Reflections for 2010

It’s the end of yet another year… I realized the no. of my blog posts is decreasing over the years… heh. More busy, less discipline and motivation to blog.
For my ‘faithful’ readers, I admire your endurance 

2010 has been quite an eventful year. Israel trip in May was definitely a highlight – one of my ‘death wishes’ fulfilled – a pilgrimage to where my Saviour lived, died and resurrected.

Major transition at work took place in Oct, when I got transferred out of the women’s prison to prison headquarters. It came as a surprise, not a pleasant one, as I did not expect or want to go there initially. I learnt to accept it eventually, and I’m slowly learning and discovering God’s purpose for me here… It’s another steep learning curve, but a good place to be shaped and moulded by Him.

Yet another highlight was a mercy trip to China with China Heart International, where I went with ‘international strangers’ to visit orphanages. It was a great time experiencing God and partnering together with Him in the lives of these young ones.

I’ve come past the half year mark of serving my 6-year bond in September this year – many have asked me that question – whether I’m going to continue on or leave after I’ve served my bond. I’ve always pushed that question aside, thinking it’s still far away and too early to decide, but as the time draws nearer, I know that I can’t procrastinate for long. To be honest, I have some ideas in my mind, some of them pretty crazy I must say, but they are but ideas for now… I probably will need to take time out to seek God seriously about this. Would be another one of those big decisions/ phase in life.

At the dusk of the year, and dawn of a new year, I find it useful to reflect back, and thank God for His goodness in the past year, and to look forward with hope of more of His goodness. It is my desire and prayer that all would come to know and experience this sense of thankfulness and hope.

22nd Executive Development Course

Attended a 2 week course at Civil Service College organised by the Institute of Public Policy, where public servants from various ministries, statutory boards and some from the private sector come together to learn about how government works, how policies are made, and most importantly, learn from one another and develop as people and leaders. Being in prison for 3 years, i feel rather 'cooped' up in my own world, and it was an eye-opener to learn about what other government ministries and stat boards do, and how our work as public servants interlink and affect one another.
Have certainly got more interested in other areas of the public service, and how policies are made and implemented.
Public Service is about first and foremost, Service to people. Then there's also Integrity and Excellence, which are rather self-explanatory.
I'm not pro-government, but i must say that i'm glad i joined the public service :)

Reason for the Season

Dear friends,

Christmas is drawing near. Other than spending our year end bonus or savings on christmas shopping and sales, why not use some of it for those who don't have the chance to celebrate christmas?

If you're not sure where you can give, check out World Vision's Christmas Catalogue. It has a range of christmas gifts which you can choose from. These christmas presents definitely won't end up on the shelf not storing dust till the next christmas!

Let's take this time to give thanks for our loved ones and the blessings which we have in life. Most of all, let's not forget the Reason for the Season - that He alone is the greatest gift of them all...

Here's a song from me to you. Brought back many good memories of Christmas in Nottingham.... Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLE8EY0gMX4
Have a joyous and meaningful Christmas my friends :)

Love,
pam

The Christmas Project 2010

It dawned upon me that Christmas is drawing near. The Christmas lights in town, advertisements for christmas dinners/ presents.... Sometimes i feel that christmas loses its essence and it becomes another festive season and time for the shops to earn money and for shoppers to lose money.
I was wondering - can i do something different this christmas?
And this came along....

My sister Peggy, a few of her friends and i are putting together a special Christmas celebration cum charity project in aid of the kids staying at Ahuva Good Shepherd (Marymount centre) next month.

Marymount Centre is a social service run by the Congregation of the Good Shepherd Sisters to reach out to children, women and families who are marginalized and to facilitate reconciliation with their families.

Ahuva Good Shepherd provides nurturing and safe residential care to girls aged between 4 and 16 years old. These girls come from single parent families or from families in which parents are not able to cope with the child and/or experiencing marital discord.

For more info about them, check out their website at http://www.marymountctr.org.sg/

We'll be running a Christmas carnival, organising games and a sales and donation drive to meet the needs of this group of under-priviledged children. We're still in need of volunteers to help out in the various committees for this event, namely: Logistics/Fund Raising, Programme, Decor, Choir, Volunteers and Accounting.

