Learning to Walk on Water
Sea of Galilee, Israel
Saturday, March 22, 2008
(Grace) Alone
I felt really alone at youth service in church today.
I realized that even though I tell people that i've settled down in church, i feel quite detached, no one i can share my joys and sorrows with. Perhaps i've been too used to the close fellowship in Nottingham. Perhaps i've been away for too long, and it takes longer to re-establish relationships. Perhaps i've grown too old to be able to relate to the youth.
I felt quite hurt and disappointed when time and time again when i try to do something on missions and evangelism in the youth service, i get sidelined. There are already too many other trainings and activities, no place to fit in evangelism training. Even some of the leaders said outrightly that they wouldn't want to come for such things. I feel very alone in this journey at times. Nevertheless, I thank God that He has brought a handful of people who have the same passion God put into my heart. I started out in this ministry with big dreams, visions and plans. But i know that i have to start small and take things one step at a time. Be humble. Remember I am only one part of the body of Christ. There are other ministries to consider. Still, i believe that evangelism and missions has taken a back seat for too long... It's time we step up and step out. Who will walk alongside me?
Many times I ask myself if i'm the right person for this responsibility, if i'm capable enough, if i'm in the right ministry. If I'm looking for 'results' or people's approval or praise, i will only be disappointed. But if this is what God has called me to do, i just have to be faithful to do what He has asked me to do. And whether i'm the only one in it doesn't really matter. As God's Word says: Whatever you do, do it as unto God and not unto man.
Pls help me dear Lord, i need more of Your grace each day.
Today a dear brother-of-Christ who's blessed me very much the past many years is going to be leaving to the States for his studies. He sang this song in church today and it really spoke to me, wanna share it with you all:
Grace Alone
Every promise we can make
Every prayer and step of faith
Every difference we can make
Is only by His grace.
Every mountain we will climb
Every ray of hope we shine
Every blessing left behind
Is only by His grace
Grace alone Which God supplies
Strength unknown He will provide
Christ in us, our cornerstone
We will go forth in grace alone
Every soul we long to reach
Every heart we hope to teach
Everywhere we share His peace
Is only by His grace.
Every loving word we say
Every tear we wipe away
Every sorrow turned to praise
Is only by His grace.
I realized that even though I tell people that i've settled down in church, i feel quite detached, no one i can share my joys and sorrows with. Perhaps i've been too used to the close fellowship in Nottingham. Perhaps i've been away for too long, and it takes longer to re-establish relationships. Perhaps i've grown too old to be able to relate to the youth.
I felt quite hurt and disappointed when time and time again when i try to do something on missions and evangelism in the youth service, i get sidelined. There are already too many other trainings and activities, no place to fit in evangelism training. Even some of the leaders said outrightly that they wouldn't want to come for such things. I feel very alone in this journey at times. Nevertheless, I thank God that He has brought a handful of people who have the same passion God put into my heart. I started out in this ministry with big dreams, visions and plans. But i know that i have to start small and take things one step at a time. Be humble. Remember I am only one part of the body of Christ. There are other ministries to consider. Still, i believe that evangelism and missions has taken a back seat for too long... It's time we step up and step out. Who will walk alongside me?
Many times I ask myself if i'm the right person for this responsibility, if i'm capable enough, if i'm in the right ministry. If I'm looking for 'results' or people's approval or praise, i will only be disappointed. But if this is what God has called me to do, i just have to be faithful to do what He has asked me to do. And whether i'm the only one in it doesn't really matter. As God's Word says: Whatever you do, do it as unto God and not unto man.
Pls help me dear Lord, i need more of Your grace each day.
Today a dear brother-of-Christ who's blessed me very much the past many years is going to be leaving to the States for his studies. He sang this song in church today and it really spoke to me, wanna share it with you all:
Grace Alone
Every promise we can make
Every prayer and step of faith
Every difference we can make
Is only by His grace.
Every mountain we will climb
Every ray of hope we shine
Every blessing left behind
Is only by His grace
Grace alone Which God supplies
Strength unknown He will provide
Christ in us, our cornerstone
We will go forth in grace alone
Every soul we long to reach
Every heart we hope to teach
Everywhere we share His peace
Is only by His grace.
