On Pleasures

These are the words of King Solomon, one of the wisest kings in the world...

Ecclesiastes 2

Pleasures Are Meaningless

1 I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless. 2 "Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?" 3 I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly—my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives.
4 I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. 6 I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. 7 I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. 8 I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem as well—the delights of the heart of man. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me.
10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my work,
and this was the reward for all my labor.
11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.
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I've been thinking on the issue of enjoyment lately. Perhaps cos i'm not working now so i'm free to think about such stuff again. It's hard for me to reconcile christianity and pleasure. Don't get me wrong, i don't believe that God doesn't approve of us enjoying ourselves, or doing things we like so long as it's not morally incorrect. I believe God created many things on earth for us to enjoy. I still take time to relax and do things i enjoy once in a while. Who doesnt want to have fun? I'm not exception... If i had the money and time, i'd love to do so many things... But my conscience pricks me at times, am i focusing on enjoyment and pleasures so much that i neglect what's truly important in life? Why should I spend money on making myself happy when there are so many other poor people in the world who worry about what to eat next? Or as i saw in china, how the kids use mud slopes as slides to entertain themselves. And here i am thinking of spending money on expensive entertainment... I could use the time and money to invest in more lasting and meaningful things. It just troubles and disturbs me. Some people may think i'm too extreme, or legalistic perhaps. I guess it's one of those grey areas, and not for me to judge others, but to let the holy spirit teach me, how to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, but not to crave after pleasure. It's a fine line, but smth i believe one needs to take a stand on.
I'd like to think how you guys view this? I'm open to discussion and comments :)

Being Different

It's hard to be different
Not to be like most girls who like to dress up and look good
Not to go after the latest handphones
Not to get caught up in the latest trend or fad
When at times i do wish i had nicer clothes, looked better, etc.
It's difficult not to conform to the ways and thinkings of this world
Remind me dear Lord,
that You desire inner beauty more than outer beauty
You want me build up treasures in heaven and not on earth
Please remind me that i'm fearfully and wonderfully made by You
And You love me for who i am

I have eyes and limbs whilst others dont
I'm pretty 'normal' in society's sense
There are the physically, mentally disabled who seem more 'different' and are sometimes labelled and rejcted by the society, and worse, loved ones
And of course there are those in prison deemed as hopeless and useless by most people
And many others deemed as 'different' from 'normal' people...

At times it's difficult
To step out of the crowd walking past the blind man by the street
And ask him if he knows Jesus
Or to break the cold silence and
talk to a stranger on the bus
You know i'm afraid and confused
Is it really You, Lord? Sometimes i really wonder if it's just me.
But if i dont take risks and try, how would i know? what would i lose?
other than perhaps my face
I realize i still fear man to a large extent
I'm afraid of what others will think of me
I dont want to be called a religious radical or freak
Or for others to question my motives
Help me not to be ashamed of You my Lord, or the gospel
Help me not to be afraid to be different for You
No matter what it costs or takes

For You My Lord walked that path
And you know best how it feels
To Be Different

Being Still

it's hard to be still when i've been doing so many things the past one a half months. But God has told me to be still and to spend time with Him more... It's a struggle, but i'm learning to discipline myself with God's help.
A friend said to me not long ago, 'I can easily find ways to enjoy or entertain myself, but i'd rather do things that count for eternity'. That really struck a chord in me, and i was encouraged to hear that from her.

God still loves the prisoners

God has taught me much in the last 6 weeks in Prison.
In some strange way, I feel privileged to see the part of society that is hidden from the ‘outside world’. In a lot of ways, these inmates are labelled as outcasts, rejected and marginalized by society. I heard stories of inmates who have never seen a handphone before till they came out or know how to use an EZ link card to take the bus or mrt because of the long period of time he/she’s been in prison. For them, it’s a bitter-sweet experience to be released from prison. On one hand, they regain their freedom, yet on the other, many of their families and loved ones have rejected them and moved on, and they face real problems such as unemployment, housing and money issues.

I can honestly say much has been and is being done both in the Prison and outside the Prison in order to help these offenders make their ‘stay’ in prisons more meaningful, to try change their wrong ways of thinking and to cope with the struggles they face when they come out of prison into society.