There are 16 kids in the Home and we're hoping to have at least 1 volunteer per child at the event itself. At the moment, we have about 6 persons so we're still looking out for more volunteers :) If you or you know of anyone else who are keen to help, you can let me know and how you would like to be involved.

Some details are as follows:

Date: 19 December 2010
Time: 5pm - 9.30pm
Venue: Marymount Centre
Address: 790 Thomson Road, S(298142)
Programme Outline:
5pm - 5.45pm Christmas Carnival Stalls
5.45pm Ice Breaker
6.15pm Christmas Dinner
7pm Bday Celebration for Nadia (one of the girls in the Home)
7.15pm Sing-a-long / carolling session 1
7.45pm Game 1
8.15pm Sing-a-long / carolling session 2
8.45pm Children's item (by the kids of Ahuva Good Shepherd) TBC
9.00pm Finale Game
9.15pm Santa Claus / Santarina gift giving
9.30pm The End


For more information, you can visit http://www.thechristmasprojects.blogspot.com or just contact me :)

Getting ready for Christmas!
Pam

Reflections from China Trip

This trip has been different from the rest, one reason because I did not know anyone in the team (at least till we met them at HK airport) and I turned out to be the only Singaporean Chinese. The rest came from England, Australia, USA, New Zealand and South Africa. Although I studied in the UK for 3 years, I never was away from any Singaporeans for more than 1 day! So this was the first 
My mandarin has never been a ‘usable’ level (sad to say), however being the only Chinese in the team, I had to step out of my comfort zone and risked being embarrassed, and use my broken Mandarin to communicate with the locals for the team. Thankfully there were 2 other local Chinese guys who were around to help out, but there were many times I had no choice but to help translate as well. It was quite funny that most of the local Chinese thought that I was one of them, and asked me if I was the team’s translator/ tour guide!
It was amazing how we bonded and worked so well together despite coming from very different backgrounds, cultures and personalities. Of course there was the occasion cultural miscommunication (‘thongs’ in Australia actually means slippers!) and some of them didn’t understand my Singlish, but there was a unity amongst us which comes from Him alone. I always love the thought that no matter how different we are, we are all in one Body and Spirit.

Well, you might wonder – what did we do there exactly? I didn’t know myself what we were supposed to do probably until the 2nd day of the trip. Well, to put it shortly, we played with children. Yes, it’s that simple. Or so it seems. We visited 3 different orphanages, where most of the kids were abandoned from a baby, due to deformities (both physical and mental) or simply their parents could not afford to bring them up, and out of love for their kid, abandoned him/her so that he/she could survive and have a ‘better’ life perhaps. I’ve been to various other orphanages in other countries, but this was the first time seeing and working with handicapped children. I’m not a “children” person, and I think I spent more time with children in the 11 days there compared to my entire life! In fact, I never dared to pick up babies, as I think they are so fragile and I’m afraid I might drop them, and wouldn’t know what to do when they start to cry or drool all over me. But I’m glad to say that I overcame this, and perhaps I have some “motherly” instincts in me after all :P

I did ask myself – what difference can we make just by being and playing with the kids for 2 or 3 days? He made me realize that what we’re doing is just a small part of the big picture, which we cannot see, and still in progress. We build on what previous teams have done and future teams will continue the work we have started there. Perhaps I can’t change the situation there, but we can touch and make a difference in the kids whom we met, many of them who lack the touch and love of a parent. Of course, there were opportunities to bless and minister to the teachers and ‘nannies’ in the orphanages, and I was glad that they expressed their appreciation and affirmed the work we did there.

When I saw those children, I felt an indignant anger, and wished He would just heal them instantly after a prayer of sorts. Well, we did pray and there was no immediate miraculous healing. But He revealed to me that miracles don’t only come in the form of physical healing, but when I saw those initial withdrawn faces turn into smiles and laughter, the children loving and helping one another despite their circumstance, that was more precious – to be able to have joy despite the difficult situation. Though we could not really communicate much with the children (due to the language barrier and the children’s mental capabilities), a simple hand holding, hug, smile did wonders for the children.

