looking for 'results' or people's approval or praise, i will only be disappointed. But if this is what God has called me to do, i just have to be faithful to do what He has asked me to do. And whether i'm the only one in it doesn't really matter. As God's Word says: Whatever you do, do it as unto God and not unto man.
Pls help me dear Lord, i need more of Your grace each day.

Today a dear brother-of-Christ who's blessed me very much the past many years is going to be leaving to the States for his studies. He sang this song in church today and it really spoke to me, wanna share it with you all:

Grace Alone

Every promise we can make
Every prayer and step of faith
Every difference we can make
Is only by His grace.

Every mountain we will climb
Every ray of hope we shine
Every blessing left behind
Is only by His grace

Grace alone Which God supplies
Strength unknown He will provide
Christ in us, our cornerstone
We will go forth in grace alone

Every soul we long to reach
Every heart we hope to teach
Everywhere we share His peace
Is only by His grace.

Every loving word we say
Every tear we wipe away
Every sorrow turned to praise
Is only by His grace.

God's goodness and grace

Dear friends, I want to testify of God's wonderful work in the retreat I just came back from. From the start of my decision to go for this retreat, He has been orchestrating the events. My training was supposed to have started by now, and if it did, i wouldn't have been able to go for this. The fact that my sister agreed to go for this retreat was a miracle in itself, considering she has fallen away from God for almost 10 years... She has been going through a difficult period lately and she wanted to go on 'holiday' to get away. Initially, i was planning to go to Redang Island with her, but due to various reasons, that didn't work out. So i abandoned that plan and decided to invite her for the retreat instead. I asked her thinking that she would say 'no' but i thought that there was no harm asking anyway. To my pleasant surprise, she agreed. Still, she could have easily backed out later on (which she often does), but she didn't. It 'so happened' that my mom overheard my conversation with my sis, and asked if she could go too (i didn't think of asking her if she hadn't had asked me). At that time, the registration deadline for the retreat was long closed, and my friend said that it might not be possible for us to sign up due to limited spaces and the last minute notice. Nevertheless, I prayed and submitted this to God. Needless to say, God answered my prayers. Truly this was a divine appointment.
I went for this retreat praying for 4 things: 1) my sis to be reconciled to God 2) my mom and sis to reconcile (just as a brief history, my mom and sis never had a good relationship due to my parents' divorces when we were very young. And things got worse when my sis had an argument with my mom a few months ago and decided to move out) 3) a closure to a past relationship; and 4) a breakthrough in a personal struggle i've been battling with
How God answered all these requests, simply blew me off my feet. God broke through my sis defences and hurts and she once agin experienced God's love and forgiveness in her heart and life, and re-committed herself to Him. Truly, God never gives up on us no matter how far we run from Him. Like the saying goes, we can run but we can't hide. He is always looking tenderly for His lost sheep. I didn't know what the sermons would be about, and by the 2nd day, there was still no message on forgiveness or reconciliation. But i continued to pray that God would allow an opportunity. During the 2nd night, the pastor spoke on the topic of resolving conflicts, reconciliation and forgiveness. I thought that it would be a usual prayer at the end of the message, but God surpassed my expectations and the speaker did sth very very unusual. She asked everyone of us to find someone in the room to represent someone we need to forgive or seek forgiveness from. While others found 'representatives', my mom, sis and i came together, embraced and asked forgiveness from one another for all the hurts we caused one another, as well as to release forgiveness to one another. All these years, my mom has been blaming herself for my causing my sister's bitterness, for not showing us the love she wanted to, for my family's brokenness, etc. She asked my sister and i to forgive her. We did. Which is really amazing (if you know my sister, she can hold strong grudges for years...) This could only be possible with God. Only He can soften the hardest heart.
God also dealt with me personally in 2 things i was seeking Him for. He gave me an opportunity to grieve over a person i loved dearly, but He also gave me the peace and strength to let go and trust Him. God also gave me a fresh touch and encounter with Him during this retreat; I experienced His amazing presence and peace which transcends all understanding. There is so much more that happened that testifies to His goodness and power, but there's simply too much to share.
I've been away for 3 days but it seems like 3 weeks. Now i understand the verse that says 'better is one day in his courts than a thousand elsewhere' and 'a day in heaven is like a thousand on earth'. It's a glimpse of heaven on earth.
Being back at home and typing this, the reality of this life and world hits me. I know that this is a journey of faith, we may take pit stops along the way, we may have mountaintop experiences, but ultimately i am called to deny myself, take up my cross daily and follow him. I live to know Him and to make Him known. i am walking every day by faith and not by sight, choosing to believe and obey God no matter what. I must say that it is difficult and challenging, and to be honest at times, i am attempted to give up, but i then i remember the cross - how much Jesus gave up for me, how much He suffered and died for my sins to redeem me. How much He loves me despite how sinful and unworthy I am of His love and sacrifice. How much a faithful friend He is. How great and magnificent He is. He didn't say that this road would be free of pain or suffering, but that He would be with us and His grace would be sufficient for us.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:12-14