Every loving word we say
Every tear we wipe away
Every sorrow turned to praise
Is only by His grace.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
God's goodness and grace
Dear friends, I want to testify of God's wonderful work in the retreat I just came back from. From the start of my decision to go for this retreat, He has been orchestrating the events. My training was supposed to have started by now, and if it did, i wouldn't have been able to go for this. The fact that my sister agreed to go for this retreat was a miracle in itself, considering she has fallen away from God for almost 10 years... She has been going through a difficult period lately and she wanted to go on 'holiday' to get away. Initially, i was planning to go to Redang Island with her, but due to various reasons, that didn't work out. So i abandoned that plan and decided to invite her for the retreat instead. I asked her thinking that she would say 'no' but i thought that there was no harm asking anyway. To my pleasant surprise, she agreed. Still, she could have easily backed out later on (which she often does), but she didn't. It 'so happened' that my mom overheard my conversation with my sis, and asked if she could go too (i didn't think of asking her if she hadn't had asked me). At that time, the registration deadline for the retreat was long closed, and my friend said that it might not be possible for us to sign up due to limited spaces and the last minute notice. Nevertheless, I prayed and submitted this to God. Needless to say, God answered my prayers. Truly this was a divine appointment.
I went for this retreat praying for 4 things: 1) my sis to be reconciled to God 2) my mom and sis to reconcile (just as a brief history, my mom and sis never had a good relationship due to my parents' divorces when we were very young. And things got worse when my sis had an argument with my mom a few months ago and decided to move out) 3) a closure to a past relationship; and 4) a breakthrough in a personal struggle i've been battling with
How God answered all these requests, simply blew me off my feet. God broke through my sis defences and hurts and she once agin experienced God's love and forgiveness in her heart and life, and re-committed herself to Him. Truly, God never gives up on us no matter how far we run from Him. Like the saying goes, we can run but we can't hide. He is always looking tenderly for His lost sheep. I didn't know what the sermons would be about, and by the 2nd day, there was still no message on forgiveness or reconciliation. But i continued to pray that God would allow an opportunity. During the 2nd night, the pastor spoke on the topic of resolving conflicts, reconciliation and forgiveness. I thought that it would be a usual prayer at the end of the message, but God surpassed my expectations and the speaker did sth very very unusual. She asked everyone of us to find someone in the room to represent someone we need to forgive or seek forgiveness from. While others found 'representatives', my mom, sis and i came together, embraced and asked forgiveness from one another for all the hurts we caused one another, as well as to release forgiveness to one another. All these years, my mom has been blaming herself for my causing my sister's bitterness, for not showing us the love she wanted to, for my family's brokenness, etc. She asked my sister and i to forgive her. We did. Which is really amazing (if you know my sister, she can hold strong grudges for years...) This could only be possible with God. Only He can soften the hardest heart.
God also dealt with me personally in 2 things i was seeking Him for. He gave me an opportunity to grieve over a person i loved dearly, but He also gave me the peace and strength to let go and trust Him. God also gave me a fresh touch and encounter with Him during this retreat; I experienced His amazing presence and peace which transcends all understanding. There is so much more that happened that testifies to His goodness and power, but there's simply too much to share.
I've been away for 3 days but it seems like 3 weeks. Now i understand the verse that says 'better is one day in his courts than a thousand elsewhere' and 'a day in heaven is like a thousand on earth'. It's a glimpse of heaven on earth.
Being back at home and typing this, the reality of this life and world hits me. I know that this is a journey of faith, we may take pit stops along the way, we may have mountaintop experiences, but ultimately i am called to deny myself, take up my cross daily and follow him. I live to know Him and to make Him known. i am walking every day by faith and not by sight, choosing to believe and obey God no matter what. I must say that it is difficult and challenging, and to be honest at times, i am attempted to give up, but i then i remember the cross - how much Jesus gave up for me, how much He suffered and died for my sins to redeem me. How much He loves me despite how sinful and unworthy I am of His love and sacrifice. How much a faithful friend He is. How great and magnificent He is. He didn't say that this road would be free of pain or suffering, but that He would be with us and His grace would be sufficient for us.