As per other trips I’ve been to, I learn more and feel more blessed in return. Some people ask me why I would rather go on a mission trip rather than a holiday, but I really enjoy this more than a holiday sitting by the beach or rushing from one tourist spot to another. I learn much more valuable lessons and grow as a person. Some people think I’m trying to earn ‘brownie points’ with Him, or I have a ‘good heart’ - neither is true, because all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It’s only because of His love and grace which He had first bestowed on me.

Praise and all glory to Him!

Brain Train

Help me to know what truly matters
Put first things first
Not to focus on the wrong things
Get obssessed with the nitty gritty details
Help me to do and see things the way You would
Forgive me Lord for being consumed in what seems insignificant
Teach me to let go
To be ok with not being in control
Not being the best or correct all the time
Make me humble, and my heart pure,
As i follow you, Lord.

Lost in Transition

I'm finally going out. After 1 year, 10 months and 9 days.
It wasn't what I wanted or expected.
Initally i was in shock, then anger, then denial, and slowly i'm beginning to accept it.
Sometimes God puts you where you might not want to go, but as i learn to surrender my will and commit my path to Him, i experience His peace and assurance.
The road ahead will not be easy, but i believe i'll be fine, with my Lord guiding me, one day at a time.
Another season in life.
A time for everything.
Leaving behind.
Moving on.
Looking forward.

Love & Death

Attended a church friend's mom's funeral wake tonight.
The deceased was 80 years old and 2 left behind 2 children and 3 grandchildren. All of them gave a eulogy, which was very heartwarming and touching. It was really a celebration of her life, and perhaps, death.
I'm not a very emotional person, and not many things make me cry.
But i was reminded of my dad's funeral, and the stark contrast between this funeral and my dad's. The joy of knowing that your loved one will be in a better place in the arms of God versus not knowing where your loved one is going.
That thought triggered my tears.
I thought about my grandma, my mom, myself. What would it be like at their funeral wake? What would i say? What would i like to be said at my own funeral?
Morbid thoughts of death once again flood my mind...

Today in church i learnt about a new definition of LOVE.
In Greek it's called "HESED" meaning covenental, faithful love.
That's the love God has for us. He loves us not because of who we are, but because of who He is.

DEATH and LOVE. Rarely does one associate these 2 words together
But at the cross of Jesus these 2 met.
It was love that held Him on the cross, it was love that He died for us.
His covenental love. His unconditional love.

Thank You Jesus, for your love to me.
Help me to live each day for You, that when i die, you will say, well done good and faithful servant, and i will say, surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and i shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever!

Slow Down

Too many things
Racing in my mind
Wanna slow down

Sometimes my mind wanders
And i wonder
What would it be like

Peace in the midst of a storm
Grace in seasons of trials
Rest in times of tiredness

My God
Gives beauty for ashes

The Judge of the World

Today i attended a High Court hearing of one of the girls under my charge who is possibly facing capital punishment.
Our life is like a courtroom, and the devil accusing us of all the wrong things we've done in our lives. God is the judge sitting on the seat of the courtroom. But unlike earthly judges, this Judge is different. Yes, he passes punishment accordingly, but he steps down to take the punishment on our behalf so that we can go free. We stand condemned, but because of His sacrifice, we can now be free. This is how God can be both just yet loving.
In this world, life may seem unfair. The wrongdoers sometimes go scotfree, and the innocent are punished... But ultimately, God will judge the world - and you.
Where will you stand then?

Post SYOG

Today marks the end of the inaugural Singapore Youth Olympic Games. I only volunteered for 3 days at Tampines Bike Park, but i caught the YOG fever nevertheless. Been pretty exciting following the games, and wish i could have volunteered more and caught some of the games live, but cos of work commitments, i could not. It kinda reminds me of my younger days in secondary sch and JC where i participated competitively in the national schools competitions for tennis and hockey. It's something amazing when people from all nations come together in one place for a common goal and purpose. I get thrilled and excited at the thought of it, and even more so, to be part of it. It's like a foreshadowing and taste of how heaven is like - when people from all nations come together to worship God...