I’ve met some prison officers and counsellors who’ve really inspired me when through my conversations with them. Some of them have worked in the prison for over 20 years, yet when they talk about their work, it seems like they just started. Their passion puts me to shame. After 2 rounds of attachment in the prison, God has given me a greater burden and passion to serve here, but I must admit I’ve still a long way to go. I catch myself still stereotyping and judging them at times, seeing myself as ‘better’ or ‘higher’ than them. I find myself still afraid and wary of them sometimes. It’s not easy to change my perceptions and thoughts. But I’m trusting God to change me as I pray, trust and obey Him. I believe only God can help me to love them, to hate the sin but to love the sinner, as I am. To remind me i'm no different from them.

The greatest reward and motivation working in prisons is to see the lives touched and changed… and some even come back, not as prisoners, but as volunteers to help those who are going through the same problem as they had. One of these is Pastor Leon, from Prison Fellowship Singapore, who I’ve had the privilege to meet.

After attending so many therapy sessions with counsellors and psychologists that they conduct with inmates, I believe with all my heart, ultimately only God and His Word can touch and change these hardened yet broken lives. God has started a small church in the prison, 40 inmates living together, praising and worshipping Him with songs, listening to His word everyday. I sat in for 2 sessions and my mind was blown by what God is doing in their lives. One morning, God spoke His Word through a lady pastor that some of the inmates (tattoos and all, most of them gangsters) broke down and wept like a child. God told them that no matter what they have done, He still loves them so. God revealed a tiny glimpse of the Father’s heart for these prisoners. The presence of God was there. I didn’t feel like I was in prison. In fact I felt for a moment I was in heaven, together with the saints worshipping God. It’s what I’ve hoped for and envisioned, and I believe this is only the start. The tip of the iceberg. Greater things are yet to come. Soon, real soon. I’m really excited about what God is gonna do in prison. Not by might, nor by strength, but by His Spirit, says the Lord.

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-3

Help Unlock the Second Prison!
Check out http://www.yellowribbon.org.sg/

song

Sent a friend off at the airport today. She;s going to study in Norway. Seems like a lot of people flying off these days. Feels surreal each time i go to the airport. it'll be my turn again soon...
Was heartening and touching to see so many people there to send her off - from primary school, secondary school, JC. Makes me start to wonder why all my friendships seem so shortlived...

One of her groups sang her a song which i touched my heart when i heard it sometime back. So here's to share it with you:

You Raise Me Up - by Josh Groban

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

thoughts

it's been some time since i last blogged. It's been a busy week... with some issues to deal with as well. But i thank God for being with me, giving me the grace and strength each day.
Prophet Rusty Russell came to speak in church today. I was intending to go but couldnt make it in the end. Wanted to hear a word from God, to get direction, reassurance, comfort.
But i thought to myself, Pam, you've been running from prophet to prophet, is there really a need to go to 'prophets' to hear from God? Why cant i hear from God myself? Perhaps its cos ive been running ard too much... and not spending much time with God. So i decided its ok if i dont go. But when i heard of the wonderful things that happened in church, and how God spoke to my friend, i felt a hint of regret, caught myself somewhat envious even. What if i had gone? Would i have received a 'word' too?

I was reminded of the prophecy by another man of God, Rev Amos Jayarathnam whom i heard speak a few weeks ago.

"The days are coming," declares the Sovereign LORD, "when I will send a famine through the land— not a famine of food or a thirst for water, but a famine of hearing the words of the LORD. Men will stagger from sea to sea and wander from north to east, searching for the word of the LORD, but they will not find it. "In that day the lovely young women and strong young men will faint because of thirst"

i realised how true it was. People, like me, trying to run around from preacher to preacher, prophet to prophet, only to find none truly satisfies, except Jesus Himself. Perhaps i shd just stop running ard so much, and learn to sit at His feet...
Still, i yearn to see with my own eyes miracles, healings, wonders - not only in churches amongst christians, but more so in the streets of Singapore, with the common men.
www.nationalhealingcampaign.com is coming up. Do check it out. I believe God will do Amazing things there and then. i wont be in singapore tho. But i trust God will accomplish His work and purpose, with, or without me being there.

love singapore

it's Singapore's 41st National Day today! Went to see the fireworks from the patch of grass opposite pebble bay, across the bridge from the indoor stadium. Went with some friends from church. Didnt really feel like going initially but i didnt regret going :) Pity i forgot to bring my camera...