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:12-14
I pray you've been blessed by my testimony, and that you too, would see and experience God's goodness and grace in your life. To all who earnestly seek Him, He shall reveal Himself. Taste and see that the Lord is good!
With thankfulness and amazement,
Pam :)
I went for this retreat praying for 4 things: 1) my sis to be reconciled to God 2) my mom and sis to reconcile (just as a brief history, my mom and sis never had a good relationship due to my parents' divorces when we were very young. And things got worse when my sis had an argument with my mom a few months ago and decided to move out) 3) a closure to a past relationship; and 4) a breakthrough in a personal struggle i've been battling with
How God answered all these requests, simply blew me off my feet. God broke through my sis defences and hurts and she once agin experienced God's love and forgiveness in her heart and life, and re-committed herself to Him. Truly, God never gives up on us no matter how far we run from Him. Like the saying goes, we can run but we can't hide. He is always looking tenderly for His lost sheep. I didn't know what the sermons would be about, and by the 2nd day, there was still no message on forgiveness or reconciliation. But i continued to pray that God would allow an opportunity. During the 2nd night, the pastor spoke on the topic of resolving conflicts, reconciliation and forgiveness. I thought that it would be a usual prayer at the end of the message, but God surpassed my expectations and the speaker did sth very very unusual. She asked everyone of us to find someone in the room to represent someone we need to forgive or seek forgiveness from. While others found 'representatives', my mom, sis and i came together, embraced and asked forgiveness from one another for all the hurts we caused one another, as well as to release forgiveness to one another. All these years, my mom has been blaming herself for my causing my sister's bitterness, for not showing us the love she wanted to, for my family's brokenness, etc. She asked my sister and i to forgive her. We did. Which is really amazing (if you know my sister, she can hold strong grudges for years...) This could only be possible with God. Only He can soften the hardest heart.
God also dealt with me personally in 2 things i was seeking Him for. He gave me an opportunity to grieve over a person i loved dearly, but He also gave me the peace and strength to let go and trust Him. God also gave me a fresh touch and encounter with Him during this retreat; I experienced His amazing presence and peace which transcends all understanding. There is so much more that happened that testifies to His goodness and power, but there's simply too much to share.
I've been away for 3 days but it seems like 3 weeks. Now i understand the verse that says 'better is one day in his courts than a thousand elsewhere' and 'a day in heaven is like a thousand on earth'. It's a glimpse of heaven on earth.
Being back at home and typing this, the reality of this life and world hits me. I know that this is a journey of faith, we may take pit stops along the way, we may have mountaintop experiences, but ultimately i am called to deny myself, take up my cross daily and follow him. I live to know Him and to make Him known. i am walking every day by faith and not by sight, choosing to believe and obey God no matter what. I must say that it is difficult and challenging, and to be honest at times, i am attempted to give up, but i then i remember the cross - how much Jesus gave up for me, how much He suffered and died for my sins to redeem me. How much He loves me despite how sinful and unworthy I am of His love and sacrifice. How much a faithful friend He is. How great and magnificent He is. He didn't say that this road would be free of pain or suffering, but that He would be with us and His grace would be sufficient for us.
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:12-14
I pray you've been blessed by my testimony, and that you too, would see and experience God's goodness and grace in your life. To all who earnestly seek Him, He shall reveal Himself. Taste and see that the Lord is good!
With thankfulness and amazement,
Pam :)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
quick update
Going for a "Women's Breakthrough Weekend" with Covenant Evangelical Free Church at Batam this weekend. My mom and sis are joining me too. Praying and seeking God for some things in this retreat.
Also thinking of going to Vietnam, Cambodia or Kota Kinabalu before my training starts in April. Anyone interested can email me at pphor@yahoo.com.sg
"Be Still, and Know that I am God"
Photo taken in Iceland
Also thinking of going to Vietnam, Cambodia or Kota Kinabalu before my training starts in April. Anyone interested can email me at pphor@yahoo.com.sg
"Be Still, and Know that I am God"
Photo taken in Iceland
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