Well, i'll be having my share of organising a national sporting event next year, which is the biannual ASEAN Prison Track & Field Championships which will be held in March 2011 where prison officers from the various ASEAN countries come together to compete in athletics. I'm in the secretariat team, and also training to take part in the middle/ long distance events. Singapore would be hosting it this year, the last time we hosted was in 2000. I'm not much of a runner, but it's pretty exciting stuff nevertheless :)

On Singleness

Read this in the 40-day fast & pray devotion i'm doing. Kinda got me thinking again about THAT QUESTION, which is at the back of my head and pops up now and then.

1 Corinthians 7
"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion...
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

A friend around my age recently had a conversation with me on this. She asked me if i was afraid to see everyone around me (mainly my peers) get attached/ married, and one day i find myself to be the only one left. How would i feel? What would i do?
My stepmom is also increasingly getting worried for me, and trying to convince me to find someone soon, and not wait till it's too late.

Perhaps i'm cynical about marriage. Feel that people get attached/ married for the sake of getting married, having a partner, having children, a family - like something to achieve in life. Part of the process of life, going through the motions.

I'm convinced (or perhaps trying to convince) myself that i'm contented if i remain single all my life. Perhaps that's better for me. Perhaps it's God's "gift" (as in Paul's words) or will for me. But i guess most importantly, whatever it is, what really matters now and in the future is that I am His, and that alone should be sufficient. He should be all that i desire and need. Singleminded devotion to the Lord. Honestly, i can say that i don't have that now. Perhaps that's why i'm even thinking about this.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you"
What's there to worry? My Lord knows best, and He will provide accordingly.
I shall wait upon Him and trust Him.
Who cares about peer pressure?

Go Fest Asia Conference 10-13 Aug

Anyone interested?
Check out http://www.gofestasia.com

One step at a time

Is this where you are leading Lord?
Still doesn't seem clear to me
And perhaps i'm not ready yet
But somehow i know
Deep down inside
It is my destiny
One step at a time, Lord
You lead me
So that i don't run away
From the plans You purposed for me
Many questions come to my mind
In the not so far future
Take me
One step at a time, Lord

A Grief Observed

Daughter puts up brave front in face of grief

NILAI: Goodbye, see you in Heaven.Joy Wee clung to her faith that her grandmother, father and three siblings are now in a better place as she put on a brave front when the five were laid to rest at the Nilai Memorial Park here yesterday.

The five – Roland Wee Seng Hock, 53; his children Joash, 23, Jacinth, 18, and Jelyn, 15; and his mother-in-law Lim Kim Boon, 79, died when their multi-purpose vehicle collided with an oncoming trailer which was overtaking another vehicle at the Kuantan-Segamat road last Thursday.

Wee’s wife, Chew Chin Loi, 54, and their two other children, Jemima, 17, and Josiah, 13, remain warded at a hospital in Kuantan.

Joy, the oldest child, had flown in from the United Kingdom. At the memorial park, the 26-year-old was seen comforting the others despite her own grief.

Scores of family and friends came from across the country and overseas to say their final goodbyes to the five, and many cried.

Wee’s father was seen weeping openly. Lim was buried first followed by Wee and his three children. The four were buried side by side.

As the coffins were lowered, Joy was seen gently touching the displayed pictures of her loved ones as she said her final goodbye.

“My mum also thanks God for loaning my father to her for 29 years, as well as for loaning Joash, (23 years), Jacinth (18 years) and Jelyn (15 years).

“I believe one day when we get to Heaven, they will be there welcoming us,” Joy said.

Speaking to reporters later, Joy said she was very proud of her loved ones. She described her grandmother Lim as someone she respected and loved a lot.

On Wee, a senior principal assistant at a Muar secondary school, Joy said her father had touched so many lives – and wished that she could one day be a role model like him.

Joash was a good musician who loved football and tennis, as well as served God with all his heart.

As for Jacinth, Joy said she was a very hardworking person with a big heart who “would not hesitate to buy presents for all of us.”

“I am glad she found out about her Public Service Department pharmacy scholarship before she left,” said Joy.