I pray you've been blessed by my testimony, and that you too, would see and experience God's goodness and grace in your life. To all who earnestly seek Him, He shall reveal Himself. Taste and see that the Lord is good!

With thankfulness and amazement,
Pam :)

quick update

Going for a "Women's Breakthrough Weekend" with Covenant Evangelical Free Church at Batam this weekend. My mom and sis are joining me too. Praying and seeking God for some things in this retreat.
Also thinking of going to Vietnam, Cambodia or Kota Kinabalu before my training starts in April. Anyone interested can email me at pphor@yahoo.com.sg

"Be Still, and Know that I am God"


Photo taken in Iceland

Thoughts @ Work

I just got news today that my training has (yet again) been postponed till mid-April/May. It seems that God wants to teach me patience and to learn to wait duirng this lull period. Sometimes I feel like I'm hanging in mid-air, neither here nor there. I'm soon going into my 6th month of my new work life. Time passes quite fast indeed. I've learnt many things in the process, some the not-so-easy way, but i'm still learning nevertheless.

I find it hard to explain to people what I do now - it's hard to think of a prison officer doing admin work, but yeah, that's what i'm doing - for now. People look at me with unbelief when i tell them i work in prison, but when i say i'm doing admin stuff, it seems that's even more strange. At times, I feel kinda slighted to be doing such 'menial' tasks and I should be doing more 'important' things, but I believe that God is teaching me to be humble, to be faithful in the little things, before He lets me do bigger things. If I can't even do little things right, how can I handle bigger things in the future? Who am i even to decide if i'm going to do little or big things? I can glorify God in data entry, and i can glorify God in making policies. Whatever I do, I do it as unto the Lord and not unto men. Lately, my mentor at work is entrusting me with more responsibilities, which i'm thankful for :)

I'm still trying to fit into the whole rank hierarchy, where some of my fellow colleagues have to call me ma'am just because i'm of a higher rank than them (due to educational qualifications) even though they are older, have worked longer than i have and are more knowledgable and experienced. Makes me feel quite underserving of such a rank/ position. It puts such a big virtual barrier between those of 'lower' rank and those of 'higher' ranks. Can sense it very strongly. Something which I try to break down, but with little results. Still, for some reasons, there is still some sort of line that has to be drawn. I'm still learning how to marry/ reconcile these two. Or is it just a different thing at a different time?

I realized that people often don't question the 'big bosses' in their decisions, and that often we just do as we are told. I'm not saying we shouldn't obey/ submit to authority, i believe that leaders are put there for a reason, but even leaders are not infallible and may not be correct all the time.

My relationship with my work colleagues and my 'outside' friends are quite different. There seems to be a clear line drawn between work life and life outside work. I guess more so for those who are married. There's only so much we can talk about. Once again the invisible barriers are there. Or perhaps i'm being too sensitive and haven't been around long enough. It's very different from the friendships I had in Nottingham, which i miss very much. Most of my peers are still in university so it feels quite lonely at times in the working world. But I'm learning to adapt and embrace changes in life... I can't expect things to stay the same way as I grow older. Still got a long way to go...

One thing that i've learnt while working in prison is that often we try to solve spiritual problems using human methods. We try to use cognitive-behaviour therapy, secular psychological programmes to try 'rehabilitate' criminals, but it's like going around without tackling with the root of the problem, which is, SIN. I'm not saying that psychology doesn't help, it can, but it can only be a 'supplement', it cannot replace the truth. Only by understanding one's sinfulness and the seriousness & consequence of sin, and the redeeming work of Jesus and God's love, i believe, can a person truly be able to be changed by God... We can try all ways and means to strive to change, but without Jesus, all our efforts of bettering ourselves are like 'filty rags'.