Went for the national day of prayer at the indoor stadium the night before. Was great to be with HIS people, in HIS presence. To pray for the nation and to see God's vision and plan for Singapore. It's been smth on my heart for pretty long... I'm glad it's been voiced out by someone. Check out www.lovesingapore.org.sg

Heard a song that night which touched my heart. Here's to share with you guys:

The signs are obvious, they are everywhere
All that we hear about is the gloom and despair
Too many would be prophets saying
"It’s the end of it all" ‘
Cause mother earth can’t take much more
The hammer’s gonna fall

So nature has its needs, that’s a lesson learned
But it appears to me there are greater concerns
‘Cause we can save the planet
Thinkin’ we will somehow survive
But father time is calling us
To save somebody’s life

Chorus:
So I won’t bend and I won’t break
I won’t water down my faith
I won’t compromise in a world of desperation
What has been I cannot change
But for tomorrow and today
I must be a light for future generations

If we could find a way to preserve our faith
So those who follow us
See the price that was paid
Then maybe when they question
What it’s gonna take to survive
They’ll find the strength to carry on
In what we leave behind

So I won’t bend and I won’t break
I won’t water down my faith
I won’t compromise in a world of desperation
What has been I cannot change
But for tomorrow and today
I must be a light for future generations
Lookin’ in the eyes of the children
Knowing that tomorrow is at stake
When the choice is up to them
Will they have the strength to say.... (Chorus)

Psalm 42

1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

3 My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.

5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"

10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Powerful Testimony

Miss Sarah Allis Yang recently came to Singapore to share and give her testimony at some churches. You've gotta hear it. Pretty amazing life story:

Until I was 15 years old, I was convinced I was evil incarnate and nicknamed myself, "Lucifer." I hated Jesus and Christianity because I thought God condemned and rejected me. Instead, out of desperation for acceptance and attention, I turned to a life of homosexuality, drugs, alcohol, gang-banging, devil-worshipping, Buddhism, and violence. My Chinese parents, being disappointed about having a miscarriage of a boy, prayed to buddha for another boy. A year later came me, a girl named Allis. But in a way their prayers were answered. My first words were, "I'm a boy." As far as I can remember, I lived in fear, loneliness, hurt and torment from the rejection of believing I was a boy. By fifth grade, everyone knew me as the "freak" and I became a loner. I could never relate to the innocence the other kids had. Dark and sinister thoughts constantly ran through my head. I felt like I was going insane. By seventh grade, I met some devil worshippers who were also loners like me. I started hanging out with them. I felt like they understood me. Pretty soon, I started putting curses on the Christians on campus. I would purposely go out of my to persecute them and make them cry. I was so angry at God for playing such a "cruel joke" as making me what I believed to be, "a guy trapped in a girl's body." The Christians were so bothered they prayed for me. Most gave up by the ninth grade when I started an Asian gang at my school. But one girl named Janice remained hopeful and faithful in prayer. Ever since I was young, I found myself attracted to women. I believe it's mainly due to the lack of a relationship with my mother as well as the curse that was put on me in the womb. In sixth grade, I met this girl that I became obsessed with for the next four years. In the ninth grade, we started a sexual relationship that lasted for nine stormy months. She became my god, my mother, my world, my everything. Then my life came crumbling down in October, 1992. She broke up with me because her mom found out about us. So we ended it and I was OK. Then I found out she lied in order to get out of our relationship to be with a guy. I felt so worthless. I lost my reason for living. I became suicidal and tried to slit my wrists in front of her at school. During that week, I kept on trying to kill myself but something always stopped me. My gang didn't understand or let alone care. But Janice talked to me and told me that I need Jesus. In desperation, I asked Jesus to come into my life. I didn't feel much better so I went back to my room with the knife in my hand ready to kill myself. Then I thought, "Jesus, I'll give You one last chance." So I cried out, "Jesus, if You're real, show me and I'll give you my life." After I said it, I just wept and dropped the knife. I felt as if He was holding me. The three months following that moment were incredibly difficult and confusing. I felt pressured to become more feminine so I could fit in. I got a boyfriend and tried to be like the other Christian girls at my high school. But inside, I felt so lost, "Does God not love me just as I am?" Just like everyone else, He wanted me to be "normal." But God proved to me He is unlike any other. One night in January 1993, I was in my room listening to a Christian song, "Give Me A New Heart." Suddenly, I saw a bright light in the shape of a person appear out of nowhere. I was paralyzed in fear... I knew it was God. I started having flashbacks of all the bad things I did in my life. I was positive He came to personally reject me and escort me to hell where I belonged. He moved towards me slowly. I started weeping. Then He came close and opened His arms. I thought, "This is it, He's grabbing me to take me to hell." But instead of punishing me like I deserved, He embraced me. He whispered in my ear, "I love you, I love you, I love you." I felt love and acceptance overwhelm me. It was the first time I cried tears of joy. He then reached into my chest and told me, "I am giving you My heart, for yours is tired, wounded, hard, and empty." I went into a deep sleep in total peace. When I awoke an hour later, the whole world looked so bright! For the first time in my life, I felt peace and joy! His love and mercy transformed me. I quickly called my gang and told them I wanted out. They threatened me but I wasn't scared. I knew if they killed me, I'd go straight to heaven. I knew now that Jesus is real and I had proof. For the next two years, I struggled to break free from my past with women and gang life in Los Angeles. I kept praying for a way out. Then, students from Cal came to my high school to recruit. I thought this could be it, but my SAT score and GPA were barely eligible for consideration. I applied anyway and prayed. I first got rejection letters from UCLA and UCSD. This basically meant rejection from UC Berkeley. But God surprised me again. At the end of April 1996, I received a big package from Cal. He wanted me there. My first hours at college seemed promising. I met other Christians on my floor and we hung out together. Then, at night, some people from my floor asked me to go to a frat party. I went. It was a tragic mistake. I got drunk and went right back into my old ways. I met a girl and we ended up getting into another relationship. I still held resentment towards God for not making me a man. I didn't believe I could change cause I saw no other alternative. I gave up on Him and myself. But He never gave up on me. After a year of the relationship, we got engaged. I was so proud about achieving my dream without God. I strived so hard to prove God wrong about making me a woman. I told God that if I'm wrong, He would have to prove it and show me another way. He heard. On October 1st, 1997, the fifth night following our engagement, she didn't come home. It was the worst night of my life. She left me for a guy. All I knew in life came to a screeching halt. It was time for God to take over. After that night, I couldn't eat or sleep for two days straight. I just wept. I didn't know what to do. This was my dead end. Then I saw God standing in my room. Once again, He held His arms open. But this time, He gave me the choice of whether I wanted to enter them. He made it clear to me that I would have to let go of all that I knew, all my ways, and everything worth anything to me including homosexuality. After three days of wrestling with fear and mistrust, I finally said OK and turned to Him. Soon after, God surrounded me with new friends that really supported and loved me. I continually wanted to go back to my old life but I knew my ways only led to misery in the end. So I trusted Him. A year later, a friend from San Diego invited me down to her church. Her pastor prayed for me and God showed me how my mom prayed for a boy. I shared about the vision with the pastor and he prayed for that curse to be broken. When He finished, I felt different. When I finally opened my eyes, everything looked so bright and new... as if I just came out of the womb! I then went into the bathroom to wash my face. I walked by the mirror and thought to myself, "Who's that other girl in here?" When I looked again, it was me. For the first time in my life, I realized that I was a woman! I was shocked! My face and demeanor changed dramatically. It was a miracle! As the pastor prayed for me the next morning, God told him that I was to be renamed Sarah. At first, I was skeptical. I asked God for a sign. Two weeks later, a woman who only knew me as Allis came up to me and said, "I don't know why, but every time I look at you, I hear the name 'Sarah.'" That was about four years ago and life hasn't been without difficulty or struggles. But it's been undoubtedly the best years of my life. I am now totally comfortable and happy that God has made me a woman. I love what He's done with my life! Come to meet me this week and you'll see for yourself how He's transformed me. I know my life is a miracle and there's only one reason I'm alive right now, because there is a real God who loves me and He proves it again and again. His name is Jesus Christ and He is good.