On youngest sister Jelyn, Joy said both had shared a very close relationship.

Joy, who was supposed to take an exam this Friday in the UK to qualify as a pharmacist, said she would stay back to be with her mother and two siblings.

“My mum is very strong. She taught me to be strong, otherwise I would break down,” she said solemnly.

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This is a true story of a friend of mine. A heartening story of trusting God in the midst of pain. Tragedy, but a silver lining behind it. Hope of spending eternity with God in a better place. A friend who went for the famiy's wake said this. Everything can be summed up in one line: A life lived for God is a life not wasted. What profound yet simple truth.

It reminded me of my own story. One that happened about a year ago. It's gonna be my late dad's 1st death anniversary on 16th July. Can't believe a year has passed, doesn't seem like it. Life for me has gone on as usual. My stepmom and family has made some changes, but life still goes on for them. Sometimes i still regret not having done more, but what's the point? One can't go back in time, though many of us wish we had that ability. Lesson Learnt: Don't assume there's another day. You never know when God will take you - or your loved ones - for that matter. Don't waste an opportunity to show and tell them of God's love and truth - while u still can.

Airport Ruminitions

Flying objects in
Open blue skies
Soaring into
Boundless universe
Freedom
Adventure
Mystery
I love
the feelin'
at the airport
Makes me wanna
Fly away
Perhaps it's bcos
This is not my home
There is somewhere else
My heart is longing for
But
Till that day
I shall tread this earth
Going places
Marveling at God's creations
Spreading His word
To the ends of the earth
Take me away
Lord Jesus
To that place u want me to be

Waiting... on You

Don't know why but feel a bit lost and restless after returning from Israel. Thought i'd be more refreshed and recharged to re-start work but feel otherwise. Maybe i'm still having withdrawal symptoms as someone put it =P it's never been this bad though.
Daily facing people who are manipulative, narcissistic, deceptive, rude, unreasonable, demanding, etc etc etc. isn't really very easy. But it's such people whom Jesus associated with and loved. It's these people who need Him most. Why is it so difficult to love them?
Recently had an open door to go out, and thought i'd give it a try to push and see if it would open, but got stopped from trying, and felt a bit disappointed. But know that my time here is not up yet, and i'm just feeling impatient and frustrated with certain things. God isn't done with me here yet, and i've still got more to learn and change... Everything in His time and plan. Have to learn to wait and trust Him. To be faithful in the little, before He can give me new things. To do what He wants me to do where He has placed me for this season. Need to turn my eyes back to Him, depend more on Him...
I'm thankful to Him for giving me something which i do not deserve - but when the time comes when i don't get recognised or appreciated for the things i do or the effort i put in, will i still be able to continue to do so? To do everything for Him, and not for other's recognition, my own pride, promotion, or money? It's a challenge, but not impossible, with the Lord.
Help me, dear Lord, to wait upon You. To find rest and strength in You alone

Reflections from the Holy Land

Back from the Holy Land, feels like I’ve travelled 2,000 years back – well, you could say that. Been an amazing trip.

Walking the places where our Christian forefathers like Abraham, David, Samson (just to name a few) were, and where Jesus was born, lived, died and resurrected. Learning how God’s people – the Jews (or Israelites as known today) have been preserved and saved by God over the years – through the various conquests by the Romans, Ottomans, Crusaders, the Holocaust, and it took them from 70AD to 1948 to become an Independent State, as predicted and fulfilled in Bible prophecy. Though it’s still not the best of situations, and there’s still issues with the Palestines which needs to be sorted out, but the nation has come a long way from where they were.

Truly can see God’s hand upon these people, yet it’s saddening that they are religious people, yet don’t have that personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Yet for the few Jews who have come to know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour – the walk is not easy for them.

This trip has made the Bible come alive and has given me a deeper understanding of God’s Word – being able to visualize the places it mentions, the symbolisms used, Jewish customs and traditions, parables, etc. It’s a beautiful nation, indeed a land flowing with milk and honey, as it’s mentioned in the Bible. The bible is not just a history book or story – but God’s truth for all mankind.

While many had family and friends to receive them from the airport, I came back to an empty home, cos my mom and brother are away travelling. But I remember a story which was shared during the trip – I’m not home yet, and one day when I am, there will be a host of angels and friends to welcome me back (:

It feels like I’ve been to the Mount of Transfiguration (the place where the disciplines met God in a supernatural way) and back. However, just as Jesus came down from the mountain to minister to the people, I can’t stay up there forever, I need to come back down to the ground to do God’s work.

I’m really thankful for this trip, it’s fulfilled my dream of walking where Jesus and our forefathers walked. A very special and amazing experience I’ll never forget…

Can view some of my pics on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=178931&id=531626253&saved#!/album.php?aid=178931&id=531626253

When Were the Days

Decided to look back at my old blog posts since 2004. Seems like the no. of posts have been reducing. Perhaps also my readers as well. Maybe i'm the only one left reading this... heh.
When were those days?
Before i left for UK, when i first met FH, starting life in a new place, SR, Notts life, traveling adventures, retreats, mission trips, prison training camp....
Life seems so different now. It's been a year and a half since i completed my training. Feels like it's been longer than that.
Haven't been keeping in close touch with friends from Notts, as much as i'd like to. Sometimes when i feel lonely, i realise that i am indeed lonely. Bro & sis doesn't seem to care much abt family. Colleagues are well, colleagues. Church, hmm, nth much to say... Not sure what exactly is wrong. Perhaps i'm just jaded, or moody.
Wish for someone who can sit beside me, and understand, relate, listen, lean on.
Tired of looking strong.
When were those days? I kinda miss them.
6 years on and it's 2010. Moving forward, not so sure what's in store for me, perhaps some changes in work. Not sure about the rest. Well, one step at a time. Everything in His time. Trust and Obey, for there's no other way, to be Happy in Jesus, is to Trust & Obey...

The Scar

A wound can be healed
But sometimes
It leaves a scar
It doesn't hurt anymore
But every time you see the mark it left
You remember

How it goes
With relationships
Sometimes forgiving is easier than forgetting
You don't feel it
But when i look
It saddens
To be reminded of the past

Perhaps one day
The scar will go away
Perhaps i need some plastic surgery
But till then
The scar remains as a reminder
A lesson of the past

Israel... Here i come!

i've finally succumbed to the flu bug again. i seldom fall ill, but when i do, it shows that i've been overworking / overly stressed, and it's time for a break - which i will be getting from 11th to 25th May - where i'll be setting sights on the Holy Land of Israel - one of the places i've always wanted to visit.
I'm going with a bible school called East Asia School of Theology with about 20 other people whom i will get to know on the trip :)
Really looking forward to the break, as i've been working myself crazy, and feeling rather burnt out lately. Also, more importantly, to spend time with God, and to know Him more through His Word.
The more i work, the more i realise how lacking i am. Really need to come back to Jesus, to learn to abide and rest in Him, enjoy Him...
Bon voyage. Will blog again after i return!

Pam's Psalm

People say she's beyond hope
Only she can change herself
Everyone's given up hope on her
She's the worse yet so far
I admit
But i refuse to believe that she's beyond hope
A saying goes
God only helps those who help themselves first
i strongly disagree with that statement
It is precisely those who can't help themselves who needs God's help most

Where is mercy?
Where is grace?
i see none of it here
Even those of faith seemed to have lost it
Where is the believe of the impossible?
That God can change even the worst in the world

My heart dispairs
Am i the only one?
I look battered and worn
A friend noticed
Perhaps he's right
i am
but i'm not done yet
persecuted not abandoned
struck down but ot destroyed
i am blessed beyond the curse
for His promise will endure
His joy's gonna be my strength!
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes in the morning!

Blessed Lunar New Year!

It's been sometime since i last blogged.
Have seemed to have lost the inspiration and drive of late =/
Work has been rather draining and consuming.... Have started smth good though. Can't elaborate much here, but if you're interested u can ask me personally =)
This CNY has been a lil different from the past years.
Didn't do the usual visiting on my dad's side due to my dad's demise. However, some of my dad's relatives met up, and invited us over. Some of his relatives teared upon seeing me and my siblings, as we reminded them of my dad... At times I do think of him, and miss him somewhat, but can say that life is pretty much the same as it was... Perhaps i shall make a visit to his tombstone on his 1st year death aniversary in July this year.
3 dear ex-Nottingham friends (from Brunei & Malaysia) came down this CNY to visit. They stayed at my place and i brought them around. Was great spending time with them, for a while, it seemed like the good ole carefree days back in Nottingham.
I seem to have lost that rest in the Lord, that sweet communion with the Lord for sometime now... Father, draw me back to You, bring me back to my first love.
2 of my good friends have recently found their potential life partner, and i'm really happy for them - which inevitably makes me think about my own situation - sometimes i do feel lonely and start to think about how it used to be. And i wonder if it's still possible... But have resolved to guard my heart for now, believe the time is not right yet. Shall entrust this to the Lord :)

Again

Hurt, once again, by the people i've given myself to serve. I thought i was numb to it already, but it still hurts when you're spitten and rejected by the people you thought would appreciate what i'm doing for them.
Perhaps i'm foolish, idealistic, to think that way.
A prophet is not welcome in his own town.
I felt like bursting today. It was tempting to just walk away.
But i can't. There are some people whom i love who i will stay for. There are still things left undone. Until the work is done here, i shall persevere on.
Though i do look to the day i can move on from here. It is not my place. At least not my permanent or long-term one.
For now, i shall turn to my Lord and learn to forgive, again.
Help me, Lord. I need your grace to do so.

When...

When everything around me comes crashing down
When i don't understand many things
When no one understands
When i feel so lost and lonely
When i see little hope and lose my joy and peace

I shall remember that my God is with me
He never leaves nor forsakes me
I will play music to Him
Arise my soul, and sing,
For the Lord is good
His love never changes

Hear my cry, O God
Hear my plea for mercy
A broken spirit and a contrite heart
You will not despite
Bend down and rescue me from my fears and enemies
For you have made me victorious and a conqueror
For He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world

I shall say:
My God is for me, who can be against me?
My God is with me, whom shall i fear?
My heart shall trust in You alone O God
For You alone are my Vindicator and Deliverer

Be Inspired!

Recently went for a conference by Heidi Baker.
Heidi is a missionary in Mozambique, Africia, where she cares for about 10,000 orphans and has a God-given vision to feed and care for 1 million children in Africa in 10 year's time. Check out http://www.irismin.org/p/home.php
Also met an amazing guy called Benny Prasad. His musical talent is impressive but his life testimony is even more amazing.

Don't be afraid to dream BIG. Because no one is too small for God to use. For He uses the weak to humble the strong.

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010!

Dear friends/ readers,

Wishing you all a very blessed new year! May 2010 be a year filled with God’s faithfulness, favour and fruitfulness! (:

2009 has been one of the hardest years for me thus far. Starting work at the women’s prison and facing all the challenges there, and my father’s death. I can only thank God for His grace and mercy which has carried me through.

I believe 2010 is a season of serving God at work and in church. Now that I’ve been working for slightly more than a year at the women’s prison and more settled, I hope that I can build deeper relationships where I am and contribute more at work and in church. Also, looking forward to my Israel trip in May with East Asia School of Theology, Go Fest Asia Conference & Youth Olympics in August, a mission trip and adventure holiday somewhere… In the midst of all this, i desire to grow closer to the Lord and know & experience more of His love, goodness and power in my life!

Probably get my next posting which will most likely be a staff posting at headquarters, which will be quite different from what I’m doing now. On one hand, I’m looking forward to it, as the hours are more regular, and I don’t have to work on Saturdays, Sundays and public holidays. On the other hand, will miss the ‘action’ and first-hand interaction with the inmates.

God is also teaching me to patiently wait for the one whom he has prepared for me. Still not the right time yet, though sometimes my emotions might get the better of me, but believe that trusting and waiting on God is the best (: Besides, the so-called marriageable age in 28, I’ve still got 4 more years to spare to enjoy and make the most of my singlehood! Heh…

"... I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Jesus Christ, is calling us up to heaven" Philippians 3:13-14